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Sunday, April 30, 2006

Spinach & Feta Omelette from Eleven City Diner

Item Purchased: Spinach & Feta Omelette from Eleven City Diner
Location Purchased: Eleven City Diner / 1112 S. Wabash / Chicago, IL
Price: $7.95 + tax

Review: You are probably all tired of reading my reviews of this fantastic new restaurant. That is because you haven't eaten there yet. Once you do, you will understand what I am talking about. From the attentive waitstaff to the turbo-charged owner and, most importantly, the food itself, you will be raving about the place as much as I have. Even the majority of customers who I have witnessed take issue with the place for one reason or another have changed their mind by the time they leave (or at least come back for more with their foot placed in mouth). Trust me, give Eleven a shot and then see if you complain about my frequency there. If you agree with me, tell 'em I sent ya.

Some of you already know that I rate all omelettes I eat against the tomato, basil and parmesan cheese omelette from the Melrose Diner in Boystown. Since the first day I tried it, that has been the holy grail of omelettes. Despite all of the salivating, "mmmming" and "ahhing" my girlfriend did in response to Eleven's spinach and feta omelette, Melrose still wins. Eleven runs a close second though.

I assure you that this omelette is worth every penny you will pay. Unlike most diners who serve you a puddle of grease with some scrambled eggs and toppings in it, this is an actual folded and fluffed omelette made by someone who knows how to handle a frying pan. With hardly any grease around this egg art, the omelette almost looks as if it were baked. It really makes you forget all about cholesterol. The spinach is laced along the entire outer layer. Not too skimpy. Not too thick. Then there is the cheese.

Feta cheese. Oh so tasty. Rarely are you given enough feta cheese to satisfy your hunger at a diner. At Eleven, you are given more feta than you would receive if you were in a goat pasture in Greece...And it tastes great! When I order a feta omelette, I expect to get dried out cheese or cheese that has been sprayed down with oil or water. None of that here. Cradled in my eggs was some of the tastiest feta cheese ever to cross my morning-chapped lips, perfectly moist and balanced.

A perfect balance seems to be what Eleven is all about.

So, despite its inability to beat out my holy grail of omelettes, this one is a contender... A heavyweight... A player in the egg arena.

Oh, and did I mention it comes with a side of potatoes? Well, it does, and I finished every last one.

Rating: 4.9 / 5

Tevi's Potato Knish from Eleven City Diner

Item Purchased: Tevi's Potato Knish from Eleven City Diner
Location Purchased: Eleven City Diner / 1112 S. Wabash / Chicago, IL
Price: $5.50 + tax

Review: For those of you not in the know of Jewish cuisine, you can think of a knish as a medium-sized peirogi or samosa with an entire meal stuffed inside. For those of you who strictly cook your meals with a microwave, you can think of a knish as a gourmet Hot Pocket. For those of you who think of a Hot Pocket as gourmet food already, there is no hope for you.

Eleven City Diner makes a batch of fresh knishes daily in their deli. These delicious little things serve nicely as a small (but dense) lunch and compliment a bowl of matzoh ball soup perfectly, so if you want a knish, get to Eleven early. It is not uncommon for them to run out by the early afternoon. The race to beat the lunch crowd is worth every effort though.

What looks like an oversized dinner roll reveals itself to be a tightly packed meal of potato that sits directly on the line between baked and mashed. Across the plate from this buttery crusted ball-o-tuber sits a sizeable dish of clumpy gravy (just the way Mom used to make) to dip the knish in. I purchased this knish for Michaelia, who is a vegetarian, so I promptly whisked away the gravy and used it to dip my portion in. Michaelia used mustard, which turned out to be a fantastic way to enjoy this item. Though, at first site, this is not the best value Eleven has to offer, I will surely be ordering a knish many more times.

A lot of people have complained about Eleven not being a real Jewish deli (no kidding, it is a diner with a deli inside...read the sign!). I've heard some complain that it isn't kosher at all. That's okay by me. Eleven is the perfect amalgam of diner, deli and Chicago culinary culture all rolled into one, and I for one, cannot wait to try the meat knish.

Maybe I will even drink a glass of milk and wear a toothy smile while I eat it just to spite all of the naysayers.

Rating: 3.75 / 5

Apr. 30th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Cup of Coffee from Eleven City Diner
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: 1 Load Laundry Wash Cycle
Price: $1.75
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: 1 Laundry Dryer Cycle
Price: $1.50

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Apr. 29th - Unintentional Buy Nothing Day

A friend bought me breakfast, I found a few packs of cigarettes in my couch left over from a party my roommate threw and my girlfriend paid for my dinner after work. I haven't been this "taken care of" since I wore diapers!

Friday, April 28, 2006

Bubbie's Matzoh Ball Soup from Eleven City Diner

Item Purchased: Bubbie's Matzoh Ball Soup from Eleven City Diner
Location Purchased: Eleven City Diner / 1112 S. Wabash / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.50 + tax

Review: I bought a box of matzoh Ball mix from Treasure Island one time and made my own doughy spheres once. It was my first experience with matzoh balls, and because I went into the whole process with nothing more than the directions on the box, I was extremely disappointed. No one ever informed the young sheltered version of myself that matzohs are more of a base food ingredient or food of necessity than a delicacy to be enjoyed on their own. Though my mother sometimes claims that she is a Jewish mother trapped inside of a gentile's body, I wasn't cultured in the ways of Judaic faith or sustenance...Only worry.

It took me a while to come back to matzoh as something I would ingest by choice. I think it was when I was waiting for coffee at the Bagel on Broadway that I noticed a bowl of soup with a protruding glob of dough. Aha! So that's what Matzoh does. It is the grain equivalent of tofu. Everything seemed to fall into place.

I don't remember where I had my first accurately prepared matzoh soup, but I do recall the dough itself flaking and disintegrating into my broth until it was nothing more than broth itself. More time passed. Here and there, I encountered another matzoh. Nothing thrilled me.

Was I thrilled by the soup at Eleven? No.

Was I satisfied? Very.

I don't know about you, but when I go out to get something to eat, I am far more concerned with being satisfied with my food than thrilled. I've been to those Japanese steak houses where the cooks flip knives and throw bits of food into the air for you to catch in your mouth like some kind of trained monkey. They are fun, but when you get down to it, you are paying for a show, not a meal. Shows are great, but they can upset the stomach, especially if the price is too high.

Eleven's matzoh soup is a bowl of tasty chicken broth sprinkled with diced carrots and celery and an overbearing island of matzoh in the middle. Unlike my previous encounters, this matzoh retains its shape, soaks up the delicious flavor of the soup and leaves you with a satisfying mouthful of substance to chew.

If you want a show, you could go to some fancy Japanese steakhouse, but if you stick around Eleven long enough, the show is free, all around you and always enjoyable.

Rating: 4 / 5

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Sorry for another break, but...

...my freelance job is going to hell and the deadline is tomorrow at 10AM, the NPR event that I am in charge of here at work is also going to hell (or at least stressing me out)... And to top it off, my best friend has been missing since 7:00AM.

As you can see, it is not a good day. I hope yours is better.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Apr. 26th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Small Coffee From Filter Cafe
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Small Fireside Blend Coffee from Caribou
Review: (LINK)

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

California Sun Dry Sun Dried Tomato Halves (3.5 oz bag)

Item Purchased: California Sun Dry Sun Dried Tomato Halves (3.5 oz bag)
Location Purchased: Jewel / 1224 S. Wabash Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $4.49 + tax

Review: Woah! Too much for too little. At $4.49 for 3.5 oz, you best be making some home made focaccia bread to sell on the street corner to make this investment worthwhile. As it stands, I am only including these things in a salad tonight. Though they are moist and tasty straight from the bag, I sure as hell wouldn't make this a regular snack. I could give up smoking for sun dried tomatoes and save a bit of money but I don't think I could make a pouch of these things last for 3-4 days.

Rating: 2.25 / 5

Dole Super Sweet Strawberry Tomatoes (9 oz.)

Item Purchased: Dole Super Sweet Strawberry Tomatoes (9 oz.)
Location Purchased: Jewel / 1224 S. Wabash Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.49 + tax

Review: I've never tried a strawberry tomato before today. Cherry tomatoes, yes. Plum tomatoes, check. Strawberry tomatoes are something new to me. These small fruits, which are packaged on the vine, look like slightly larger and elongated cherry tomatoes. There were 13 on the vine in this particular package, which makes the price reasonable, though not spectacular. Their taste is sweeter than a typical cherry tomato, but also more bitter. Sometimes I find myself snacking on tomatoes with a bit of salt sprinkled on them, however, these small red bulbs don't have the allure of their close relatives. I would buy this product again for inclusion in a salad or pasta dish, but I'm afraid that is all they are good for... An ingredient.

Rating: 3.25 / 5

Lindsay California Ripe Sliced Olives (3.8 oz. can)

Item Purchased: Lindsay California Ripe Sliced Olives (3.8 oz. can)
Location Purchased: Jewel / 1224 S. Wabash Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.09 + tax

Review: I know I just got through saying that I don't like canned vegetables and I stand by that proclamation. Olives, you see, are a fruit, not a vegetable. Though I also hate most canned fruits, olives and peaches are a few I don't mind. In fact, I often prefer olives of the canned sort unless they are high-quality Kalamatas. There is something about the tinny taste of the water and the juicy flesh of each small ovoid. There are times when I simply eat a can of pitted black olives as a snack. I know it's weird, but you don't see me criticizing the way you eat oreos.

As for the pre-sliced variety, I just didn't feel like slicing the tips of my fingers off tonight.

Rating: 3.75 / 5

Bush's Best Garbanzos / Chick Peas (16 oz. can)

Item Purchased: Bush's Best Garbanzos / Chick Peas (16 oz. can)
Location Purchased: Jewel / 1224 S. Wabash Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.09 + tax

Review: I'm not a fan of canned vegetables. By and large, I find that anything that has sit in a can for longer than is needed to transport it should be considered garbage. Vegetables add to this thought by stewing in still water for days and months on end. Canned vegetables almost always remind me of the dripping frog specimens you receive in biology class. They smell and taste like formaldehyde. Sometimes, I just have to bite bullet though. Like when I don't have time to boil dehydrated beans in order to make a salad (which is almost always).

I am planning on making a spinach salad tonight which calls for some of the ingredients to be sautéed. Because of the whole miracle of smelly canned foods, I plan on sautéing the hell out of these things beyond what the recipe calls for.

Maybe some day I will have the time to boil my own chick peas. For now, that's just a pain in the garbanzos.

Rating: 2 / 5

Quaker Maple & Brown Sugar Instant Oatmeal (box of 10 1.51 oz. packets)

Item Purchased: Quaker Maple & Brown Sugar Instant Oatmeal (box of 10 1.51 oz. packets)
Location Purchased: Jewel / 1224 S. Wabash Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.79 + tax

Review: I have been getting sick of eating Dunkin' Donuts breakfast sandwiches or just a cup of coffee for breakfast on work days, so while I was shopping for ingredients for dinner tonight, I grabbed a box of instant oatmeal.

I remember when this stuff used to be called 'Instant Cereal' which is, in fact, more of an accurate label for these small packets of oats and sugar. Technically, "oatmeal" is nothing more than processed, crushed, cut or rolled oats. Inside of each of these ten packets, the oats are already rolled, so they are already "oatmeal." Hmm... now that I think about it, maybe 'Instant Oatmeal' really is the proper title for this breakfast food. What you can do with this oatmeal, a little water, a cup and wome radiation is what I have grown to love. I grew up on this mushy and sticky sweet food.

I have fond memories of my childhood winters when my father would make apple cinammon or maple syrup flavored oatmeal by boiling hot water on the stove and letting me mix it into the oatmeal he poured into a bowl. I used to love watching it slowly solidify into a quicksand textured mush that I would then suck down faster than a struggling hunter on a jungle safari.

Nowadays, I don't have much time to watch the water and oats mix. I simply pop it in the microwave and come back to an overflowing coffee cup and sticky microwaved mess. (Note to self: buy larger coffee cup for work)

I'm told (by the box) that oatmeal helps remove and reduce cholesterol, but I highly doubt these packets of sugar are ultimately healthy. They are, however, reminiscent of a home-made pancake slathered with maple syrup and left to sit until it is just about to turn to intolerably liqueous sludge. In case you were wondering, that means it tastes good. One thing is for sure, this is one of the healthier convenience foods that I have bought in a while. I'm going to try and make that a pattern if I can.

Rating: 4 / 5

Small Amy's Blend Coffee from Caribou Coffee

Item Purchased: Small Amy's Blend Coffee from Caribou Coffee
Location Purchased: Caribou Coffee / 1328 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.50 + tax

Review: Why is it that my two favorite blends of Caribou coffee are only seasonal? First, the Perennial blend that comes out at the beginning of what is supposed to be spring (It was 32 degrees here in Chicago today). Second is the late spring offering, Amy's Blend which is sold in conjunction with the National Breast Cancer Foundation, where 10% of the proceeds from this coffee go. Now I know it may not be a sound, profit-making business decision, but why not keep Amy's Blend brewing all year round to raise even more funds for Cancer research?

Amy's Blend is a light-to-medium roast despite what the packaging may tell you. Ignore, also, the claims of a melon taste to this coffee. There is an extremely minor citrus taste deep within an offsetting and perfectly flavorful earthy coffee taste that any self-respecting coffee drinker has grown to love. The two flavors mingle and combine well with each other and any extras you happen to drop into your morning cup.

Drink up people! This stuff will be gone before you realize it.

Rating: 4.75 / 5

Apr. 25th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: 1 Large Lemon from Jewel
Price: $0.74 + tax
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Fresh Red Onion
Price: $0.72 + tax
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Fresh Express Baby Spinach (6 oz. bag)
Price: $3.69 + tax
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Camel Turkish Royal Cigarettes (Hardpack)
Review: (LINK)

Monday, April 24, 2006

From the Fits The Crime? department:

Chicago homeless man, William Bahls, robbed a store clerk for $10. Judge Colleen Hyland set the man's bail at $150,000. (CBS2 Chicago via Chicagoist)

P'EatZZa Sandwich w/Turkey Breast & Pepperoni from 7-Eleven

Item Purchased: P'EatZZa Sandwich w/Turkey Breast & Pepperoni from 7-Eleven
Location Purchased: 7-Eleven / 1350 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.69 + tax

Review: I don't watch much television, but I've been told that this monstrosity of a lunch was created as part of a contest on NBC's show, the Apprentice.

If this is the kind of quality product that Trump's empire is spitting out, I'd like to fire every last one of the employees on Donald's payroll.

Seriously folks, there is no need for this anywhere in the already ridiculous American convenience arena! Educated reality show contestants (oxymoron?) came up with this thing?!? Really? If I had to guess, I would say that a hung-over and high fratboy with several brain hemorrhages rolled out of bed one morning, grabbed two cold slices of pizza from the top of an empty keg and whatever else he could find in his hops-encrusted refrigerator to make a sandwich. I think I'd have a better meal if I sliced my freezer into bite-size pieces and ingested them, freezer-burnt venison and all.

Furthermore, why the hell would the epicenter of convenience store ingenuity (7-Eleven) use a trailer-park invention from a real estate mogul's reality show when they have so much more to offer from their own creative team?

I knew this would suck. I knew so thoroughly. I also knew that there are people around the country who think this is the greatest invention since sandwiches and pizza. That is why I felt obligated to purchase one of these things and set the record straight. Pizza and coldcuts have been around for years. There is a good reason why the two haven't met in any lasting form for this long. Mark my words, these P'EatZZa (was the name thought up by jump-roping kindergarteners with sidewalk chalk, by the way?) sandwiches will not last long. If they do, I'm moving to Anarctica to open a restaurant specializing in penguin burgers and oreos.

Rating: 0.05 / 5

Medium Iced Tea from Caribou Coffee

Item Purchased: Medium Mango Iced Tea from Caribou Coffee
Location Purchased: Caribou Coffee / 1328 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.80 + tax

Review: I know I said I was cutting down on caffeine and coffee, but I have had to stay awake for reasons both self-determined and avalanched so I'm jumping back off the wagon for a week or so. At least until things even out with all the projects I have on my plate. Call me weak, but body tremors be damned... I need to stay awake for just one more hour... every hour... every night... er... morning... Sometimes a hot cup of coffee just won't do though.

Growing up, I was only exposed to pre-sweetened iced tea from powdered mixes, so you can imagine my surprise when I was out in the world on my own and ordered my first iced tea from a restaurant. It is with real compassion and empathy that I feel every southern tourist's pain when they find out that us midwesterners don't sweeten our tea by default.

I've grown to like the slightly spiced taste of iced tea (peppermint is my favorite) and Caribou Coffee's adds a barely noticeable fruit taste to the mix. This stuff is great for a hot Chicago summer day and has an ample amount of caffeine to keep my eyes open without wedging toothpicks in my ocular crevices.

I still prefer coffee though... Maybe I should make a pot.

Rating: 3.75 / 5

To Be Reviewed on Mediatron

Item Purchased: 2xLP: Soul Position - Things Go Better With RJ and AL
Location Purchased: Dusty Groove / 1120 N. Ashland / Chicago, IL
Price: $12.99 + tax

Apr. 24th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Bacon, Egg & Cheese Breakfast Sandwich on a Wheat Bagel from Dunkin' Donuts
Location Purchased: Dunkin' Donuts / 2247 N. Milwaukee Ave. / Chicago, IL
Review: (LINK)
Note: Everything was the same on this sandwich except for the bagel. Wheat bagels tend to be the biggest bagels at Dunkin Donuts, so if you want to be full by the time you get to your bus stop, opt for one of these. Also, this Dunkin' Donuts location has free wireless access for those of you who are on the lookout for hotspots like me.

Item Purchased: Medium Dunkin' Donuts Coffee (Cream & Sugar)
Location Purchased: Dunkin' Donuts / 2247 N. Milwaukee Ave. / Chicago, IL
Review: (LINK)

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Weekend break

This weekend is Greek Easter and I am going to be meeting 50+ of my girlfriend's family members tomorrow. Quite honestly, I'm shaking so bad that I can't get myself to type a coherent review. Here's to fears!

Hope everyone is having a great Earth Day.

Posts resume on Monday.

Friday, April 21, 2006

From the Rewind To The Future department:

You'll never guess what is replacing VHS tapes in video rental stores around the world. (Hint: They look like CDs but have movin' pitchers on 'em) (INS News)

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Small Ruled Moleskine Notebook

Item Purchased: Small Ruled Moleskine Notebook
Location Purchased: Barbara's Bookstore / 1218 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $11.00 + tax

Review: All rejoice! Kevin is reviewing something other than food!

Yeah yeah, I've been busy. Sorry I'm not the shopping-spree blogger you wish I were. It's been rare that I find a spare moment to buy something I want rather than need lately. This purchase is no different. I consider small notebooks that I can easily carry with me wherever I go a necessity.

I was first turned on to these slightly overpriced and ultimately useful notebooks when I was traveling the country and living out of my van in 2001. I stumbled across the Moleskine while I was perusing a bookstore in West Virginia or Maryland (or was it Montreal?) and I've rarely looked back since. Sturdy, compact and impressively versatile, Moleskines have become the object of many artists' and writers' affection throughout history. Read the packaging and they will tell you that several greats from Van Gogh to Hemingway have used these French/Italian made wonders. Blah blah blah. The most important thing is that people like you and I are able to revel in the Moleskine's utility and tap into their unlimited potential.

Available in many sizes and formats, my personal favorite is the pocket sized ruled notebook which contains 192 sturdy pages on which to keep notes, sketches and contact information. I've written stories, drawn pictures of the Empire State Building and posted notes to my roommates on the pages of Moleskines. Often, I carry one around in my back pants pocket where it is always ready to be drawn like the creative person's weapon of choice it is. Sometimes I use it as a replacement for my wallet. The signature pocket located on the inside of every Moleskine's back cover allows for easy storage of anything from currency to love letters to paint swatches (all of which I have done). If you ask me, Moleskines are much more useful than the Jimi Wallet I've been reading so much about lately (better looking and more affordable too).

More importantly is the currency of ideas a Moleskine opens you up to. No matter how much cash or credit you insist on carrying on your person, there is no one poorer than the person who does not have an outlet for their creativity. With a Moleskine, I am never lacking.

Rating: 4.75 / 5

Buy an entire economy you can fit in your pocket at Amazon.com: Consume.
Image from Amazon.com

2 Sprite Lemon-Lime Sodas (24 oz. plastic bottle)

Item Purchased: 2 Sprite Lemon-Lime Sodas (24 oz. plastic bottle)
Location Purchased: Jim's Original / 1250 S. Union St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.50 w/tax ($1.25 ea.)

Review: I don't partake in carbonated drinks too often. I didn't even want to partake in this Coca-Cola product today, but after buying an old manager of mine a gourmet lunch at Jim's Original and watching him suck down the tasty sparkling beverage from the neon green bottle in his hands, I had a hankering for one myself. I may be easily swayed or it may have been all of the moisture-eating salt floating around in my body after eating a Polish sausage and French Fries that muddled my brain with a desperation for moisture.

I tend to shy away from Sprite in particular because of that ridiculous ad campaign they had in the late 1990s with the slogan, "Obey Your Thirst," where Coca-Cola used flashy imagery to prove that they didn't have an image and urge you to simply drink whatever you want when you are thristy. Of course, the rub of the commercials was to subliminally convince you that you always wanted Sprite when you were thirsty because of their memorable anti-image. Coke was in on the nihilism of the time man! They were hip! Sweet! I'll drink this nihilhipster drink from now on! I'm devoting my thirst to a brand because I'm thirsty, not because I'm easily swayed by advertising.

Yeah right.

Let's be honest, Sprite starts off tasting pretty damn refreshing when it is ice cold and freshly cracked open. Shortly after, however, the fizz takes flight and all you are left with is a sweet and bitter syrupy aftertaste in your mouth. Millions of bottles of this stuff sell across the world every day proving one thing... We are all fucking morons. Squeeze some lemons and limes into a glass of seltzer water. That's what lemon-lime soda is supposed to taste like. Not this sticky gutrot.

But, don't listen to me. I like 7-Up.

I guess what I am trying to say is, "Obey your thirst."

Rating: 1 / 5

Gum up your digestive system by buying some of this crap at Amazon.com: Consume.
Image from Amazon.com

Apr. 20th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Cinnamon Chip Scone from Caribou Coffee
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: 2 Polish Sausages w/Fries from Jim's Original
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Rubin's Reuben from Eleven City Diner
Review: (LINK)

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Tai Pei Chicken Fried Rice With Fried Rice (14.2 oz.)

Item Purchased: Tai Pei Chicken Fried Rice With Fried Rice (14.2 oz.)
Location Purchased: 7-Eleven / 1350 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.29 + tax

Review: What is it with me and chinese takeout boxes? I can't seem to get enough of them. Unlike the noodle dish from Simply Asia that I purchased on Monday, this chicken fried rice (with fried rice) is not a piecemeal dehydrated meal. This box comes from 7-Eleven's freezer and requires 6+ minutes in a 1200 watt microwave to fully cook. I'm not sure what prompted me to look in 7-Eleven's freezer today. I usually forget that they even have a freezer. I'm not sure if that is an entirely bad thing.

First off, you don't even have to take the plastic wrap off of this box before heating it. Since all of the pre-cooked (?) ingredients are frozen into a blooming brick form, the plastic helps keep the heat and moisture inside the box so my lunch cooks thoroughly. After it is done cooking, the next step is for me to unwrap the plastic, curse the smithy-hot steam that erupts onto my fingers and face and dig in with some chopsticks.

When I began eating this box of fried rice (with fried rice), I didn't see any chicken. The remainder of the ingredients were well cooked and tasted like day-old fried rice leftovers with a bit too much soy sauce on them. The inclusion of baby corn and carrots surprised me and even though I prefer my fried rice (with fried rice) with egg, it was probably better that Tai Pei left the second poultry item out.

As I neared the bottom of my meal, I found the chicken pieces. Let me assure you that this chicken had never seen a blade of grass or a ray of sunlight in its short life. The meat (?) resembled the frothy vomit my cat used to leave in puddles on the carpet after he ate a cluster of fake flowers or baby's breath. There were no tendons, but there were bubbles inside of the meat (?) and the sight of it made me instantly lose my appetite. Tai Pei is a Canadian food company and I must say that this makes me angry at my neighbor to the north. I'm so angry I may just go home tonight and watch my VHS copy of Canadian Bacon to get even with them. All the convenience in the world isn't worth this Canasian treat with the frothy white surprise at the bottom. Stay far away from this stuff.

Let this be a lesson. Any product that has to repeatedly announce that it is what it is (the package says "Chicken Fried Rice With Fried Rice) cannot be trusted.

Rating: 0.75 / 5

Small 7-Eleven Exclusive Blend Coffee (12 oz.)

Item Purchased: Small 7-Eleven Exclusive Blend Coffee (12 oz.)
Location Purchased: 7-Eleven / 1400 N. Milwaukee Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.50 + tax

Review: When I stopped into the 7-Eleven before hopping on the bus this morning, there were three pots of various coffees sitting on burners and one pot of the Exclusive Blend brewing. You never know how long a pot of coffee has been sitting on a burner at an establishment that is open twenty-four hours a day, so I decided to wait for this one to finish its gurgling. This ensured that I had the freshest cup of coffee possible in my hands as I boarded the 56 to go to work. The coffee was so hot, I had to wait through a few bus stops before taking a sip of the earthy smelling wake up call. I was nearly at my transfer at Grand Ave. when I took the first sip of what I expected to taste like high-grade vacuum sealed coffee (not so bad for a convenience store).

Delicately, I brought the cup to my lips. I was careful not to give myself a burn on my morning-sensitive lips. Slowly, slowly, slowly I tipped the cup up until a small taste of the dark liquid splashed across my tongue. Immediately, my eyes popped open and the brain began to whir into gear, forming thoughts and sentence fragments. The first of these thought fragments was: "Why does this coffee taste like high-grade cardboard, liquefied in a juicer and mixed with small quantities of motor oil?"

I didn't even finish this sorry excuse for coffee. Folgers must have had 7-Eleven's coffee in mind when they penned their jingle. Comparatively, Folgers rings true.

Rating: 1.75 / 5

Apr. 19th - Unreviewable Purchases

Product Purchased: Coca-Cola (20 oz. plastic bottle)
Location Purchased: 7-Eleven / 1400 N. Milwaukee Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.35 + tax
Note: Purchased for Michaelia.

Apr. 19th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Drum Rolling Tobacco (40 gr.)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Chocolate Chip Cookie from Caribou Coffee
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Small Peppermint Tea from Caribou Coffee
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Planters Salted Peanuts (1.75 oz. tube)
Review: (LINK)

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Com-Lag

I'm having a bit of trouble updating the site today. Hopefully this missive goes through. Reviews will continue tomorrow. Sorry for the Consumatron inconvenience.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Simply Asia Honey Teriyaki Take Out (10.6 oz. box)

Item Purchased: Simply Asia Honey Teriyaki Take Out (10.6 oz. box)
Location Purchased: Caribou Coffee / 1328 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.19 + tax

Review: I was extremely wary of this lunchtime convenience food. Simply Asia packages their microwave noodle dishes in a container that resembles a Chinese carry out box in size and shape. Usually a cute package delivers a overly processed and dehydrated meal. Not so with these teriyaki noodles.

Preparation of this dish demands a bit more effort than most noodle dishes since there are four separate packets of varying degrees of immortal foodstuffs. One packet each for the noodles, the honey teriyaki sauce, the dehydrated vegetables and the sesame seed topping come neatly packed in the box. The noodles are surprisingly fresh and wet, the sauce is plentiful and the vegetables are more for seasoning than sustenance. In addition to the individually packaged ingredients, you also must add two tablespoons of water. How many people have a tablespoon in their desk drawer at work? Maybe Emeril has one, but I certainly do not. Unfortunately, there is no fill line on the inside of the takeout box so I winged the water level by giving the takeout box a few squirts of the water fountain. This worked just fine and after the two minutes in the nuclear food box, I had a fantastic tasting noodle meal. I like my teriyaki a little stronger and the honey could have been toned down, but I would most certainly buy this box-o-starch again.

The most baffling and amazing part about this product, however, is not the food at all, but the eating utensil that comes with it. Packaged alongside the ingredients, was also what appeared to be a mangled piece of white plastic. Upon further inspection, this mangled piece of plastic turned out to be a plastic fork that was folded over on itself. Far from being a mishap mangled factory reject, this was actually a compact plastic eating utensil designed to be folded. This wonder tool actually had a hinge and locking mechanism so all you had to do was unfold the plastic fork until it clicked into place as a fully-formed state-of-the-art utensil. Speechless, I must have folded and unfolded this molded wonder twelve or thirteen times before showing it to several of my co-workers. Even more appreciative than their "wows" was the recurring thought in my head that someone in the world holds a patent to this disposable fork design and is sitting pretty on the royalties. The folding fork is someone's pet rock.

It is discoveries like this that keep feeding my love/hate relationship with convenience foods.

The folding fork's one major flaw is that when you stir your noodles, the fork often comes unlocked and limply folds back in on itself, making it impossible to combine all of the meal's ingredients evenly. Despite all this, the folding fork is now sitting on my shelf at work, laying in wait for the next person to walk by and ask me what it is. It is things like this that spur the interesting conversations in life. Things like this are also responsible for prompting complete morons to invent something so useless and inane as the folding plastic spork.

Ben Franklin is kicking himself for not thinking of this one.

Rating: 4 / 5

Buy some Honey Teriyaki noodles from Amazon.com: Consume.
Image from Amazon.com

Small Colombia Blend Coffee from Caribou Coffee

Item Purchased: Small Colombia Blend Coffee from Caribou Coffee
Location Purchased: Caribou Coffee / 1328 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.50 + tax

Review: The Caribou Coffee Website makes a big deal about their carefully selected coffee farmers who take care in delivering old world varieties of Arabica beans. While I appreciate the effort, this blend sits precisely at average on the palette. I'm not knocking this coffee. I'm just saying that there is nothing special about this smooth brew that tastes like coffee, looks like coffee and acts like coffee. That is where the virtue of this cup of stimulant lies. How many coffee shops can you name where you get a simple and strong cup of coffee? This blend's strength is its banality, its conventionality...Its simple essence of coffee.

Rating: 3.75 / 5

Apr. 17th - Unreviewable Purchases

Item Purchased: Frito-Lay Ruffles Potato Chips (Original - 12 oz.)
Location Purchased: 7-Eleven / 1350 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.19 + tax
Note: Purchased for my co-worker Larry.

Apr. 17th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Blueberry Muffin from Caribou Coffee
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Planters Salted Peanuts (1.75 oz. tube)
Review: (LINK)

Sunday, April 16, 2006

San Pellegrino Aranciata (11.15 fl. oz. Can)

Item Purchased: San Pellegrino Aranciata (11.15 fl. oz. Can)
Location Purchased: Sultan's Market / 2057 W. North Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.49 + tax

Review: I don't speak Italian, but I'm guessing that Aranciata means "orange soda" in Italy and restaurants on Chicago's Taylor St. I'm glad I guessed correctly because, though I don't drink pop too often, I do enjoy an occasional citrus one. This orange soda is made by none other than the fine folks at Sparkling water central, San Pellegrino. You know 'em by the green bottle that isn't Perrier. This aranciata was the perfect beverage to wash away the spicy falafel breath I had after stopping at Sultan's Market. It isn't as syrup-filled as most other orange sodas I have tried and is refreshing like a fruit juice. Since it is imported from Italy, it probably even contains fruit juice instead of laboratory flavoring like the orange McDonalds sludge I grew up on. $1.49 for an 11.5 oz. can seems like theme park pricing, but the quality of this soda is worth it. I'd hate to ever find Aranciata at a theme park. They would probably charge $5.00 per can. Epcot could pull it off. They could just have a guy dressed up like Super Mario selling cans of this stuff along with a plate of spaghettio's outside of the Italian exhibit for $10.00. Don't forget who gave you the idea when you do this, Disney! As for me, I will buy mine from Sultan's Market or Trader Joe's. Maybe I will play Super Mario Bros. Maybe I won't.

Rating: 4.25 / 5

Apr. 16th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: 1 Double Load Laundry Wash Cycle
Price: $2.50
Review: (LINK)
Note: Clean Clothes! Happy Easter!

Item Purchased: 1 Laundry Dryer Cycle
Price: $1.50

Item Purchased: Falafel Sandwich from Sultan's Market
Review: (LINK)

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Computer Access at Kinko's (Or The Dangers Of Consumerism)

Item Purchased: Computer Access at Kinko's (Or The Dangers Of Consumerism)
Location Purchased: Kinko's / 700 S. Wabash / Chicago, IL
Price: $4.25 + tax

Review: After sniffling and snotting through my breakfast at Eleven City Diner, I walked north on Wabash Avenue to Balbo Drive to make some print-outs at Kinkos for a project I have been working on. I will say briefly that the employees at Kinkos may seem to be too preoccupied with their personal chat and activity to help you out at first, but once you get their attention, these people are fantastic. They are patient, knowledgeable and helpful. For instance, when I was trying to retrieve a receipt for my computer access time, the machine I inserted my credit card into seemed to want to keep my card. As I suffered through a sinus headache caused by my hayfever, wanting nothing more than to go back home and go to bed, I calmly alerted the counterpeople of my debacle. They sprung into action with keys and screwdriver in hand and dissected the ravenous machine to return my now mangled credit card. I didn't get my receipt after all, but I didn't really care.

After literally mangling my line of credit, I continued north on Wabash Ave. to deliver my printouts to my employer for the final go-ahead. As I approached the parking lot between Congress Parkway and Harrison Street, a sunglass-wearing waste of carbon, driving a silver Mercedes (I think... I've never been very astute when it comes to automobiles) accelerated from the east parking lot across Wabash, into the west parking lot and, in the process of rushing to stand still, sped in front of me at a distance of less than five inches and ran over the front of my left foot with his car. Luckily, the tires of his gas guzzling status symbol only nicked the front of my shoe and didn't crush my fragile carbon-based toes (which, by the way, are worth infinitely more than the driver's entire person).

"What the FUCK!" I screamed justifiably.

"Too Bad!" The sphincter with a license responded.

Too bad? Too bad!?

If I had been in better health or a more alert state of mind, I would have written down his license plate number, taken a picture of the sorry excuse for a man with my camera phone or demanded an apology. In minor shock and a major drowsy haze, all I could do was curse a bit more, stare in disbelief and continue on my way in hopes of soon ending this day by collapsing into my pillow to sleep off my hayfever.

I don't have a grudge against drivers in general, but I do have a major grudge against people who sit behind hundreds of horsepower that is triggered by a slight tilt of the ankle who can't wait the thirteen seconds it would have taken me to walk by the driveway of the parking lot. If you are spending that much money for a car like a Mercedes just so you can shave thirteen seconds off of your commute, I feel sorry for you. Whatever you feel you need to compensate for, dear driving dickhead, I fear that no amount of money or horsepower will grant you the release you need. My advice; try mind-numbing medication and muscle relaxants. One will have an effect on you, the other may not.

Sorry for the rant, but that's why people have blogs, right? To sum up, patronize Kinkos on Wabash and Balbo, not pedestrians!

Rating: 4.5 / 5

Three Eggs (Scrambled) from Eleven City Diner

Item Purchased: Three Eggs (Scrambled) from Eleven City Diner
Location Purchased: Eleven City Diner / 1112 S. Wabash / Chicago, IL
Price: $4.95 + tax

Review: This is quite possibly the best value that Eleven has to offer. For only five dollars, you get three large eggs (any style), a huge helping of house potatoes and two large slices of toast. Add a cup of coffee to this and you have a full breakfast for under seven dollars. The price for a dish like this is comparable to most other diners in the city, but most other diners don't supply you with this much food. This is a great choice for a quick, inexpensive breakfast on your way to work.

Note (05/06/06): It's a steep increase to add meat to this simple breakfast dish, but in the end, the resulting price is still comparable to most other diners of Eleven's calibre. The bacon is served crispy, just the way I like it. I also noticed that Eleven has changed its potatoes once again. I have heard people gripe about each potato incarnation at Eleven, but I have enjoyed each variety. Instead of small crispy potato hunks, Eleven has switched, now, to thinly sliced and fried potatoes resembling a home-style hash brown dish. If I had to choose a favorite, I would choose the first incarnation of the potatoes. The latest variety of spuds, however, would be a whole lot better if it weren't so salty. It almost tastes as if these potatoes were prepared with chicken broth. I say that because the flavor reminds me of the chicken broth mashed potatoes my mother used to make.

Rating: 4 / 5

Mighty Leaf Organic Mint Malange Tea (1 bag)

Item Purchased: Mighty Leaf Organic Mint Malange Tea (1 bag)
Location Purchased: Eleven City Diner / 1112 S. Wabash / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.50 + tax

Review: The tree pollen must be high in Chicago today because I can't breathe to blow my nose! Now I've tried every super-capsule OTC voodoo medication the world of modern medicine has to offer in attempts to relieve my hayfever but nothing seems to work for very long. The medications that do work simply knock me out with their drowsy effects and the rule of prevention (staying indoors in an air-conditioned environment) is so life-numbing that I'd rather suffer a little and use the everyday things that provide me with temporary relief. The two sure things that I have found to clear me up for an hour or so are peppermint tea and cold foods such as ice cream. Though caffeine seems to do the trick, its effects are shorter lived than a politician's promise, so I decided to forego my cup of coffee this morning for a cup of mint tea.

I think $2.50 is a bit expensive for a cup of tea. I realize that Mighty Leaf tea isn't your typical Liptons standard tea, but considering the average consumer can purchase one teabag on their own for ~$0.60, I just bought a cup of tea at a 400% markup. We all know that coffee and tea is to restaurants what popcorn is to movie theaters, so I won't dwell on this, but I do think about it often.

What you get at Eleven is a small pot of hot water, the tea bag and a lemon wedge. Great! I wouldn't expect or want anything more with my tea. The tea, itself, is a strong peppermint tea with hints of citrus and other fruit flavors within. Everything was in place to cause me to praise this cup of tea. The two things preventing me from this praise are my over-active analysis of tea profiteering and the fact that the pollen conditions seemed to be so horrible today that this cup of tea didn't even give me a minutes respite from my congested head and runny nose.


Rating: 3.25 / 5

Friday, April 14, 2006

Vanilla Malt from Eleven City Diner

Item Purchased: Vanilla Malt from Eleven City Diner
Location Purchased: Eleven City Diner / 1112 S. Wabash / Chicago, IL
Price: $4.25 + tax

Review: With only twenty some minutes left in my weekly Buy Nothing Day, I buckled and I am sorry. Most of you probably don't think it is a big deal to go out and meet some friends for a malt at eleven o'clock at night and break my blogger's promise. I genuinely hate saying I am going to do something (or not do something in this case) and failing to follow through. It happens, but I can't help but feel guilty. As Buckminster Fuller once said, "only integrity is going to count."

One thing that doesn't lack integrity is Eleven City Diner's vanilla malt. Made with real ice cream (unlike many diners in Chicago that use soft serve) and carefully tended to by Eleven's in-house soda jerk, this just may be one of the most complete and reliable malts in Chicago. Not only is the whipped and iced cream plentiful, the malt powder perfectly proportioned and the accompanying wafer cookie pretty, but in addition to the towering glass milkshake chalice it comes served in, you are also given the remainder of your malt inside of the metal martini shaker that every soda fountain uses to blend ice cream in. My hayfever was bothering me and cold things tend to temporarily relieve my symptoms, so I finished my primary and auxiliary malt in record time. Good experience, bad move.

Eleven's malt is one of the best malts I've experienced in Chicago. I say "experienced" because of the entire process that takes place just behind the counter. If you sit up close, you will even get to watch the new-timey hipster kids who work at Eleven, fiddling and fumbling with the old-timey soda fountain equipment. If that isn't enough to make you smile, the taste of the resulting malt will be.

Rating: 4.5 / 5

Weekly Buy Nothing Day! - Apr. 14th

People seem to think that just because you are busy, you will have to resort to making the quick purchases here and there throughout the day. I'm proof that this isn't so. I've been up since 8:00 AM painting walls, had some coffee that we made from the beans we had around the apartment, ate a full lunch (courtesy of my roommate boss), had some more coffee and am now preparing to go to my second job. I will walk the mile to work instead of taking the bus, making sure I grab something from my fridge before I leave in case I get hungry later in the day. After work, I will show self-restraint if my co-workers want to go and get a drink.

If I happen to get the urge to acquire a new book, DVD or other piece of entertainment, I will simply browse the new barter website, SwapSimple.com. There have been other websites of this kind, but never one so well thought out. You list your items, you get credits and you choose what you want. There is a small transaction fee, but if you list enough of your own media, this fee is waived. Check them out. (via Gapers Block)

Even though it isn't Conservative Shopping Day, I am going to have my own conservative (adjective definition 3 or 7) shopping day...By not shopping at all.

For those of you who aren't as conservative as I am, Woot.com is still in the tireless midst of a Woot-Off!

See you all tomorrow.

From the Trackless Train Day department:

The very American Mac Johnson, over at Human Events Online, is attempting to turn the tables on the proposed May Day immigrant shopping and work boycott by urging "every actual American" to "spend in freedom and order in a mall or Wal-Mart" (order in a Wal-Mart?) on what he is dubbing Conservative Shopping Day. He hopes this will "turn the day without illegal aliens into an everyday thing." I couldn't agree more with this genuine mule. In fact...why don't we let all of the illegal immigrants take everything they have contributed to this country with them. Chinese people can take railroads and highways, South Americans can take all of the clothing and electronics they've helped manufacture. Gosh this sure is gonna be fun, me and Mac at the Wal-Mart, trying to find someone who has worked less than sixty hours this week who will be able to direct us to the American-made section of the store. Or maybe it will be easy to find, since all of the Chinese people will have loaded most of the items into thousands of train cars to return them to their rightful creators. Man, this country is gonna be so much fun with rich white guys and dirty-dish landfills as far as the eye can see. (Human Events Online)

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Progresso Italian-Style Wedding Soup With Meatballs (15.25 oz.)

Item Purchased: Progresso Italian-Style Wedding Soup With Meatballs (15.25 oz.)
Location Purchased: 7-Eleven / 1350 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.69 + tax

Review: I've never been to an Italian-Style wedding. Nor have I ever eaten soup at a wedding. Despite these two facts, the folks at Progresso make a soup that describes itself as appropriate for both. I describe it as Chef Boyardee meal in chicken broth.

Progresso was once a family owned Italian food company, but was swallowed up by General Mills and one of several of their other brands, Betty Crocker in the 1970s. Since I grew up in the 1980s, I can't compare the family-owned taste to the current assembly line taste. Hell, assembly-line taste is virtually all I know when it comes to branded food in cans or microwave containers. All I can say for sure is that the meatballs in this soup taste exactly like the meat in every canned pasta product I have ever had. From SpaghettiO's to Chef Boyardee Ravioli, Progresso's soup meatballs smack of the same pressed cow and cardboard parts I have grown to love tolerate be familiar with. The tiny tubetti pasta, spinach bits and sponge-like carrot cubes floating in the factory chicken broth add a bulky and somewhat pleasant texture to this small mass of lunch.

As far as convenience foods go, this stuff isn't all that bad. For only $2.69 and a couple of minutes in the microwave, I was able to fill myself with the great great great great grandchild of home-cooked food. The best part is, I only felt a miniature buzz from all of the nitrates floating around in my bloodstream afterwards.

The major complaint I have is how hard it is to get the plastic cover off of the microwave soup bowl size containers. It seems that several other people are having the same problem as well. Progresso even addresses this on their website with a handy step-by-step illustration on how to take the cover off. I wonder if anyone actually references their website before they just pry up the cover with a stray letter opener like I did?

I still can't get that canned beef flavor out of my mouth. No matter how hard I brush or how much coffee or tea I swish around my gums, I have visions of after-school cartoons dancing through my head and sauce-stained T-shirts in the hamper.

Rating: 3 / 5

Buy a can of Progresso Italian-Style Wedding Soup from Amazon.com: Consume!
Image from Amazon.com (I didn't get a can... I got the new Progresso Microwave soup bowl)

From the Itchy F5 Finger department:

Holy smokes! It's a Woot-Off!!! (Woot.com)

Apr. 13th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Bacon, Egg & Cheese Breakfast Sandwich on Poppy-Seed Bagel from Dunkin' Donuts
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Medium Dunkin' Donuts Coffee (Cream & Sugar)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Small Peppermint Tea from Caribou Coffee
Review: (LINK)
Note: Purchased for the irreverent lawdwarren.

Item Purchased: Chocolate Chip Cookie from Caribou Coffee
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Rubin's Reuben from Eleven City Diner
Review: (LINK)
Note: Fries were crispier this time and it came with a side of cole slaw (which I wish were bigger despite the full feeling I had after eating this massive sandwich). I enjoy being able to watch the evolution of this new restaurant. Looks like its footing is sticking more and more each day.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Small Peppermint Tea from Caribou Coffee

Item Purchased: Small Peppermint Tea from Caribou Coffee
Location Purchased: Caribou Coffee / 1328 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.30 + tax

Review: The weather is warming up and the sun is staying out, so that means its time for me to try and shape up a bit for the summer. As a part of my feel-good plan, I've begun smoking less and cutting down on caffeine. I don't think life adheres to strict rules, so I am not going to say I'm limiting myself, but I've managed to drink only two cups of coffee (down from over a pot) and smoke only five cigarettes (down from over half a pack) a day for the past few days. I do love my hot drinks though. That is why I decided to get a peppermint tea today.

Peppermint tea is simply an infusement of hot water and peppermint leaves, so there is no actual tea in most peppermint teas and, therefore, no caffeine. I find that drinking peppermint tea through the spring and autumn months help with my lingering hayfever as well, since peppermint is known to be a mild muscle relaxant. I'm also sure that my breath smells better after drinking a cup of peppermint tea than it does after I down a cup of heavily creamed and sugared coffee.

Caribou Coffee uses loose leaf teas, but I'm not sure that really matters as much with peppermint tea. The taste of the resulting liquid is strong and refreshing, leaving no need for cream or sugar. Just pure and natural, uncaffeinated minty flavor.

I'm a firm believer that a man without vices is a man you can't trust, so don't go thinking I've given up mine. Periods of moderation help a person to savor their experiences that are normally taken for granted. Savor your vices. Everything in moderation, even moderation.

Rating: 4 / 5

Apr. 12th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Small Coffee from Half & Half
Review: (LINK)
Note: The service was attentive and prompt this time. I knew it was just a bad day those girls were having last time I was there...Or was it me having the bad day?

Item Purchased: Planters Seasonuts Heat Peanuts (small tube)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Nabisco Ritz Crackers (4 oz. box)
Review: (LINK)

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Sixteen oz. Raspberry Rainbow All Fruit Smoothie

Item Purchased: Sixteen oz. Raspberry Rainbow All Fruit Smoothie
Location Purchased: Jamba Juice / 1322 South Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.45 + tax

Review: It is rare that I pay $3.45 for sixteen ounces of anything, but come spring, with its sun and warmth, and Jamba Juice becomes my weakness. I have half a mind to buy a blender for work and make my own smoothies for far less than Jamba charges. It is just so damn hard to deny the convenience of a smoothie shop one block away from the office.

This spring, Jamba Juice has introduced (damn, write that one down for your next freestyle competition) a line of all-fruit smoothies. This means, no more fattening fermented milk (yogurt) in your cup. There is only a medley of fruit and ice (hey, that's not fruit!). Having once been a complete health nut (who smokes), I thought I'd give one of these new concoctions a try.

I regularly choose raspberries when I make or order smoothies. I like the tartness they offer and the fact that they dupe everyone by not being berries at all (they are actually numerous drupelets growing around a central core...don't say I never taught you anything). Included in my drink were also bananas (which are technically epigynous berries), strawberries (actually a vegetable...only the seeds are fruits) and orange juice (I have nothing interesting to say about orange juice). The dense mixture comes out as a light and bright maroon-colored ice mush that tastes more of raspberry and orange than of banana or strawberry. Along with my free protein boost, this smoothie was a great alternative for lunch.

The Raspberry Rainbow loses a couple of points for being priced as if it were a Starbucks drink, but the taste and quality of Jamba's products are fantastic. I'm sure you will see more reviews for Jamba Juice in the coming months. Spring is finally here and when I get my bike fixed, I will need to stay hydrated and energized.

Rating: 3.5 / 5

Apr. 11th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: 2 Mini French Bread Loaves
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Rosenborg Mellow Blue Danish Cheese (4.4 oz.)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Planters Smoked Almonds (1.5 oz tube)
Review: (LINK)

Monday, April 10, 2006

From the Suffer-age to Suffrage? department:

Saudi Arabia has decided to "phase out" salesmen from women's lingerie shops to give women employment opportunities. I wonder if there are any other reasons... Wait.... Saudi Arabia has women's lingerie shops?! (Arab News)

Apr. 10th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Pepperoni, Sopressata Salami & Mozzarella Cheese Sandwich on Ciabatta Bread from 7-Eleven
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Planters Smoked Almonds (1.5 oz tube)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: 7-Eleven English Muffin w/Sausage, Egg & Cheese Breakfast Sandwich
Review: (LINK)

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Medium Piece White Pizza w/Tomato and Basil

Item Purchased: Medium Piece White Pizza w/Tomato and Basil
Location Purchased: Piece / 1927 W. North Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $17.50 + tax (purchased with friends)

Review: Piece offers pizza in three different styles: Red, plain or white. The white pizza is a plain crust brushed with olive oil, diced garlic and mozerella cheese. Each additional topping costs you an extra $1.75. Each additional premium topping costs you an extra $2.00. Who knew that tomatoes and basil were premium toppings. These rules and designations brought our humble pizza outing to what I like to call too much for too little. Though the New Haven style pizza that Piece cooks up is tasty, it's overpriced. Between the three of us in my party, we were able to finish a medium with room to spare. I don't know about you, but in my book, a pizza that costs nearly $20 is supposed to not only taste good, but also fill up a party of three.

I live in a city that takes pride in its pizza and fills up even the hungriest person when delivered Chicago-style. Perhaps more Wicker Park locations should stop trying to extract the most money from its residents and take more pride in its pie as well. Last time I checked, Wicker Park was still inside of the Chicago city limits despite how hip it likes to think it is.

Rating: 2.75 / 5

Piece Golden Arm Draft Beer (1 pt.)

Item Purchased: Piece Golden Arm Draft Beer (1 pt.)
Location Purchased: Piece / 1927 W. North Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $4.50 + tax

Review: I'm not sure what inspired Cheap Trick songwriter and guitarist Rick Nielsen to open a pizza pub in an old roofing company garage, but that is exactly what happened and Piece has become one of the hipper microbreweries in Chicago. I'm not a fan of the establishment's dark sports bar atmosphere (there are ten 42" plasma TVs installed above the bar, all screening the latest game or fishing show), but I am a fan of some of their beers.

The Golden Arm ale that Piece highlights most of the time is a light gold colored German ale that has a very slight bitter taste and refreshing finish. Piece brews all of their beer on site so they are always fresh. You also have the opportunity to buy a "Growler," or two-gallon-jug, of any of the beers on tap to take home with you. If you bring the Growler back, refills are $12. If I lived closer to this place, I would probably enact the reverse milkman sketch with their beers. Though a superior brewery to Goose Island overall, I don't make it into Piece too often because I like to avoid screaming sports fans most of the time. Even if you are like me you should still stop into Piece to try some of their great beers. I advise you show up in the afternoon on a bright summer's day, when the skylights help the atmosphere change into a pleasantly lit streetside bar with an open front and plenty of people-watching opportunities.

Rating: 4 / 5

Lentil Soup from Sultan's Market (Cup)

Item Purchased: Lentil Soup from Sultan's Market (Cup)
Location Purchased: Sultan's Market / 2057 W. North Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.00 + tax

Review: Another filling five dollar meal from Sultan's Market. This time, instead of a side of rice to accompany my spicy falafel sandwich, I opted for the yellow lentil soup. Lentil soup is one of my favorite soups because of its typically thick and beany. Often it reminds me of a brothy chili. Sultan's Market's lentil soup is slightly spiced and tasty, but a bit too watery for my taste. Still, it is worth every cent and extremely filling, like every other dish at this most affordable of Mediterranean lunch spots.

Rating: 3.25 / 5

Eleven City French Toast

Item Purchased: Eleven City French Toast
Location Purchased: Eleven City Diner / 1112 S. Wabash / Chicago, IL
Price: $7.95 + tax

Review: Though it grieves me to do so, dear reader, I must give my first low rating to a dish from the new Eleven City Diner. Those who have been reading for the last week or so know that I am smitten with this new restaurant. Everything I have tried at this neighborhood joint has pleased me to no end. The Eleven City French Toast is no exception when taken on purely objective judgement, but when compared to the standard Challah Bread French Toast, it just doesn't live up to the $2.45 extra you have to pay. What the menu promises is an order of challah French toast topped with strawberries and bananas. What I got was a slightly larger order of the toast (four slices instead of three) and two small sliced strawberries on the side of the plate. No bananas. No wow. No $2.45 worth of additional breakfast fare. I could have bought two cartons of strawberries for far less than two dollars and brought a few berries with me. Chances are, anyone who orders this meal won't notice the absence of fruit due to how fantastic the challah bread tastes, but if that is all you are after, I strongly urge you to order the standard French toast dish. I am hoping that this fruitless mishap is just one of the kinks that Eleven is busy working out through their opening months.

Rating: 2 / 5 3.5 / 5

Note (11/07/2006): Price went up on this item, but so did the quality. Now with more fruit (banana, strawberry & coconut).

Apr. 9th - Unreviewable Purchases

Item Purchased: Piece Hefewiess (that's how they spell it)
Location Purchased: Piece / 1927 W. North Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $5.50 + tax
Note: Purchased for Michaelia.

Apr. 9th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Cup of Coffee from Eleven City Diner
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Camel Turkish Royal Cigarettes (Hardpack)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Falafel Sandwich from Sultan's Market
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: 2 Laundry Wash Cycles
Price: $3.50
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: 2 Laundry Dryer Cycles
Price: $3.00
Review: (LINK)

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Weekly Buy Nothing Day! - Apr. 8th

In addition to working two jobs, I also pick up freelance projects here and there when I can. I have two of these jobs pending, an upcoming move to think about and a Mt. Fuji-sized pile of dishes to wash in my sink. Needless to say, stress is mounting.

A lot of people use a shopping spree to relieve the stress that life can mount on, but I usually find that impulsively buying things I don't really need or even want just adds more stress in the future (like on moving day). As much as I really want to head over to the WLUW record fair today, I've decided to take a breather and organize many things I am lucky to already have in my life today.

Instead of buying something, I am buying nothing today and am going to concentrate on catching up with some news, cleaning up and just plain relaxing.

As well as organizing, I'll be listening. If you want to hear some good commentary on organizing and life in general, may I suggest these podcasts:

43 Folders - Short and simple ruminations on organizing and making sense of the clutter that is life.
Penn Jillette - Honest, no-holds-barred commentary on everything from atheism to juggling from the talking half of my favorite magician team.

See you all tomorrow. Hope you all have a good day.

Friday, April 07, 2006

Apr. 7th - Unreviewable Purchases

Item Purchased: 2 Orange Juices from Eleven City Diner
Location Purchased: Eleven City Diner / 1112 S. Wabash / Chicago, IL
Price: $4.00 + tax ($2.00 / ea.)
Note:
Purchased for my friends Brad and Sara.

Item Purchased: Spinach and Feta Omelette from Eleven City Diner
Location Purchased: Eleven City Diner / 1112 S. Wabash / Chicago, IL
Price: $7.95 + tax
Note:
Purchased for my friend Sara.

Item Purchased: Challah Bread French Toast from Eleven City Diner
Location Purchased: Eleven City Diner / 1112 S. Wabash / Chicago, IL
Price: $5.50 + tax
Note:
Purchased for my friend Brad.

Apr. 7th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Camel Turkish Royal Cigarettes (Hardpack)
Review: (LINK)

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Rubin's Reuben from Eleven City Diner

Item Purchased: Rubin's Reuben from Eleven City Diner
Location Purchased: Eleven City Diner / 1112 S. Wabash / Chicago, IL
Price: $8.95 + tax

Review: In the sandwich world, having bread on top of the meat is akin to the glass ceiling at your crappy job. That's why open face, when available, is the way to go. At Eleven, open face is the only option on this corned beef sandwich named after the owner himself. When you order a Reuben from Rubin, there is no place to go but up.

Up it does go. So far up it goes that I couldn't even see the two thick slices of dark rye struggling to hold everything up. All I could see were globs of melted Swiss, chunks of sauerkraut and hand-sliced strips of tender corned beef.

Did I mention the corned beef was hand-sliced? If bread atop a sandwich is a glass ceiling, then an automatic meat slicer is an inter-office memo you've just found in your in-box for the fifth time in one day. I don't think Eleven has an automatic meat slicer. (They do have a meat slicer... my mistake... Plenty of meat is still handsliced, but with the crowds this place sees, there is no way they can keep up completely with the demand). What they have are diligent delicatessen professionals in the kitchen, sharpening their knives, laying in wait for someone like me to order a reuben. After shoveling my way through the Vesuvius of salted deli meat and golden ratio of thousand island dressing, I eventually reached the dark rye bottom. Oh dark rye! How I love thee. Why do so many others forsake you in favor of your lighter brother? At this point, my stomach was about to burst from its intake, but my tongue had detached itself from the rest of my bodily functions and demanded more flavor be placed upon it. I had no choice but to concede.

Served with a crisp pickle spear, this sandwich is more than enough for one and could be a small meal for two. One thing that Eleven doesn't do is skimp. The side of fries that come with are nothing to write home about, but sides are nothing more than an afterthought when you have a sandwich this good in front of you.

Breakfast and dinner at the same diner in one day? If Eleven City Diner ever goes public, I better have first dibs at the customer stock options. If you think my recurring visits to this great new restaurant are bizarre, just remember that the owner, who was there when I ate breakfast in the morning, was still pacing the floor, making sure everything was running smoothly. It is obvious that Brad Rubin has made the Eleven City Diner his life and is trying equally hard to make it a part of yours.

Note (04/13/06): Fries were crispier this time and it came with a side of cole slaw (which I wish were bigger despite the full feeling I had after eating this massive sandwich). I enjoy being able to watch the evolution of this new restaurant. Looks like its footing is sticking more and more each day.

Rating: 4.25 / 5

Polish Sausage w/Fries from Jim's Original

Item Purchased: Polish Sausage w/Fries from Jim's Original
Location Purchased: Jim's Original / 1250 S. Union St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.60 w/tax

Review: It is with a gas-filled intestine and a bowed head that I am humbly asking for your forgiveness. You see, on my weaker days, I used to give into the pied-pipery, fried-entrail scent that wafts across the dusty construction site from the white building known as Maxwell Street Grill to the bookstore where I work. I previously wrote here of the virtues of grey sausage and what were (at the time) a slightly superior French fry. That review was written in times long gone. Times when Jim's Original and its questionable competitor received shipments from the same trucks in the early morning. I had written off Jim's original completely in favor of microscopically crispier fries. I am here to say that I made a mistake and I ask for your understanding.

What I failed to notice is that some time within the last six months, Jim's Original has changed their formula. Both places may have a new building and a new location, but only Jim's Original has upped the ante! No longer does the drab, square and white building of Maxwell Street Grill deserve my arterial cries of pain. I reserve that masochistic pleasure, now, for Jim's.

You see, Jim's Original has begun cooking polish sausages that are more of a pink color than grey. Have you ever seen a grey pig? Or even a grey cow? Brown, sure. But grey? Rarely! When you do, that cow is usually blindfolded with its hooves behind its back and tied to a pole, awaiting the loving and firm death blow of the farmer so that more black market handbags can be made from its hide. Pork is usually grey, but we all know that sausages aren't make from the prime cuts of a pig (for those of you who don't know what they are made of, it rhymes with "ships and grassmoles"). Jim's polish sausage obviously comes from the poetic parts of only the healthiest sows.

The reason...The absolute essential reason to answer the happy yellow call of Jim's, however is the change they have made to their fries. Long gone are the soggy potato strips with the consistency of that sweaty kid you used to pick last in Phys-Ed class (that was me when I was in high school). Now, not only are the fries crispy, but they are also battered better than a Maxwell Street pickpocket. Every last fry is crunchy and flavorful, prepared with corn and flour love by the guy who screams at you from the street side window.

Once again, please forgive me my past transgressions. The original Maxwell street Grill review has been updated for those of you who have found my site through Google searches for polish sausage.

You'd be surprised how many people stumble across Consumatron that way!

Update (08/31/06): I've attached a picture of the Polish sausage. I ate the fries on my walk back to the office. Next time I will refrain myself so I can take a picture for you.

Rating: 4.25 / 5

Cup of Coffee from Eleven City Diner

Item Purchased: Cup of Coffee from Eleven City Diner
Location Purchased: Eleven City Diner / 1112 S. Wabash / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.70 2.25 $2.50 + tax

Review: Finally! A Chicago diner that uses Intelligentsia Coffee to keep the local businesses in... well... business and does everything right to meet my coffee standards. The Intelligentsia blend is not only a lighter roast, but Eleven City manages to keep their coffee hot instead of warm. Have you ever noticed how the waitresses at your local greasy spoon work up a sweat just by refilling your cup of coffee continuously? That's because their coffee burners are old and the circuits are fried and if the waitress didn't continuously freshen you up, your coffee would be as good as iced.

Not so at Eleven.

When I got my coffee this morning, I worked out my sugar/cream ratio, filliped the remaining sugar from the counter to the floor and took a sip. I then had enough time to finish reading the New York Times cover story about the transitional fish fossil found by scientists (as a result, I think everyone in the world stopped believing in god, by the way), flip to Gene Pitney's obituary, read half of that article, talk with the waitress who used to stop into my restaurant and finish reading the obit before taking another sip. Guess what? The coffee was hot! Not warm. Hot!

Light roast Intelligentsia at greater than room temperature? Jesus (who evolved from a fish, obviously)! Eleven City Diner needs to trip up soon or I'll still have to believe in creationism and contend that the limb-stump fish was all part of Xenu's plan. As far as breakfast joints go, so far this one is heaven-sent.

Rating: 4.25 / 5

Note (05/03/06): Price was raised to $2.25.

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Challah Bread French Toast from Eleven City Diner

Item Purchased: Challah Bread French Toast from Eleven City Diner
Location Purchased: Eleven City Diner / 1112 S. Wabash / Chicago, IL
Price: $5.50 + tax

Review: Though the counter is a bit small for a man of my height (6'4"), I rather like the feeling of coming into this place in the morning, bellying up to the bar and eating breakfast over the morning paper. It was only my second time in the fantastic new Eleven City Diner and one of the waitresses already greeted me with a playful, "hey there, regular!"

I didn't have much time for a proper breakfast like the Tom Waits, but I needed something filling and sweet if I was going to be worth a nickel at work today. Being the New York Jewish inspired deli that Eleven is, they (naturally) have challah bread. Being owned by the energetic Brad Rubin, Elevin City takes it one step further and turns the challah bread into French bread. I think that makes this breakfast a Jewish-French cuisine.

Regardless of what region or people wish to lay claim to its origins, the Challah Bread French Toast is worth every penny. You get three slices of nearly two-inch thick bread, a light dusting of powdered sugar and a generous cup of maple syrup. Other toppings are available for a price, but I like to break things down to the fundamentals first, then build from there when trying new things. The fundamental truth of this breakfast is that you will leave sated, with a sweet and sticky taste in your mouth that will have you licking your lips all the way to work and stopping in for more when you pass again.

Again, the staff at the Eleven City diner was attentive and friendly. Even to each other, the waiters are more polite than I am used to in a restaurant. Part of this is the general newness of everything and everybody, but I have a feeling that the other factor is that the manic owner, Brad Rubin, has a way with people. Within a span of three minutes, I witnessed him take on varied demeanors ranging from receptive to the utmost limits of "do-as-I-say-now." The entire spectrum has its place, and it seems Brad knows how to balance it and earn the respect of customers and employees both. Anyone who has worked in the restaurant business knows that this is an important quality, rarely found in owners.

Rating: 4 / 5

Apr. 6th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Small Perennial Blend Coffee from Caribou Coffee
Review: (LINK)

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Tom Waits 2 A.M. Breakfast 1987 from Eleven City Diner

Item Purchased: Tom Waits 2 A.M. Breakfast 1987 from Eleven City Diner
Location Purchased: Eleven City Diner / 1112 S. Wabash / Chicago, IL
Price: $8.95 + tax

Review: My first impression upon receiving the three gigantic plates this breakfast is served on was to wonder when Tom Waits was ever fat. If this is what the gravel-voiced songster ate at 2 A.M. every morning in 1987, it is a wonder he is still alive at all, let alone still able to stand on two legs. This is a lot of food! Two eggs (any style), two plate-sized pancakes, two strips of bacon, two sausage links, two slices of toast and a healthy helping of some of the best breakfast potatoes (crisp on the outside, mashed-potato soft on the inside) I've had in a Chicago diner are what make up this moderately high-priced breakfast dish. The bad news is, you probably won't finish this thing. The good news is, this is the highest priced breakfast dish I saw on the menu at the new Eleven City Diner. (Unless you consider lox a breakfast dish...I don't even consider lox food)

My only complaint with the Tom Waits plate is that the amount of eggs you get seems to be so miniscule compared to the rest of the dish. This is probably because Eleven City uses real eggs instead of a pre-mixed vat of egg liquid and milk like several other diners in this city seem to use.

For those of you who live in Chicago or read the Chicagoist web site, you have probably already heard about the Eleven City. You've read others' wavering reviews, now read my (slightly) more stable one.

What the Eleven City aims to be and ends up becoming are more synonymous than those other reviewers would have you believe. With a classic diner look, minimalist decor, full-service bar (coming soon), full-service deli counter, candy counter and jazz music getting your toes tapping even before your first sip of coffee, this newest of South Loop restaurants offers more options and hours than a hooker in one of Waits' rambling songs. To be able to pull this many ambitions together into one place and make it all work as seamless as the Eleven City is an amazing feat. Located just north of the Roosevelt Red, Green and Orange line train stop on Wabash, this diner is as easy to get to as it is interesting to observe. The menu is a step and a half above typical greasy spoon fare at a price that is moderate in general and low for the South Loop area of Chicago.

Despite the obvious head-nod to classic diners of the 1950s, Eleven City doesn't feel like a diner straight out of the era. Due to the cast and crew on the floor as well as the obvious realization of its influences, the diner is a place you want visit on a regular basis and not just some cute kitschy spectacle. There are no pretensions among the people who greet and get you to eat, so even though the atmosphere seems a bit like a caricature, the staff's friendly and attentive demeanor let you relax and start your day off gimmick-free. What you get at the Eleven City is conversation when you want it, peace and quiet when you need it and a great price for generous portions of carefully prepared food.

As a current resident of the South Loop area of Chicago, I plan on making the best of this nearby spot often...At least for the next month before I move, that is.

If you find yourself near the Roosevelt stop on the CTA, be sure to check this spot out for yourself. If you order the Tom Waits plate, be sure to peek behind the computerized register at the bar. Hiding behind it, in appropriate fashion, is a portrait of Tom Waits himself. I assume the owner of Eleven City has plans to hang this photo on the wall somewhere, but I think it fits perfectly where it was this morning, propped up and slightly hidden just the way I imagine Waits himself to have been situated when he stumbled into a restaurant at 2 A.M. in 1987.

Rating: 4.5 / 5

From the S*****cks department:

The company I love to hate, Starbucks, is threatening a coffee shop in Tulsa, OK with letters from their lawyers informing the owner of the DoubleShot Coffee company that he was infringing on a trademark because Starbucks has been using the term "Doubleshot" since 2001. The Starbucks lawyers advised DoubleShot's owner to "cease using the DoubleShot Coffee Company name, to shut down my website, www.DoubleShotCoffee.com, and to destroy everything I have which bears the 'DoubleShot' name." You can read the letter yourself if you travel to Tulsa, OK. It hangs directly above DoubleShot's trash can.

I urge you, fellow coffee lovers, to write Starbucks an e-mail telling them how foolish they are being. More importantly, I urge you all to buy your next paint can of coffee from DoubleShot Coffee Company in Tulsa.


(Whiskey Wednesday via Starbucks Gossip - DoubleShot Coffee - Contact Starbucks)

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Bananas from Jewel (bunch of 5)

Item Purchased: Bananas from Jewel (bunch of 5)
Location Purchased: Jewel / 1224 S. Wabash Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.45 + tax

Review: Jewel's Bananas are always either at the stage where they are turning from green to yellow or yellow to brown mush. I just want some yellow bananas to fry up tonight! Yellow!

Extra secret tip: Next time you eat a banana, peel it from the end without the stem. You'll never go back to the old way, I promise. (This is how the monkeys at the zoo do it...They should know)

Rating: 3 / 5

Note: This is a Rapid Review. I'm entertaining guests tonight. Cut me some slack!

3 Sweet Potatoes from Jewel

Item Purchased: 3 Sweet Potatoes from Jewel
Location Purchased: Jewel / 1224 S. Wabash Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.23 + tax

Review: I'm not a big fan of these big potatoes (3.26 lbs for 3 of them) in their baked form, but I do love me some sweet potato fries, which I will attempt to make tonight. Wish me luck.

Rating: 3.25 / 5

Note: This is a Rapid Review. I'm entertaining guests tonight. Cut me some slack!