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Thursday, August 31, 2006

Pepper Steak Lunch Combo from Joy Yee

Item Purchased: Pepper Steak Lunch Combo from Joy Yee
Location Purchased: Joy Yee's Noodles / 1335 S. Halsted St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $ 6.50 + tax

Review: Maybe it was the Pepper Chicken that my girlfriend bought me last Sunday from Ken Kee last weekend. Maybe it is my general love of black bean sauce. Maybe it was simply because it is what I now dub "Joy Yee Thursday." Whatever the reason, I buckled and purchased my second "pepper" dish in one week.

Though not as large as the servings you receive in Chinatown, the Halsted location of Joy Yee never fails to deliver a substantial quantity of food. One half of the large plastic tub comes filled with sticky white rice while the other half is a dark soupy delight filled with large chunks of green and red pepper, onion, roasted tomato and strips of tender steak. The tomatoes are some of the best I've had in a Chinese dish with just enough subtle sweetness in them. The steak strips could have been cooked a bit longer to bring out their flavor and reduce the rubbery texture, but this didn't stop me from finsihing the entire entree.

All of Joy Yee's lunch combos come with a cup of Miso soup, which varies in flavor every time I try it. This time, it tasted too much like chicken broth and salt for me to finish it. Luckily the Pepper Steak was there to make up for it.

Rating: 3.5 / 5

From the Nicely Packaged Buy Nothing department:

I thought I posted about this before but I'll be damned if I can find it in the archives.

This is a street installation from street artist Tano. S/he calls this one "Buy Nothing Chicago." Several empty packages were hung on a wall on Chicago's busy Division street. I absolutely love the visual aesthetic this gives. It's similar to how I perceive a store when I walk in with no intention of purchasing anything.

I just hope Tano didn't have to buy all of the original items in these packages to create this piece.

(Wooster Collective via Chicagoist & Michaelia)

Aug. 31st - Unreviewable Purchases

Purchased for my girlfriend:

[ Goose Island Demolition Belgian Ale (12. oz. bottle, $3.00 ]

Purchased for my dinner guests:

[ Grains Electio 2004 Cotes Du Ventoux White Wine (750 ml.) from Lush Wine and Spirits ($9.00) ]

Aug. 31st - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Fat Tire Amber Ale (22 oz.)

Item Purchased: Fat Tire New Belgium Amber Ale (22 oz.)
Location Purchased: Lush Wine And Spirits / 1306 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.50 + tax

Review: I've tried this new-ish beer several times since its debut in the Chicagoland area, however, this is the first time I have purchased one all for my lonesome as an after-work libation to take the edge off.

Fat Tire seemed to just appear from out of nowhere earlier this year. It actually appeared from out of Fort Collins, Colorado's New Belgium Brewery. I don't know a whole lot about the brewery itself, but the bottles of this fine beer say that they are "wind-powered," which explains why all of the local Whole Foods stores builds Tom-Hanks-in-Big-sized forts out of cases of it. I think it's great that the production of this lovely beverage is powered by a renewable energy source. If only all of our vices, simple pleasures, conveniences and inebriating substances could claim this.

The beer itself is complex, but not overwhelmingly so. Instead of knocking the drinker's tastebuds with a one-two of spices and hops, Fat Tire relies on balance and blending. Upon first sniff of this aromatic beer, I was fondly reminded of my childhood rides along Milwaukee's Highway 43, near both the Miller and Sprecher breweries. Hops is in the air and it either makes you thirsty or makes you roll your window up. To be honest, I always hated being in the eye of that smell storm at the time, but looking back, my childhood comes alive once again. When I first sipped Fat Tire, I immediately thought of Samuel Smith's Nut Brown Ale. Almost as quickly, the blend of flavors swirling in my mouth brought to mind an October ale, then a Summertime or wheat beer and finally, it finishes with an amber crispness. This beer's allure is in it's balance and appeal to almost every type of beer lover.

I'm not sure why New Belgium brewery chose to only offer Chicago the 22 oz. sized bottles of it's great beer, but it seems to work. You can hardly walk a block in this city without seeing a neon red bicycle staring you in the face. At an average of $6.00-$7.00 a bottle in most restaurants and bars, even the most stingy PBR hipster will shell out every once in a while for a bottle this size. I couldn't believe that a wine shop offers this beverage for under $4.00. Aren't wine shops supposed to be expensive and intimidating? Not Lush Wine And Spirits. With their knowledgeable and friendly staff (not to mention fair prices), Lush is worth a trek to the annoyingly sterile area just south of UIC.

$3.50 for a bottle of Fat Tire isn't the cheapest I've seen, but for a joint that is on my way home from work... I'll happily take it.

Rating: 4.75 / 5

Aug. 30th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Tropical Fruit Fury flavored Tropicana Twister (20 fl. oz.)

Item Purchased: Tropical Fruit Fury flavored Tropicana Twister (20 fl. oz.)
Location Purchased: 7-Eleven / 1350 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $0.00 (FREE with purchase of any 7-Eleven sandwich)

Review: The only reason I "purchased" this rancid drink is because 7-Eleven was giving Tropicana Twisters away for free with the purchase of any sandwich.

This tastes as if someone collected their saliva in a blender for a week, tossed a full package of Starburst candy into the mix and hit "liquefy" for a solid hour. If you buy this, you deserve what you get.

I'm not saying you are stupid.

I'm stupid for drinking as much of this beverage as I did.

I felt the twist of the knife in my tongue when I realized I had to actually pay the tax for this swill.

Rating: 0.1 / 5

Buffalo Style Chicken & American Cheese Sandwich from 7-Eleven

Item Purchased: Buffalo Style Chicken & American Cheese Sandwich from 7-Eleven
Location Purchased: 7-Eleven / 1350 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.59 + tax

Review: Sometimes I think I try 7-Eleven's newest sandwiches just to bitch about them. This time, however, I tried this sandwich because it was the only one without mayonnaise or lettuce on it. I'm not a huge fan of mayo and the lettuce at 7-Eleven often tastes like pocket aged pennies.

Despite having the most horrific invention ever to be culled from a cow's teat (American cheese), this sandwich isn't all that bad. The two chicken fingers on the sandwich taste exactly how you would expect formerly frozen convenience store chicken to taste. The bun gives the illusion of actual bread as much as it does of tar so make sure your jaw is in shape before tackling one of these. Finally and surprisingly, the buffalo breading doesn't taste like it has simply been dipped in Tabasco sauce. There is a minor amount of complexity to the spices used in this breading. We're not talking authentic South American cuisine or anything, but the spice follows the flavor and the flavor is decent. I'm not sure I can ask much more from a 7-Eleven sandwich. This is something I will buy again on days I convenience-store my lunch.

Jesus, I need a job where I can use a fully equipped kitchen for an hour a day.

We all need jobs where we can use a fully equipped kitchen for an hour a day, come to think of it.

Until that day comes, we will have 7-Eleven with their relatively un-crappy sandwich fridge.

hooray...

I guess


Rating: 3.75 / 5

From the Post-Consumer Creativity department:

Artist Ptolemy Elrington takes abandoned shopping carts and turns them into amazing metal sculptures.

(Ptolemy Erlington's Cart Sculpture via Make)

From the Sociology of Shopping department:

Eastern Connecticut State University has this odd little corner of their website dedicated to comparing and contrasting shopping malls around the world. There is even a section that lists fiction that uses a shopping mall as a primary setting.

This is an odd little site, but one I can't help but find interesting. There is nothing about the ways shopping malls are set up to comfort the shopper, causing them to lose track of time and shop more. This is just a bare bones fact site of one of the oddest pieces of American social life.


(Shopping Mall Studies)

From the Bread and Butter Choice department:

The BBC has put together a grocery list that offers you healthy alternatives to what you usually purchase. Just check the items you would normally buy and click on "build my shopping list." You will then see a page with healthy alternatives to your disgusting lifestyle. (For added fun, try checking tomatoes, apples, pears, bananas and shellfish. Check out those alternatives!!!)

(BBC Big Challenge via Lifehacker)

Aug. 29th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Monday, August 28, 2006

Aug. 28th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Sunday, August 27, 2006

2 - PNY Technologies 1 GB SD Memory Card

Item Purchased: 2 - PNY Technologies 1 GB SD Memory Card
Location Purchased: Best Buy / 1000 W. North Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $24.99 + tax/ea. (after instant rebate)

Review: When I make a trip to Best Buy or any other store to make what I would consider a "larger" purchase, I usually go in knowing full well what I am going to buy. Furthermore, I have a rough idea of what I will spend for what I want.

I walked into Best Buy today with the intent of buying a case and a 1 GB memory card for my digital camera. I expected to spend around $65 total. No impulse buy was going to get in my way. I'm not an impulse buy kind of person. If I am going to a record store or a flea market, all bets are off but electronics stores, department stores, clothing stores... All of these places come with a plan. I don't shop, I acquire necessites or desires. I'm in and out faster than a freshman at a senior prom.

During this purchase, Best Buy managed to throw a discounted wrench into this time-honored consumer ethic of mine. Approaching the glass case where the memory cards are kept under lock and key, I noticed one nearly empty rack with a few 1GB SD cards left hanging on. Retail price... $49.99... Just as I expected. But what was that fine print? A rebate? $25 off? My lucky day. Though I am diligent about retrieving mail-in rebates, I still count the initial money spent as gone. When a rebate comes in the mail, it gets deposited directly into my savings account. Mail in rebates are like free money to me. I don't buy more just because I will get a refund in 6-8 weeks.

Looking closer, however, I realized something that made me question the very foundation of my consumer habits. It wasn't a mail-in rebate. Right there on the yellow and blue tag, in miniscule black true-type font was a dilemma. "INSTANT REBATE."

Instant? You mean I don't have to fill out some ridiculous tail of my receipt and send it across the country to a nondescript P.O. Box? You just discount the price? Why not just call it a sale? Don't confuse things by telling us it is a rebate. Your fancy 6-letter words don't impress me!

So, I did what any other consumer would do. Something I normally wouldn't do.

I bought two memory cards.

I know, I know. I've shown my weakness.

Maybe I should have put that extra $25 into a savings account, but in my defense, I spent what I originally planned on spending. I even saved two cents, before tax. (and I promise to put that into a savings account)

Best Buy pulled a sneak attack. Usually we think of impulse buys as buying something we didn't actually want, but be warned, they can also come in the form of buying one more of whatever it is we set out to purchase in the first place.

So I caved, but the upside is that I probably will never need to buy another memory card for my camera. I am already in the habit of dumping any pictures I take to my computer's hard drive. At 31.25 times the size of the memory card that came with my camera, I doubt I will need to "dump" as much. At the resolution I am currently shooting my pictures for the website (640 x 480), I can store over 3,500 images on one of these cards. At the highest quality my camera can capture, I can store nearly 350 images. As a photographer who is used to being limited by 24 or 36 frames of cellulite, I don't forsee these outer limits of image capture being a problem any time soon.

It looks like this impulse buy just took care of my image storage needs for quite some time to come... And at such a value!

Rating: 4.5 / 5

Leinenkugel's Red Beer (6 12oz. bottles)

Item Purchased: Leinenkugel's Red Beer (6 12oz. bottles)
Location Purchased: Dominick's / 3140 S. Ashland / Chicago, IL
Price: $5.99 + tax

Review: Leinenkugel's and Killian's Irish Red Beers would probably be indistinguishable in a blind taste test to all but the most cultured beer aficionados. The only noticeable difference between the two is that Killian's has a bit more carbonation.

Maybe it is because of my Wisconsin roots, but I have a penchant toward Leinenkugel's when it is available. A refreshing amber beer that goes well with anything (and can easily make one forget the sub-par meal one drinks it with), Leinenkugel is still affordable here in Chicago. The taste is that of slight caramel with a quick, clean and subtle hops finish. How appropriate, because finish this sixer is exactly what my roommate and I did in no time flat.

Rating: 4.25 / 5

Safeway Select Frozen Cheese Pizza (20.5 oz.)

Item Purchased: Safeway Select Frozen Cheese Pizza (20.5 oz.) Location Purchased: Dominick's / 3140 S. Ashland / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.50 + tax

Review: Dominick's generic brand, Safeway Select is nothing if not consistent with their foodstuffs. As with the Southwest Salsa I reviewed a few months ago, this pizza is exactly what you would expect from a bargain-priced frozen dinner. After pre-heating and cooking this pizza for the suggested amount of time, the end result was spongy crust with watery tomato sauce and not even enough cheap cheese to cover its embarassing red marks that resemble some kind of acne. Bland in every way, this is food for drunks and children.

Let us not, however forget the pizza-sex maxim. Though I rate this pizza low, I will most likely reach for another sometime soon.

Of course, if you douse the pizza with Old Bay and Krazy Mixed Up Pepper like my girlfriend and I did, you transform a foodified frisbee into lazy Sunday delicacy.

Rating: 1.5 / 5

Old Bay Seasoning (6 oz.)

Item Purchased: Old Bay Seasoning (6 oz.)
Location Purchased: Dominick's / 3140 S. Ashland / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.59 + tax

Review: Here now, is the second and most important half of the holy seasoning trinity... or twinity... or something.

More important than labels is the transcendent experience this celery-salt laden east-coast spice provides you when you taste it. Intended for seafood, Old Bay has been discovered, by the more adventurous of us, to be endlessly delicious on just about any edible material in this universe. In my humble opinion, Old Bay is the missing ingredient in every crappy frozen pizza you have ever eaten.

Old Bay's flavor is packed with ingredients such as mustard seed, various dehydrated peppers, ginger and cinnamon. To the lay-cook with a heavy shake, Old Bay's flavor may come on a bit strong, but with proper training and practice, this long-lasting relish can be used to make anything taste better. Cook with it, mix up a marinate with Old Bay and water, dissolve it in soups and stews or simply sprinkle it on a bowl of rice. The possibilities are endless. Once your nerves have calmed and you have advanced to the upper levels of steadiness, Old Bay even tastes good when ever-so-delicately applied to a scoop of vanilla ice cream.

A house without Old Bay is obviously not a house where I live.

Rating: 4.75 / 5

Jane's Krazy Mixed-Up Pepper (2.5 oz.)

Item Purchased: Jane's Krazy Mixed-Up Pepper (2.5 oz.)
Location Purchased: Dominick's / 3140 S. Ashland / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.99 + tax

Review: Hear me now! Any kitchen desiring my presence on a regular basis must have two of two spices. I don't care how many 1 oz. glass bottles of exotic foreign herbs and bat toenails are on the handmade wooden rack on the wall. If there is no Old Bay or Krazy Mixed-Up Pepper in your cupboard, your saucepan is about as useful as a doorstop to me.

Jane's Krazy Mixed-Up Pepper is a hard one to find, but one that is well worth the search. Inside this small dynamite casing of a shaker is a fine mix of black pepper (of course), dehydrated red pepper, green pepper, onion and sugar. Yes, sugar. The end result of your wrist shaking is a perfect blend of spicy food accents that go well with any cajun, Mexican, Indian, American... Aw hell, with anything really. This stuff makes mac-n-cheese taste like that guy from your local PBS affiliate with the cooking show is being channeled through you.

Forget the red vines, Jane's Krazy Mixed-Up Pepper sets the standard for Krazy-Delicious.

Rating: 4.5 / 5

Lychee Green Tea w/Tapioca Balls from Mountain View Chef

Item Purchased: Lychee Green Tea w/Tapioca Balls from Mountain View Chef
Location Purchased: Mountain View Chef / 2168 S. Archer Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.65 + tax

Review: I've heard rumors that you can finish a trip to Chinatown without getting a tea drink from Mountain View Chef restaurant, but I'll be damned if I ever have.

Mountain View Chef, located in the large outdoor/indoor strip mall that is Chinatown Plaza is one of the most reliable for value, quality and selection of bubble and other styles of Chinese dessert tea drinks. Usually I purchase a frozen bubble tea, but this time I opted for a simple iced green tea with sweet lychee flavoring and tapioca balls. In addition to the sugary slime of the tapioca, were chunks of lychee fruit free floating near the bottom of the tea, waiting their turn to travel up the extra wide straw included with my drink.

The one thing I wondered while sipping this refreshing tea was something I often wonder while in Chinatown. Why hasn't lychee caught on as a popular everyday fruit here in America. Wikipedia says that over-consumption of the fruit may cause dry lips, nosebleeds, pimples and mouth ulcers. Maybe that is the reason.

I'll still eat 'em though. I love my lychees. Especially in an iced tea drink from Chinatown...

...with tapioca, of course.

Rating: 3.75 / 5

Aug. 27th - Unreviewable Purchases

[ Mango Green Tea from Mounain View Chef ($2.25) (purchased for my girlfriend) ]

Aug 27th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Used Pair Of Brownish/Grey Dress Slacks

Item Purchased: Used Pair Of Brownish/Grey Dress Slacks
Location Purchased: Unique Thrift Store / 3000 S. Halsted St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $4.10 + tax

Review: It's a rare occasion when I go out with the intention of browsing and buying clothes. Acquaintances of mine have probably seen more leap years than clothes-shopping days for Kevin. If I spend a little time in a thrift store, however, I do remain open to the garment possibilities around me.

About the pants:

They're great. I can't seem to find the brand name anywhere on them. They were made in Costa Rica out of American synthetic materials. They fit well. I like them. The belt that came with the pants broke as soon as I tried fastening it, but I have other belts so that didn't concern me too much.

About my total shopping experience now:

While browsing the aisles of Unique, I came across a black button down shirt with small neon stars on one side reminiscent of the bowling alley in The Big Lebowski. It was slick, well-fitting and I wanted it, but there was one problem... It had no price tag on it. Shirts at Unique run anywhere from a dollar to upward of seven. I would have been fine paying a price that fell anywhere between that range. When I went up to the cashier, however, she informed me that anything without a price tag on it could not be sold.

Bear in mind that most (if not all) of the products at a thrift store like Unique come from donations. Any amount paid for these items is a clear profit for the store.

"Are you serious?" I asked the cashier. She reaffirmed her stance. My roommate was having the same exact problem over in his checkout line with a child's keyboard he wished to buy with intent of circuit bending it. "Can you just charge me like $8.00? I'd really like this shirt" I pressed.

"No, I'm sorry. All of the pricers have gone home for the day."

Pricers? You mean that there are several levels of employment at a thrift store? People are paid simply to look at someone's old junk and apply an arbitrary price to it? "Are you serious?" I asked again, just to make sure.

"Yes, I'm sorry."

I'm not trying to run anyone else's business, but if I were to pay $8.00 for a shirt that was probably originally priced at far less than that, wouldn't that be an ultimately good thing for the thrift store's bottom line? Hell, wouldn't this upselling/ripping-off/profiteering be looked upon as employee initiative by the "pricers" of Unique. Maybe a district manager would have heard about my cashier's loyalty to making money off of impulse customers like myself and promote her to one of (obviously) several positions within the Unique Thrift Store hierarchy.

But noooooooooooooooo... This woman had to hold her ground and exert the great veto-ing power her position holds just in case I had assaulted a member of a bowling league in the back of the store and stolen his shirt.

I've been to several stores (resale and retail) where it was possible to haggle with the employees for a discount. Here I was, ostensibly trying to upsell myself only to be met with a slap-on-the-hand "NO." Maybe I'm just bitter because I didn't get the toy I wanted, but this all seems rather ridiculous to me. In a store with thousands of shirts all falling within the same general price range, there is no general rule for clothing where the price tag has gone missing? How bad is your job when you are a cashier who has no way of price-checking a typical product of your store?

All in all, Unique is a quality thrift store with great prices and selection. If you go on Mondays, everything is half-off. Just don't expect anything in the way of competent customer service.

Rating: 3.75 / 5 (pants)
Rating: 1 / 5 (Unique's unique policies)

4 Small Wine Glasses (used)

Item Purchased: 4 Small Wine Glasses (used)
Location Purchased: Unique Thrift Store / 3000 S. Halsted St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.00 + tax

Review: Ah, thrift stores! Havens of the ultimate recyclical resale! Troves of treasures the Smithsonian never knew or will know existed. Personal biographers of entire communities. Thrift stores, outside of the stale air, screaming children and rigidly obedient sales clerks (more on that in my next review), are one of shopping's ultimate experiences.

On this trip to my local thrift store, I wasn't looking for anything in particular. I simply wandered in with my roommate Josh and traipsed up and down the aisles brainlessly. When I came upon the small shelving unit of kitchenware in the back of the store, I couldn't help but remember a few nights ago when three women sat in my apartment drinking wine out of old coffee cups. I'm not much for show or formality, but there is just something crude (even for a man like me) about drinking wine out of anything but wine glasses. There is something even more crude, however, about paying several dollars or more for a glass that is guaranteed to reflect wine aroma molecules in such a way to fill your nostrils with the sweet/sour aroma of fermented grapes. Helping me to overcome this personal paradox of particularity was a barely readable handwritten sign that said: "glasses. 4 for $1." High ratings for this value alone!

Lo! I was able to find four wine glasses of the same size and style on the dusty shelves. My roommate criticized my choice of china by suggesting that these glasses would only be capable of holding a shot of wine. I chose to ignore him, since he doesn't drink wine much anyway. Wine, in my opinion, is best enjoyed with a meal, with friends and with small sips to accent the other flavors and scents surrounding you. These small glasses will surely stir interaction between people at my dinner parties as a cat's cradle of wine-hungry reaching arms dart back and forth across the table to fill and refill these chalices. Thick and sturdy, I am sure these glasses can take the love/abuse.

My roommate can join in or drink straight from his own bottle. That is up to him.

Rating: 4.5 / 5

Jewel Brand Value Clean Paper Towels (3 rolls)

Item Purchased: Jewel Brand Value Clean Paper Towels (3 rolls)
Location Purchased: Jewel-Osco / 3033 S. Halsted St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.00 + tax

Review: I'm sure some of you are wondering why I haven't reviewed simple household purchases like paper towels after moving into my new apartment. Well, I apologize, there was about a week or so where I was reviewing only one purchase a day and much of the spree-shopping that happens when you move into a new place happened on those days. It's not like I didn't tell you about it. Don't worry. Most of that stuff is stuff I will run out of and purchase again... like these paper towels.

Paper towels have become such a habit for me. A bad habit, I admit. I really should go out and buy a stack of hand towels so I don't create so much waste. In fact, next time I am out and find myself near a linens store, I am going to do just that. As much as I windex down (that's right, windex has achieved verb-status in my life) counters and walls and everything else, I really should just have a few towels dedicated to the job that I could wash every couple of weeks. I'd hate for there to be an expose done on how much paper waste I create in any given week.

I used to buy "green" paper towels made from post-consumer waste paper, but then I realized that I was simply paying more money for a recycled product that I would simply use and throw away (recycling here in Chicago is one step above a joke and one step below a riddle, in case you were wondering). I'd love to hear from fellow paper-towel addicts in a place such as Portland, OR (I am in awe of your environmental consciousness, Portland... really, I envy you). For now, I am going to buy my paper waste cheap and try harder to wean myself off of it. Any tips on how to reduce cleaning waste would be much appreciated.

Now I feel all guilty. Paper toweling is a supremely useful invention around the house, but the ease of alternatives is one of those things that quite often slips my mind. Useful product, but probably wholly unnecessary.

Rating: 2 / 5

Negra Modelo Beer (12 oz. bottle)

Item Purchased: Negra Modelo Beer (12 oz. bottle)
Location Purchased: Pancho Pistola's / 700 W. 31st St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.50 + tax

Review: Why I was served three lime slices with this beer, I'll never know. I didn't use one of them. Dark beers and citrus just don't seem to be a logical pairing to me. I'm no beer sommelier, but I rarely even like limes in lighter Mexican beers.

Modelo Especial is the better of all Mexican beers I have tasted and their dark version is only an improvement. Negra Modelo is a Vienna style Lager with a rich caramel taste and only a subtle kiss of hops. Filled with refreshing carbonation and offering a crisp finish, Negra Modelo may go down in history as being one of the only Mexican beers I actually seek out rather than settle for.

Rating: 4 / 5

Chicken Burrito from Pancho Pistola's

Item Purchased: Chicken Burrito from Pancho Pistola's
Location Purchased: Pancho Pistola's / 700 W. 31st St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $4.95 + tax

Review: After spending all of yesterday on my couch, waiting for my head to explode, I needed some fresh air and a bite to eat. After deliberating for a while, Josh and I decided to head south in our new neighborhood to see what we could find. Though I have been there before, my light-headedness made me demand that we stop here.

Pancho's is a small, but comparably superior Mexican restaurant in Chicago's Bridgeport neighborhood. When held up to the other pizza joints, liquor stores and the casual dining restaurant, Stages across the street from it, Pancho's looks a bit fancy. I wouldn't call it fancy, but respectable. An immaculately clean neighborhood restaurant that serves authentic Mexican cuisine and grows a little tight on nights when the White Sox play, I prefer to go here on slow afternoons and nights for a strong drink and cheap meal.

There are always plenty of free chips and salsa for you at Pancho's, regardless of whether you are eating or sipping or both. Fresh hot tortillas with two types of salsa are placed on the table for you to fill up on before your meal arrives. To my surprise, I wasn't able to get that many down before my burrito arrived.

The burrito itself was extremely large. I know that it doesn't take much to make a burrito, but when you are paying only $4.95 at a sit-down restaurant, you don't expect to get this much food. This burrito isn't greasy and cheap either. The ingredients are all fresh and the chicken is lightly spiced, grilled and sliced. If my body hadn't been in overdrive yesterday, cleaning the infection out of my system, I probably wouldn't have been able to finish this sizeable and affordable meal.

Pancho's is a neighborhood restaurant that probably belongs in Little Village or Pilsen, judging by its quality food and drink, but I sure am glad it is in my new home of Bridgeport.

Rating: 4.5 / 5

From the "Hey Baby, I'm Gonna Treat You Right! Let's Go To The Mall." department:

I grew up with chauvinist media depictions of unhappily married couples where the man would hand over his credit card to the woman in order to satisfy her. I've always preferred to think that there is something more important in a relationship than money. South Africa may be trying to prove me wrong. In a recent survey conducted by a drinks company, women said that they value shopping over sex. Half of the women interviewed said men had no real understanding of their needs and desires. I'm just happy that this information has finally come to light by way of a survey. I mean, if we let this stuff go, people in relationships might actually have to speak to one another! (Dominican Today)

Friday, August 25, 2006

Aug. 25th - Weekly Buy Noting Day

Didn't spend a dime today. Didn't do much of anything but lay on the couch and fight a sinus infection. My girlfriend brought me some lunch and a decongestant because she's the best girlfriend out there.

Hopefully I won't sleep so much tomorrow and be able to focus long enough to update a bit more.

Usually buying nothing is a pleasure for me. A time of reflection. I hate to report that this buy nothing day was nothing but a pain in the neck... literally... this couch is uncomfortable.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

From the Einstein Is Alive And Well And Living Off Of Your Money department:

Give these guys $10.00 now and when they develop time travel, they will come back to retrieve you shortly before your death, rejuvinate your body and supply you with compounded interest to live off of in the future. Or they will just buy a sixer and some smokes. That's the chance you take to see the distant future.

(Time Travel Fund)

From the Keep Your Enemies Close department:

Even though I typically can't stand Peter Schweizer, I can't help but agree with some of his diagnosis of Al Gore's quest to educate the world about the dangers of conspicuous consumption. I agree with Schweizer's final suggestion that Gore should give up one of his homes if he truly believes what he is preaching, but I also think that it is a sad fact that the majority of people in this world look up to and listen to people with a lot of friggin' money. So, yes... we should all try to go a bit more green in our daily lives. Now we just need to find someone who can break through the stubborn affront that is Peter Schweizer so we can convince him to join in as well.

(SFGate)

From the How Much Is It Really? department:

I'm not the kind of guy who checks Amazon.com every day to see what the newest deals are, but when I am in the market for a purchase larger than veggie burgers and a loaf of bread (like my Canon Powershot A620), I do engage in a bit of online research and price comparison. Until now, I've been defaulting to Froogle. New site on the block, Mpire, is a price comparison search engine that not only compares prices from popular online stores such as eBay and Amazon, but it also scours the billions of ads posted to Craigslist. I wonder if that means you can get the bargain-basement price on skulls after some stranger just gives yours away?

(Mpire.com via Lifehacker)

Aug. 24th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Duracell Coppertop AA Alkaline Batteries (8 pk)

Item Purchased: Duracell Coppertop AA Alkaline Batteries (8 pk)
Location Purchased: Dominick's / 3140 S. Ashland / Chicago, IL
Price: $5.00 + tax

Review: It's hard to review a bunch of batteries immediately after purchasing them since I don't really know how long they will last. Instead, how about a short history lesson?

It turns out, these small cylindrical electrochemical powerhouses may be the proof we need that religion and technology are more closely related than originally thought. Dating back to 200BC, battery technology may have come from Baghdad. Theories abound as to what the original Baghdad Batteries were used for. On the more practical end of things, they may have been used for electroplating gold onto silver. The other end of the spectrum suggests that they were used in acupuncture and for inducing religious experiences in people. You can read more about the science of the Baghdad Batteries here. (And if you really want to see something bizarre, check out this video of a guy who believes that technology such as battery power comes from aliens on Planet X)

Regardless of what you believe, I think it is interesting that battery power may have been used for religious experience as far back as 200BC. I purchased these Duracells for use in my new digital camera. An artistic/creative tool. Creative endeavors and conversation are the closest I seem to get to divinity anymore. Many batteries are used in remote controls for television. Another object of worship, if you will. Coincidence? I think not! The Discovery channel should give me a ten minute spot!

Back in reality, these batteries powered up my camera and were less than $1.50 per cell (coughcough7-elevencough). I can take pictures again and bring myself closer to purchasing a Flickr account. The next week or two will tell me how "Dura-" these cells are.

I'll also keep you updated on whether or not I have any religious experiences.

Rating: 3.75 / 5

Chow Udon with Chicken from Joy Yee

Item Purchased: Chow Udon with Chicken from Joy Yee
Location Purchased: Joy Yee's Noodles / 1335 S. Halsted St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $8.95 + tax

Review: Man, it's been a while since I had some good udon... or any udon at all that is.

For the uninitiated, udon is a wheat based noodle that originated in Japan. When cooked properly, it takes on a slight doughy consistency and tastes good with almost anything you put on it or it in. Soups, rice, soy, barbecue sauce, tofu, chicken, beef, garlic, salt, pepper, kimchee and even the dreaded mushroom (I hate mushrooms!). You name it, udon makes it better.

Joy Yee's Chow Udon comes lightly stir fried and slathered with soy sauce, onion, scallions, zucchini, egg and mushrooms (I even ate a few). The pieces of chicken in this dish are not only fresh, but large enough that you can tell they are fresh by just looking at them. There were pieces of chicken in here longer than the distance between my wrist and the tip of my middle finger. Masterfully balanced, this dish had a subtle sweetness to it, followed by just enough salty soy flavor to bring out each ingredient's individual taste. Sometimes soy sauce is used as a mask, instead of a flavor enhancer. Not at Joy Yee.

I hate spending nearly ten dollars a day during my worktime lunch break, but I can honestly say that Joy Yee makes the cheap bastard in me shut up and eat every time.

As an added bonus, Joy Yee's carry out containers are strong and sturdy. My roommate and I are amassing quite the collection and saving plenty of money on food storage.

Rating: 4.5 / 5

From the No Way To Win This Argument department:

Gawker Media's consumer blog, Consumerist posted today about a homemade commercial on YouTube which criticizes Starbucks' customers for spending too much money on a coffee drink. The angle of this anti-corporatism 101 rant is that the money spent at Starbucks could be used to feed starving children in developing countries.

The Consumerist goes on to rightfully criticize (or "be snarky at" as Gawker Media is famous for) the video for its guilt-trip logic, then praises "internationalism" as a force that ultimately raises developing countries "out of squalor and misery. "

Those who have been reading this site (Consumatron, not "-ist") for a while know that I am not a fan of Starbucks. I have certain opinions about their policies and practices, but for the most part, I just don't like their coffee. It tastes like fireplace ash mixed with Folgers. They sell overroasted and overpriced coffee.

I buy crap every day. I review it here and give it a relative rating. I buy from local, small companies and large corporations that outsource their labor to decrease their costs. I don't regularly feel guilty about supporting companies I don't fully agree with (that would be like only befriending people who share 100% of your opinions), but when I can, I try and support companies who are more socially conscious than others.

I hate to break it to the YouTube girl who demonizes everyday people who are just trying to enjoy a high-calorie froth muck drink, but Starbucks is a lot more socially conscious than several other smaller and cheaper coffee vendors. I also hate to break it to the Consumerist, who thinks that sending business to other countries is an act that raises enjoyment, but outsourcing is done to cut costs and increase profits, not to promote altruism and cultivate karma. There is a great benefit to employing someone in a developing country, but there is also a horrible reality in laying off employees back home who have been hard and loyal workers. In the end, there is simply a stasis. The problem, the way I see it, is that modern business is set up to continually increase profits rather than sustain an acceptable level of profitability.

The Consumerist is spot-on in regards to our right to enjoy ourselves, but when our consumption becomes a contest to see who can acquire the fanciest products and services (or more money) while others can't acquire clean drinking water, then Houston, we have a problem. Economic globalization (let's not avoid what it really is by calling it "internationalism") is inevitable in this interconnected world. The ways we are going about it are probably very wrong and we may look back on this era as an era of global economic slavery, but I firmly believe the first steps to something better are to recognize where our money is going, realize that spending money is not a joy in itself, examine our consumer habits and begin a dialogue with other people about it.

All great works, whether they are a work of art or a cup of coffee won't amount to much if they don't deal with people. In this case, that means the customer of the product and the peripherally involved. Enjoy your life. Enjoy your friends. Enjoy your purchases. Enjoy trying to make things a bit better for others sometimes. Just don't forget to communicate about it all. Hopefully there will be an enjoyment there that transcends consumerism, business and snarkiness.

Forgive me. I'll get off my high horse now. I'm not sure what prompted this outburst (just after I told someone that Consumatron isn't a political site too...). The blog-driven dialogue (blogalogue?) on Consumerist just struck a chord in me. Maybe I'm hoping for some kind of Hegelian dialectic truth after seeing two sides of an argument (both of which, I disagree with), because I sure don't have the answer. I'll get back to reviewing stuff now. Let me just end by paraphrasing The Consumerist's closing thoughts on the post in question:

Thanks, Consumerist and YouTube girl, for the discussion. I think the messages both suck. But thanks!

[ YouTube Starbucks Commercial - Consumerist.com's Response ]

Aug. 23rd - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

From the Green Doesn't Always Mean Go department:

I buy a lot of convenient consumer crap. You've all seen it reviewed here on the site. I smoke and will never claim that giving money to big (or small) tobacco is a virtuous purchase. When I can, I do put my spending dollars into local or "greener" companies, but even the most militant vegan that weaves his own shirts from grass that died a natural death has to admit that it is not so easy to remain conscious of every dollar spent. Hell, spending a dollar either takes cash (dead trees, unhealthy work conditions in copper mines) or credit (plastic that won't biodegrade or toxic circuit boards that are used to run your credit information to and from your bank). It's impossible to be a conscious consumer all of the time without ripping your hair out of your head.

It makes me smile when I find an article about responsible spending that admits many of the tactics used to lure in "conscious" consumers is simply green colored BS.

At the very end of this article, there is even some sound advice on how to become a more responsible consumer, including shopping locally and consuming less altogether.

(The Showbuzz)

Aug. 22nd - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Monday, August 21, 2006

Chorizo Burrito from Earwax Cafe

Item Purchased: Chorizo Burrito from Earwax Cafe
Location Purchased: Earwax Cafe / 1561 N. Milwaukee Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $7.25 + tax

Review: Chorizo. It looks a lot like horse meat with its orange color, is made by grinding up fatty pork, mixed with a Spanish paprika and tastes great in breakfast dishes. In my opinion, the best chorizo is the kind that is cooked until it is dry and left to accent the eggs or other meal elements it is prepared with. Some of the best chorizo is the simplest, such as the way Kristoffer's Cafe adds it to their egg dishes.

Vegetarian chorizo is a bit different and not usually done well at all. My girlfriend once bought a product known as "soyrizo" and the consistency and taste wasn't anything I would rave about. It seemed too watery and loaded with generic spice comparable to Tabasco sauce.

Earwax's vegetarian chorizo is made with seitan, which is quickly becoming my favorite meat substitute (see my review of Earwax's seitan reuben). The seitan chorizo inside this tortilla roll had a more earthy spice to it and was difficult to distinguish from the refried beans along side. Also stuffed with small potato chunks, tomato slices, diced onion and gobs of cheddar cheese, there was enough flavor and texture in this burrito to satisfy even the most dedicated of carnivores. Served with a side of chips and salsa, I couldn't finish my meal and ended up taking half of the burrito with me as I left Earwax to check out some PF Flyers at Akira (an overpriced and too-fancy-for-my-tastes clothing boutique) and do some digging at the best record shop in the midwest (Dusty Groove).

Vegetarian chorizo may not have the zing that I love in the ground pork variety, but the Chorizo Burrito has just been put on the shortlist of standards for me at Earwax Cafe.

Rating: 4.25 / 5

Green Tea w/Honey from Earwax Cafe

Item Purchased: Green Tea w/Honey from Earwax Cafe
Location Purchased: Earwax Cafe / 1561 N. Milwaukee Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.25 + tax

Review: I wanted to try Earwax's Medicinal Throat Coat tea to see if it actually had the healing properties the name suggested. Unfortunately, the circus-themed, veggie-friendly hip cafe in Wicker Park had run out. To soothe the scratchiness remaining in the back of my throat from a weekend of sleepy illness, I used the fallback of green tea with a bit of honey and lemon.

After drinking the semi-soothing concoction of Yogi brand tea that Earwax serves, my throat did feel a little better, but when I looked at my receipt, I noticed that I was charged for a Medicinal tea. Since the price of both teas is exactly the same, I wasn't upset. Later in the day, however, I was reflecting on my green tea order. Earwax carries three different types of green tea, but my waiter didn't stop to ask me which type I wanted. Furthermore, I don't know what kind of green tea I received. I would very much like to know since this particular glass of tea was not bitter in the way some others are.

All I can tell you is that the little tag on the end of the tea string had printed on it, "May your inner self be secure and happy." Well, my throat (which is sort of my inner self) did feel better, but now, in hindsight, I wonder if this refreshing and mildly flavored tea was Japanese Bancha, Dragonwell, Jasmine or Genmaicha. Whichever type of green tea it was, I hope to deduce from future visits to Earwax, so I can purchase it again when I want something a little less harsh on the throat than coffee.

Rating: 4 / 5

To Be Reviewed On Mediatron

Item Purchased: LP: Roy Haynes - Senyah
Location Purchased: Dusty Groove / 1120 N. Ashland / Chicago, IL
Price: $8.99 + tax






Item Purchased: LP: Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings - Dap-Dippin' With Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings
Location Purchased: Dusty Groove / 1120 N. Ashland / Chicago, IL
Price: $11.99 + tax

Aug. 21st - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Dean's Half & Half (16 oz.)

Item Purchased: Dean's Half & Half (16 oz.)
Location Purchased: Dominick's / 3140 S. Ashland / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.59 + tax

Review: Milk is pretty gross if you think about it. Even if you don't factor in all of the horrible conditions so many cows are kept in to provide this stuff to you. Even if you forget that rbST is pumped into many cows causing illness, an increase in human diabetes and hypertension, infertility in cows and god knows what else. Even if you forget about modern chemicals in our food at all, we are drinking from a cow's teat. I like cows. Most of the time, they are friendly, oddly cute animals with very little care or concern for what goes on around them. As much as I like cows, I don't think I would ever get down and suckle one of their udders. Yet, that's what I do every time I drink a cup of coffee. Half & Half isn't even all milk. It is half milk and half butterfat skimmed off the top of raw milk.

It usually doesn't bother me, but tonight as I recover from being sick all weekend and sip a cup of coffee, it just makes my stomach turn. Yet, I can't drink coffee without it. Go figure.

Maybe next time I buy this stuff, I will update this review to be a bit more substantial. For now I'll give it a solid average rating.

Rating: 2.5 / 5

Lucerne American Cheese Food Slices (16 slices)

Item Purchased: Lucerne American Cheese Food Slices (16 slices)
Location Purchased: Dominick's / 3140 S. Ashland / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.50 + tax

Review: As a general rule, I don't look at American cheese as cheese at all. The packaging of most American cheese (including Lucerne's) even labels the contents as "Cheese Food." American cheese is usually a mixture of a little bit of cheddar (an actual cheese), colby (another actual cheese...we're on a roll here), several other dairy ingredients, artificial coloring and a whole lot of added salt (way off track now). In general, American cheese makes me gag. It reminds me of eating cheese flavored pudding.

There is one thing that I love American cheese for, though... Grilled Cheese.

Being from Wisconsin, I grew to love all cheeses. Cheddar, Swiss, Provolone and even the least Wisconsin-esque cheese, Feta. As a child, I even loved American cheese. As I grew and my tastes changed, however, I realized that cheese and crackers with this monstrosity of dairy chemistry simply made everything taste like dull salted wax paper. The one thing that never lost its zing was grilled cheese. Grilled cheese sandwiches are just not the same with cheddar. Actual cheese is naturally oily and creates an odd slippery sensation when melted between two slices of bread by itself. American cheese, with all of its additives, achieves the perfect gooey consistency to hold the bread together and fill my drooling cheesehead with just the right amount of cheese flavor.

I have trouble telling most American cheese slices apart, so I can't compare Lucerne's product with that of any other manufacturer. I can say that American cheese has one more virtue than its one and only culinary use... It's not Velveeta.

Rating: 2.25 / 5

Stewart's Private Blend Ground Coffee (23 oz.)

Item Purchased: Stewart's Private Blend Ground Coffee (23 oz.)
Location Purchased: Dominick's / 3140 S. Ashland / Chicago, IL
Price: $7.55 + tax

Review: Stewart's coffee is a local Chicago coffee and tea company that has been in operation since 1913. For 93 years, the business has remained in the Stewart family, refusing to be bought out by the larger coffee companies in the Chicago area. If I had known all of this before buying this can of coffee grounds, this would have made me buy the coffee without further deliberation. I have a weakness for family owned businesses with stubbornness and a pride in their product.

This, however, was not the reason I bought a can of Stewart's private blend ground coffee. The reason I bought it was more of a test to see if Stewart's slogan, "It's Really Good," was simply hubris. After brewing a pot of this local pick-me-up, I decided that if I were on the team over at Stewart's, I would change the slogan to "It's Pretty Good."

Stewart's private blend is a medium roast coffee that has only a slightly unique flavor due to a faint earthy spice. Perhaps this was a new flavor sensation in 1933-34 when Stewart's private blend was chosen as the "Official World's Fair Coffee" but I'm a child of the eighties (you know... the decade with all of the horrible fashion and children's cartoons created by speed freaks) and I've tasted several coffees with this kind of flavor. Stewart's has a step up on other grocery-store brands of coffee such as Folgers, but is nothing to write home about. The price is reasonable for a can of grounds this size and there is no bitter aftertaste such as with other pre-ground coffees.

Though not the best cup of coffee I've brewed at home, I may default to Stewart's when I want a quick, pre-ground can of coffee. I'd really like to get a new coffee grinder so I can try a fresh-ground cup of this local caffeinated legend. Anyone who is passionate about their coffee knows this is the only way to experience it anyway.

Update (08/22/2006): Added bonus! I made a pot of this coffee this morning and only drank two cups. When I got home after work, I reheated the coffee pot with the morning brew still in it and it still tasted fresh. I've had specialty coffees that don't retain their flavor after they cool down. Stewart's may be on to something.

Rating: 3 / 5

Campbell's Select Gold Label Roasted Red Pepper And Tomato Soup (18.3 oz)

Item Purchased: Campbell's Select Gold Label Roasted Red Pepper And Tomato Soup (18.3 oz)
Location Purchased: Dominick's / 3140 S. Ashland / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.55 + tax

Review: A soup with red pepper in it may not have been the best choice as a home remedy for a sore throat. Despite the scratchiness it left in my already raw esophagus, this soup is tastier than most... And there is only so much canned chicken base a person can stand. I needed something that at least mimicked a fresh taste. Damn the scratchy throat! What doesn't kill you makes you hurt a little bit, right?

Can anyone tell me, also, what the signifigance of packaging fresh soups in boxes is? Does the coated cardboard keep certain ingredients fresh? Is it a psychological game that companies play on consumers to make us think that we are getting something vastly different from canned soup counterparts? Whatever the phenomenon, I always seem drawn to soups in boxes. It's probably all in my head, but they often taste better to me as well.

This particular box o' soup has a natural sweetness from the red peppers which are still present in small chunk form. Underneath the initial sweet flavor, there lies the well known pasty Campbell's Tomato Soup flavor which quickly gives way to a lingering spiciness. Certainly better than most of the Campbell's canned soups I have tried in my day, but not quite good enough to live up to their age-old slogan. I'll give Campbell's Select Gold Label Roasted Red Pepper and Tomato Soup one "Mm" though.

"Mm good."

Rating: 3 / 5

Healthy Choice Chicken With Rice Soup (15 oz.)

Item Purchased: Healthy Choice Chicken With Rice Soup (15 oz.)
Location Purchased: Dominick's / 3140 S. Ashland / Chicago, IL
Price: 2.45 + tax

Review: I'm not sure if it was the shopping in the rain or the stress of trying get in touch with several people only to be met with no callbacks or returned e-mails. Whatever the cause, I was sick today! Sore throat, queazy stomach, sleep-on-the-couch-while-watching-PBS sick! Between naps, I managed to make it down the road on my bike to pick up some soup and solid food so I wouldn't dehydrate in addition to throbbing. I'm not so sure of the actual curative properties of canned chicken soup anymore in this age of factory farming, but the childhood psychosomatic myth has stuck with me. Healthy Choice's website claims that our health is all about the choices we make, though the choices they seem to be focussing on are the ones that involve fat, calories and added sodium. They say nothing about where their ingredients come from.

Regardless, I was illin' and just needed the placebo of chicken broth across my lips to make me feel better. The one thing I noticed immediately about this soup was that the vegetable chunks (celery and carrots) were surprisingly crisp for floating in broth since they had been canned. The rice and broth weren't too salty and lived up to the promises made on Healthy Choice's website, but the chicken was anything but fresh. Nearly falling apart at a glance, the chicken chunks were spongy and bland. This could have been from soaking in liquid for so long, but this soup would have been a lot better without the actual chicken pieces.

Rating: 2 / 5

From the Credit? All I Get Is The Willies department:

Need a new couch? How about a lamp made from a woman's body wrapped in red latex? It doesn't matter if you have bad credit, because this guy will give anyone who is brave enough to talk to him a line of credit. Creepiest store commercial ever! (Transbuddha)

Aug. 20th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Aug. 19th - Weekly Buy Nothing Day!

But we all do it. Whether it is the businessman out on his coffee break buying another cruller and cup or the anarchist holding the anti-corporate sign in one hand and a McDonald's breakfast sandwich in the other (true story, read the FAQ). We hardly notice it when it happens and we rarely research where our money is going or even what the things we buy are doing to us. But day after day, we work for these things. We punch in and talk about the weather with our co-workers and punch out again as much for that new television as for that loaf of bread. I'm not even sure if there is a hierarchy of desires in our minds up to a certain point.

This is why I take a break every week. To think and utilize. To stop sliding and step slowly for a while.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Large Thin Crust Pizza w/ Green Peppers

Item Purchased: Large Thin Crust Pizza w/ Green Peppers
Location Purchased: Ricobene's Pizzeria / 252 W. 26th St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $14.89 + tax

Review: Ricobene's, which has several locations in the Chicago area, is famous for one thing and that is their breaded steak sandwiches. Before reading this review and ordering a delicious pizza from this classic Italian Pizzeria, do yourself a favor and order one of their sandwiches. But be warned!!! Only order the steak sandwich from the Ricobene's on 26th street. Back in 2001, when I was working at O'Hare airport, a police officer once told me that the location on 26th does everything better. I went to the location on Wells St. at least once a month when I was working Sears Tower, thinking there was no way it could be any better than that. That was until I tried the sandwiches from the 26th St. location.

You have been warned.

This was the first time I had ever tried Ricobene's pizza. I've never been convinced that an Italian restaurant is the ultimate place to order pizza. Other cultures were eating veggies and other things on flat round bread for centuries before the Italians. When I go to an Italian restaurant, I like a nice Sicilian beef or chicken parmesan. Anyone with a can of tomato sauce and some kraft cheese can make a good pizza, right? I forgot who said it, but I do firmly believe that pizza is like sex... Even when it's bad, it's good.

If that is true, then pizza from Ricobene's is like an orgy on the beaches of Sardinia. The one aspect of Ricobene's pizza that stands out is their tomato sauce. Most pizza sauce tastes like ketchup to me with its high sugar content and smooth texture. The sauce on Ricobene's pizza actually tastes like a fully ripe tomato. Little or no sugar is added, so the only sweetness you taste is the natural sugars from the tomatoes themselves. In addition to the delicious sauce, this pizza was simply gooey with cheese and well peppered with the green variety we asked for. Ricobene's crust is nothing special, but it is well tossed and cooked so that you are not gnawing on dough or choking on carbon. This is a damn fine pizza!

Still, though... if I wasn't ordering food for my vegetarian girlfriend and I, you can bet your last slice I would have ordered a king size breaded steak sandwich!

Rating:
4.5 / 5

Onion Rings from Ricobene's

Item Purchased: Onion Rings from Ricobene's
Location Purchased: Ricobene's Pizzeria / 252 W. 26th St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.39 + tax

Review: Ricobene's makes onion rings the way I like 'em and the way most of my friends don't. The onions aren't too thick, the breading is simple and actually tastes like bread and they are never overcooked. The one thing Ricobene's could do to make the O.R. experience better would be to send along a little ranch dressing with them.

Rating: 4.25 / 5

Tsingtao Beer (6pk)

Item Purchased: Tsingtao Beer (6pk)
Location Purchased: Dominick's / 3140 S. Ashland / Chicago, IL
Price: $6.99 + tax

Review: My friends and I now lovingly refer to this beer as "Chinaken" after my girlfriend introduced us to the phrase. Tsingtao is, in fact a Chinese beer that is bottled and tastes much like Heineken beer. Both companies use green glass bottles and both companies produce a pale gold beer that is both refreshing and just a tad bitter. Tsingtao has more of a hoppy taste than Heineken, and though I don't like beers that are too heavy on the hops, this one seems to get it just right. Often on special ($0.50 off this time!) in my neighborhood (which conveniently borders Chicago's Chinatown), this is the beer I will probably buy the most of when I don't feel like slumming it with Old Style or PBR.

Rating: 4 / 5

M&Ms (3.14 oz. bag)

Item Purchased: M&Ms (3.14 oz. bag)
Location Purchased: Citgo / 2477 S. Archer Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.19 + tax

Review: I am so glad these little candies don't talk like their Bert & Ernie altar egos on the commercials. Not only would they annoy the piss out of me with their inane conversations and put-on stupidity, but I'd feel really guilty about biting their heads off and sucking out their chocolatey brains.

Does anyone know why we anthropomorphize things we are supposed to eat? What is the psychology behind that?

I'm not a big candy eater, but after my girlfriend was hit by a car, she was right, we needed chocolate. M&Ms (as if you didn't already know) have a thin candy shell around milk chocolate. My favorite thing to do with them is to suck on them until the candy shell dissolves away and cracks under pressure. That way, when you make it to the chocolate center, it has been cooking in your oven of a mouth for a while and is half melted when you get to it.

I bought these candies at the Citgo on Archer and Halsted, which I found out, doesn't sell ibuprofen or beer. So, really, all you can get at this Citgo is gas and candy. Something tells me I won't be visiting this (in)convenience store very often.

Rating: 3 / 5

Safeway Select Ibuprofen Tablets (24 ct.)

Item Purchased: Safeway Select Ibuprofen Tablets (24 ct.)
Location Purchased: Dominick's / 3145 S. Ashland / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.99 + tax

Review: When I got the phone call telling me that my girlfriend had been hit by an inconsiderate, litigiphobic coward in a gold intrepid who turned left on a red light and sped off after having a human being... my girlfriend... roll over his hood onto the ground, I did what any boyfriend in his right mind would do. I stayed on the phone with her until the paramedics made sure she was okay, waited on my front step while the cops drove her to my place, smoked half a pack of cigarettes, bit a few nails, held her in my arms and stayed with her until I was sure she was okay and then walked a mile or so in the rain to get her some ibuprofen, coke, chocolate and beer. First, I walked to Citgo where they had every pill imaginable except for pills with ibuprofen in them. So, I started back down Archer until I caught a cab (which smelled like a narcotics lockup that caught on fire) to the Dominick's a mile down the road.

By the time I got to the store, I looked like a wet dog. By the time I bought this ibuprofen and beer and started back home on foot, I looked even worse. As I was passing Los Com Padres bar on Archer Ave., a Mexican man told me that he would buy "a cerveza for the wet gringo." When I told him my girlfriend got hit by a car, he told me that it would be "two cervezas for the wet gringo then." He smiled a drunken smile and I returned with a wet one. As I politely declined and kept on my way, the man yelled at me "Okay gringo! You come back any time and I will buy you that cerveza!" If I thought the man would remember his offer, I would take him up on it. By the time I got home, I looked like... well... take a look for yourself.

My girlfriend swears by ibuprofen because of its anti-swelling powers. I'd have happily walked the entire length of the city for to get a bottle of this stuff for her. As angry as I am that we live in a society where people are so irresponsible and afraid of getting sued that they would speed off in their car after running into someone, I'd like to share with you that several people stopped to help my girlfriend and make sure she was okay. So thank you decent people of Chicago. You fill this city with the reasons I stay here. Specific thanks to Michael for calling the police and letting me know what was going on.

Rating (ibuprofen): ? / 5
Rating (hit-and-run-drivers): -5 / 5
Rating (helpful decent Chicago citizens): 6 / 5
Rating (my girlfriend's health and safety): 10 / 5

Swiss and Bacon Omelette from The Steak & Egger

Item Purchased: Swiss and Bacon Omelette from The Steak & Egger
Location Purchased: Steak 'n Egger / 1174 W. Cermak Rd. / Chicago, IL
Price: $5.89 + tax

Review: I'd heard on good authority (my friend Conrad, who will be having a gallery opening at Linda Warren Gallery on Sept. 8th... come marvel at the Slipping Glimpser!!!) that the Steak 'n Egger was a good source for your daily allowance of "Vitamin G." Vitamin G is, of course, grease.

Conrad was right. He's a very observant character.

The Steak 'n Egger is so much more than this, though. Of the types of diners I have categories for, the Steak 'n Egger is what sets the standard for Type 3. The food is cheap, the waitresses are friendly but curt and anything that can be put into a to go cup, is. Think truck stop without the trucks. You get what you pay for here and then you get to gettin'.

Tucked away on the desolate industrial stretch of Cermak and serving as a last stop on the border between the Pilsen and Bridgeport neighborhoods of Chicago, the Steak n' Egger is a melting pot of character types. If a movie hasn't featured this diner, someone call the Columbia film department! Though not the kind of place you will find many students of universities studying, this tiny diner offers more sociological sightings and lessons than any tuition charge can buy you. Open twenty-four hours (a sign in the window reads "We Doze, but we never close"), this oasis of omelettes attracts a wide array of characters, each stuck in a different stage on the sobriety scale. The only class that exists at the Steak 'n Egger is short order 101. The only race is the race for the nearest bar or bathroom when you are done eating. Substitutes are frowned upon and if you don't like what you get, get out. Though they offer an extensive menu of fried diner fare, this is one restaurant that does not cater to the particular or picky.

My omelette, for example, was a simple three egg fold stuffed with rough, chunky bacon pieces. The $0.90 extra I paid for three slices of Swiss cheese was one slice cut into three strips and laid on top of the omelette and allowed to melt for exactly zero seconds. The side of toast is pre-buttered with no sign of any extra. The hash browns leave a brown, grill-matching puddle of grease on your plate and slide down just as easy as the water in your glass. I overheard sports chatter, trash talking and gruff silence as I pulled the slippery food off of my plastic plate. Here you don't pay much, but you pay for an experience as much as you do the food.

The Steak 'n Egger is my kind of place, that could only exist and thrive on the south side of Chicago. If you look carefully, you'll see me there sometime, in the corner, listening, grinning and sipping a cup of weak coffee with sleep in my eyes.

Rating: 4.25 / 5

Aug. 18th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Thursday, August 17, 2006

From the Woot A Credit Card Bill! department:

The shipper's union is up in arms because over at Woot.com, it's another Woot-Off!!! (Woot.com)

Belgian Waffle With Berries from Eleven City Diner

Item Purchased: Belgian Waffle With Berries from Eleven City Diner
Location Purchased: Eleven City Diner / 1112 S. Wabash / Chicago, IL
Price: $8.25 + tax

Review: I needed something to fill my stomach after all of the vomiting I did the night before. Something not too exotic with flavor and something that would soak up any excess bile that was plotting its revenge in my gut.

I received a fantastic thick waffle with natural vanilla flavor and loads of fresh strawberries and blueberries on top. Everything was so good that I even risked the maple syrup. I'm not saying that Eleven City's Diner has healing powers, but after eating every last bite of this waffle, I felt much better. Eleven City does specialize in deli and comfort food, and I can't think of a place where I feel more comfortable during and after my meal.

If you are in the Chicago area, read this website on a regular basis and haven't gone to Eleven City for a meal yet, shame on you. What else do I have to do? Take you by the hand and buy you your meal?

Rating: 4.25 / 5

Aug. 17th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

[ 3-for-2 pack of Parliament Light Cigarettes ($14.74) ]

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Head of Iceberg Lettuce from Dominick's

Item Purchased: Head of Iceberg Lettuce from Dominick's
Location Purchased: Dominick's / 1340 S. Canal St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.00 + tax

Review: Why would anyone make a salad out of iceberg lettuce? Why not just drink a glass of water. It tastes the same, and if the water is from the tap, there are probably more nutrients in it. You know what iceberg lettuce is good for? Feeding rabbits and putting on sandwiches. I was going to do the latter, but now this inexpensive head of lettuce sits wilting (most likely) in my girlfriend's refridgerator.

Maybe her cat will use it to trap rabbits.

Rating: 2 / 5

4 Russet Potatoes from Dominick's

Item Purchased: 4 Russet Potatoes from Dominick's
Location Purchased: Dominick's / 1340 S. Canal St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.09 + tax

Review: These were going to be the potatoes I was going to cut into strips to make spicy french fry sandwiches before the food poisoning hit. They now sit on my girlfriend's kitchen table, staring out the window. Perhaps next week.

Dominick's russets are always large and twisted. They often need to be thoroughly washed because there is still dirt and dust from the potato fields on them. After all is said and done, you have a large carbo meal for you and your friends at just the right price.

Rating: 4 / 5

1 Head of Garlic from Dominick's

Item Purchased: 1 Head of Garlic from Dominick's
Location Purchased: Dominick's / 1340 S. Canal St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $0.50 + tax

Review: I eat a lot of garlic. I appologize in advance to anyone who may have caught a whiff of my breath in the hours after eating garlic before it has totally ran its course through my bloodstream. Of the garlic I have bought or seen in the past, I would argue that Dominick's always has the biggest heads and freshest selection of garlic of any chain grocery store. That's all I've got for you on this one.

Rating: 4.5 / 5

2 Limes from Dominick's

Item Purchased: 2 Limes from Dominick's
Location Purchased: Dominick's / 1340 S. Canal St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $0.40 + tax

Review: When I go to the Dominick's over in my neighborhood, I sort of long for the produce at the Jewel by my old apartment. When I go to this Dominick's, rehabbed for the up-and-coming South Loop residents, however, I feel like Randall in the movie Clerks when he walks into the chain video store. The ceilings are high, the aisles are wide and the produce is lush and fresh. I'm not quite sure how they organize their produce in this store since I have seen lemons sitting next to onions, but they are both lush and fresh, so maybe Dominick's knows something about produce storage that we don't. The prices are right as well. I got these two huge limes for less than a pack of gum (and I'm not talking that cleans-your-teeth, no-sugar, helps-you-quit-smoking kind). The fruit's flesh was pushing up against the rind as if to say "juice me please!" That's a lime.

Rating: 4.5 / 5

Dominick's Bakery French Sandwich Rolls (6 ct.)

Item Purchased: Dominick's Bakery French Sandwich Rolls (6 ct.)
Location Purchased: Dominick's / 1340 S. Canal St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.59 + tax

Review: Fresh baked French bread usually ends up with a crispy crust, good for slathering in butter and letting the crumbs fall into your lap, you slob! These rolls, however have more of a spongy crust which will make you seem more refined if you don't try and tear pieces off by flailing your head back and forth like a bear ripping into a deer's carcass. The insides of these rolls is the soft and airy bread Grandma used to make and if you toast or fry them in a skillet for a while, they are perfect for anything from bratwurst to peanut butter.

Rating: 4.25 / 5

Grey Poupon Dijon Mustard (8 oz.)

Item Purchased: Grey Poupon Dijon Mustard (8 oz.)
Location Purchased: Dominick's / 1340 S. Canal St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.89 + tax

Review: Let's be honest. This is the first dijon mustard any child of the eighties, like myself, reaches for while in the condiment aisle. This is because we all harbor a deep-seeded desire to be driving home from the grocery store to have a limo pull up with an old man with a fake British accent in the back seat who asks people in the cars next to them if they have any Grey Poupon. Those commercials engraved a fear on our psyches. We are all afraid that this scenario will actually play out and we will be caught Poupon-less.

What?

Don't try and tell me that you didn't fall for this! We all did. We watched Voltron and Transformers for chrissakes! Go back and watch those shows now. See how stupid we were? Each episode is the same damn storyline! No wonder we grew up to watch such insipid entertainment as "Will & Grace" and "Dharma & Greg."

Our coked-out '80's mentality leads us to stupid choices at the grocery store as well. Here are the truths you need to get right in your head: 1) There is no rich limo-riding fake-british accent man that wants mustard... or anything else from you. 2) Even if you hold your memories of Voltron close to your heart like I do, it was still a brainless show that gave way to the popularity of the Power Rangers. 3) Grey Poupon tastes like ground up chalk with mustard flavor mixed in.

Got it?

Good.

Rating: 1.75 / 5

McCormick Crushed Red Pepper Flakes (1.5 oz)

Item Purchased: McCormick Crushed Red Pepper Flakes (1.5 oz)
Location Purchased: Dominick's / 1340 S. Canal St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.39 + tax

Review: Again, I was going to make spicy french fry sandwiches, but the spicy doesn't usually go well with food poisoned-guts. I've used these pepper flakes from the most ubiquitous of spice merchants before though. They are only a small step up from the red pepper flakes you get out of a shaker at a pizza joint. That's not a bad thing. What this means is that just a sprinkle of these things is enough to give your food a slight flavor that cannot be described as anything but "red" and a spiciness strong enough to appease habanero eaters and mild enough to only slightly challenge people who think tiramisu is too hot. For a spice bottle this size, $2.39 is comparitavely a reasonable price too.

Rating: 3.75 / 5