Lucerne American Cheese Food Slices (16 slices)

Item Purchased: Lucerne American Cheese Food Slices (16 slices)
Location Purchased: Dominick's / 3140 S. Ashland / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.50 + tax

Review: As a general rule, I don't look at American cheese as cheese at all. The packaging of most American cheese (including Lucerne's) even labels the contents as "Cheese Food." American cheese is usually a mixture of a little bit of cheddar (an actual cheese), colby (another actual cheese...we're on a roll here), several other dairy ingredients, artificial coloring and a whole lot of added salt (way off track now). In general, American cheese makes me gag. It reminds me of eating cheese flavored pudding.

There is one thing that I love American cheese for, though... Grilled Cheese.

Being from Wisconsin, I grew to love all cheeses. Cheddar, Swiss, Provolone and even the least Wisconsin-esque cheese, Feta. As a child, I even loved American cheese. As I grew and my tastes changed, however, I realized that cheese and crackers with this monstrosity of dairy chemistry simply made everything taste like dull salted wax paper. The one thing that never lost its zing was grilled cheese. Grilled cheese sandwiches are just not the same with cheddar. Actual cheese is naturally oily and creates an odd slippery sensation when melted between two slices of bread by itself. American cheese, with all of its additives, achieves the perfect gooey consistency to hold the bread together and fill my drooling cheesehead with just the right amount of cheese flavor.

I have trouble telling most American cheese slices apart, so I can't compare Lucerne's product with that of any other manufacturer. I can say that American cheese has one more virtue than its one and only culinary use... It's not Velveeta.

Rating: 2.25 / 5