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Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Cup of Coffee from LeSabre

Item Purchased: Cup of Coffee from LeSabre
Location Purchased: LeSabre Restaurant / 1969 W. Montrose / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.40 + tax

Review: Weak, watery and consistently refilled by our fantastic waitress, LeSabre's coffee is far from my favorite despite my tendency to drink a pot and a half of it when I visit. This is beyond good or bad. This is a staple of any Type 3 diner.

Rating: 3.5 / 5

3 Berghoff Pints from The Hideout

Item Purchased: 3 Berghoff Pints from The Hideout
Location Purchased: The Hideout / 1354 W Wabansia / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.00 ea + tax

Review: Berghoff seems to be the house beer at one of the best little bars in Chicago. The Hideout frustrates with its near impossibility to access from convenient public transportation but delights with its consistently high-quality music bookings. The Hideout is a place where you can see one of Chicago's best-kept secrets, Kelly Hogan, play a show with John Wesley Harding one day and walk into a DJ spinning some dirty funk the next day. All for a low cover and a welcoming atmosphere of genuine music lovers sprinkled with just a few hipster mannequins striking the pose. In addition to music, the Hideout has been known to throw varied events such as author readings and book swaps. Regardless of your lack of a car, you should hop on that bike or simply strut yourself down to the Hideout any night of the week for a friendly staff, pleasantly drunk regulars and some of the best happenings in the Chicagoland area.

Berghoff pilsner is light yellow in color, bright, tingly and refreshing in taste and a tad bit bitter. I know I should stand by my hoppy Wisconsin bretheren, but I just can't help crying in bitter beer, even if the bitterness is designed to be part of the full flavor. I'd still take Berghoff over a Miller Lite, but give me a Sprecher or Point any damn day before one of these.

Rating: 3 / 5

Swiss & Bacon Omelette from LeSabre Restaurant

Item Purchased: Swiss & Bacon Omelette from LeSabre Restaurant
Location Purchased: LeSabre Restaurant / 1969 W. Montrose / Chicago, IL
Price: $4.75 + tax

Review: As far as greasy-spoon diners go, there are three types. The first is the corner diner that gives the illusion of being the real deal, but takes itself too seriously. The prices are too much for too little, the food is nothing that you can't make at home with the minimal know-how and the owners think that their runny shakes and greasy eggs is what constitutes "fine dining." The second type of diner is the diner that replicates whatever amalgam of breakfast-joint memories you have to a T, is priced moderate to high, but what you get is what you would expect for the price and is staffed with charismatic people who you will always remember and will remember you. Eleven City Diner is a type two diner. Chicago could stand to have more of these as opposed to the former.

LeSabre Restaurant is what I consider a type three diner, or an original. These are the places where the waitresses look as if they will spoon your egg salad out of a mayonaise jar, smoke heavily and call you "hon" between their gum snaps. The food is cheap and greasy, the specials are gravy and meat with mythological names and the coffee is so weak that it wears glasses and a pocket protector. These are the kinds of places that remind you that you are in the city and not in some condominium sub-division or tourist attraction.

For $4.75, I recieved a pool of grease with an egg concoction folded and floating on top. Half melted swiss cheese and crispy bacon chunks as big as large toenails wandered around inside. An equally large collection of browned potatoes made to douse with salt and pepper sat beside it and two small slices of toast with just a dab of butter melted in between had their own coach house of a plate.

This is the kind of food that goes down easy, digests quickly and leaves you thirsty for more, despite its heart stopping abilities. It is nothing special, but that's just the way it should be in my book. A meal like this one always reminds me of the Tom Waits album, "Nighthawks At The Diner" and if it were up to me, it would be a required soundtrack. If more of the type 1 diners took notes from places like LeSabre, hangover brunch would be a much more enjoyable experience.

Rating: 4.25 / 5

May 31st - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Blueberry Muffin from Caribou Coffee
Review: (LINK)

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Safeway Select Southwest Salsa Mild (16 oz.)

Item Purchased: Safeway Select Southwest Salsa Mild (16 oz.)
Location Purchased: Dominick's / 1340 S. Canal St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.99 + tax

Review: This is a mild salsa that would taste much better with some spice in it. It is heavy on tomato content, contains black beans and corn (like all good salsa should) and clumps together well for optimal chip dipping. The flavor, unfortunately is exactly what your $1.99 is worth in the corporate supermarket economic arena... Not much. I tried this salsa on veggie burgers and chips and it works much better on the burgers. For a flavorful dip, however, I would spend a buck or two more and get something with a bit of flavor.

Rating: 3 / 5

O Organics Blue Corn Tortilla Chips with Flax Seed (10 oz.)

Item Purchased: O Organics Blue Corn Tortilla Chips with Flax Seed (10 oz.)
Location Purchased: Dominick's / 1340 S. Canal St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.99 + tax

Review: If these chips are any sign of the "O" Organics Brand's competencies, snack foods must be their specialties. With these tortilla chips, for example, O takes an already tasty chip, replaces the chemically treated ingredients with organics and throws in a few Omega-3 fatty acids in the form of flax seeds. The flax seeds add a welcome nutty taste to the already perfectly salted and lightly textured chip. As soon as I find a better salsa, these chips may become a staple of my workplace diet.

Rating: 4 / 5

O Organics Cheese Quesadillas (3 - 3oz. quesadillas)

Item Purchased: O Organics Cheese Quesadillas (3 - 3oz. quesadillas)
Location Purchased: Dominick's / 1340 S. Canal St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.59 + tax

Review: The "O" Organics brand is Dominick's house brand of healthy and (surprise) organic foods for people who want to have a more conscious and equally convenient choice in their weekly hunting/gathering expedition. Good idea. I respect a company that tries to make healthy and organic food an easy option. It may not be the highest quality, but it is a step toward making otherwise inattentive consumers pay attention. Though I don't know much about Dominick's and just because something is organic doesn't necessarily mean that some kind of child labor or other nefarious practice isn't involved, getting people to pay attention to anything is one of the hardest steps. The "O" brand of food (in no way affiliated with Oprah, thankfully) is modestly packaged in mostly white, priced lower than most other organic products and offers a variety of foods and flavors. Why, then, did I buy these simple and overpriced cheese quesadillas.

For the same price of this box of frozen tortillas and cheese, I could have bought four times the number of tortillas and double the amount of cheese and simply made my own quesadillas. There is nothing special about this product at all, save for the fact that you can open, heat and eat. To buy O organics cheese quesadillas on a regular basis is a sign of pure laziness and dependence on machines to prepare your meals for you. Even in a work environment, where convenience foods come in handy, these things are ludicrous.

Rating: 0.25 / 5

From the Meme Failure department:

Looks like Paul Bourgeois, over at the Star Telegram has never heard (or doesn't want to acknowledge) the existence of Buy Nothing Day. He bemoans our habit of shopping on holidays that are meant for family and remembrance while I hold a Buy-Nothing day every week. (Star Telegram)

From the Harvest Time department:

A Chinese farmer stabbed a cab driver, took his car, then drove his car into a crowd of pedestrians while they were shopping in a ritzy Beijing neighborhood. His reason? He said that he held a grudge against wealthy people. (CBC News)

May 30th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Large Mango Iced Tea from Caribou Coffee
Review: (LINK)
Note: I've been biking to work in the sweltering heat the last few days. The first thing I need when I get to work is not coffee, but cold caffeination. This quenches my thirst just fine.

Item Purchased: Chocolate Chip Cookie from Caribou Coffee
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Polish Sausages w/Fries from Jim's Original
Review: (LINK)

Monday, May 29, 2006

6 Pack Of Old Style Beer (16 oz. tall boy cans)

Item Purchased: 6 Pack Of Old Style Beer (16 oz. tall boy cans)
Location Purchased: 7-Eleven / 1350 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $4.69 + tax

Review: Maybe it is because I grew up in Wisconsin, home of the world's largest Old Style six-pack, but I have an affinity toward cheap pale beer. Maybe it is simply because it is cheap.

At any given time last summer, you would always find one of two things in my refrigerator... Old Style or PBR. It makes sense since Old Style (dubbed "Wild Style" by my friends and I) and PBR have a long, intertwined and incestuous relationship.

When you get right down to it, PBR and Old Style don't taste that different. I have a preference for PBR because it doesn't taste quite as flat as Old Style tends to. Really though, this is like comparing apples and other apples.

Old style is a simple pale lager that is a perfect forehead-crushing, slow-sloshing, thirst-quenching beverage to cook with, get tanked with or just sip. And at $4.69 for 96oz., it is a perfect solution to a scorching afternoon in a bookstore with no air conditioning and an average inside temperature of 86 F. It's no gourmet beer, but you could do much much worse.

Note: Unfortunately, the large Old Style sixer in LaCrosse Wisconsin is no longer there. It now is a LaCrosse Lager sixer. At least us Wisconsinites can agree on one thing: Beer is worth building a monument to.

Rating: 3.75 / 5

Picture from RoadsideAmerica.com

Jade Noodles from Thai Bowl

Item Purchased: Jade Noodles from Thai Bowl
Location Purchased: Thai Bowl / 1049 W. Taylor St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $6.95 + tax

Review: After joining my girlfriends' parents for a cookout complete with meats of all kinds last night, I couldn't even think of ingesting another meat product. I especially couldn't fathom eating a cheap turkey sandwich from 7-Eleven, so I snagged my friend Pete into ordering some Thai food with me. He ordered duck. I made sure to order nothing but vegetable products to recover from the thick ribeye and sausage I still have floating around in my gut. When I called Thai Bowl, the woman on the phone only offered me a choice of chicken, beef or shrimp. I had to bring up the subject of bean curd for tofu to even be expressed. I wonder if it is just that younger American males are expected to choose a meat product rather than go the vegetarian route?

Regardless, after a short bike ride to and fro, I cracked open my plastic sealed lunch. For $6.95, Thai Bowl gives you an immense helping of food. Jade noodles is a simple dish consisting of thick spinach noodles, bean sprouts, a small amount of garlic, eggs and a mild chili sauce. All of it fried and tossed together makes for a filling and economical lunch.

Just don't order the crab!

Rating: 3.75 / 5

May 29th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: American Spirit Regular Filter Cigarettes (Hardpack)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Take 5 Ice Cream Candy Bar (74g)
Review: (LINK)

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Hacker Pschorr Hefe Weisse Beer (500ml bottle)

Item Purchased: Hacker Pschorr Hefe Weisse Beer (500ml bottle)
Location Purchased: Eleven City Diner / 1112 S. Wabash / Chicago, IL
Price: $5.50 w/tax

Review: I never would have guessed that Hacker Pschorr Hefe Weisse Beer would become "my drink." It all started one night at Eleven City Diner when my waitress, Genie, misheard my order for Honker's Ale. Given my druthers, I wouldn't have chosen either of them, but I was tired that night and I just wanted beer. Well, Eleven doesn't carry Honker's Ale (or any other Goose Island product, thankfully) and I recieved a tall glass of Weisse.

I like weiss beers. Their cloudy, unfiltered and slightly dirty look with their large foamy head lends a certain sort of decadence to a diner's table. Though most weisse beers have less alcohol than many beers but a bit more than your typical PBR so it is not uncommon to loosen up quickly after drinking one of these. With a slice of lemon dropped into the froth for the final taste addition, Hacker Pschorr proves to be a tasty tall beer that is perfect for hot summer nights or as a refreshing after-work drink. The best weisse beer (in my humble opinion) has to be Franziskaner, but Hacker Pschorr will do in a pinch.

Rating: 3.5 / 5

May 28th - Unreviewable Purchases

Item Purchased: M. Trinchero Merlot 2003 (750 ml. bottle)
Location Purchased: Jewel / 1341 N. Paulina St. / Chicago
Price: $15.99 + tax
Note: I bought this bottle of wine to bring to my girlfriend's parents' house because they had me over for dinner. I was brought up to never show up as an empty-handed guest. No wine was drunk during the course of the night. Only beer and finely grilled meats.

May 28th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Rubin's Reuben from Eleven City Diner
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Camel Turkish Royal Cigarettes (Hardpack)
Location Purchased: Flat Iron Food Mart / 1581 N. Milwaukee Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $7.70 w/tax
Review: (LINK)

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Cup of Coffee from Leon Nuevo Bakery

Item Purchased: Cup of Coffee from Leon Nuevo Bakery
Location Purchased: Leon Nuevo Bakery / 1634 W. 18th St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $0.75 + tax

Review: Who knew you could get a cup of coffee for less than a dollar in the city of Chicago? Not that the coffee brewed at Leon Nuevo Bakery is anything special. There is simply a large self-service coffee maker/dispenser near the front of the bakery. There is no changing the coffee every hour like some of the fancier chain coffee shops around the city, but I say "so what?" The fresh bakery that the fine people at the Leon Nuevo Bakery slave over every morning is payment enough for not-quite-up-to-par coffee. Besides, it is good enough to get you going in the morning and not as bad as, say... McDonald's or 7-Eleven's Coffee. The employees behind the counter are friendly and the smells from within the bakery are heavenly. If the apartment I've been eyeing becomes mine, I can forsee myself frequenting this place quite a bit for a cheap strong cup-o-mud and fresh pastries.

Rating: 3 / 5

Freshening Wet Towel Sp5

Item Purchased: Freshening Wet Towel
Location Purchased: Given to me by a customer at work.
Price: Complimentary

Review: When I was a child, my mother would always have various wet-naps or moist towelettes in her purse to use on long sweaty car rides after snacking on whatever bagged convenience food she also had in her purse. I never fashioned myself as one who would carry these little convenient cleansers with me, but I'm glad I had one on me today.

I was on my way to look at an apartment in the Pilsen neighborhood when I accidentally dropped the orange juice bottle I had just purchased at the local gas station. Thinking nothing of it, I placed the presumably sealed juice bottle in my pocket so I could walk my bicycle down the street and smoke a cigarette. After walking less than a block, I felt something citrus and sticky soaking through my pants pocket and dripping down my leg. Apparantly, when I dropped the bottle, it had loosened the bottle cap and caused my orange juice to leak all over my person. Angry and frustrated that I would be arriving at an apartment showing sticky and gross, I remembered the Freshening Sp5 towelettes I had in my backpack.

I came into posession of these incredibly useful and environmentally conscious cleaning devices one day while talking with a customer of mine at work. Freddy Moh was in town from Singapore for the National Restaurant Association show at McCormick Place to supply and promote the various cleaning products that his company, Freshening, manufactures. We spoke of travel, chicago and my website (I'm a shameless self-promoter). The very next day, Freddy returned to my place of work to give me a couple of samples of his product. Because I don't usually review complimentary things, I thanked him and stuffed the wet-naps into my backpack, where I would eventually check them out, but had mixed feelings about reviewing since it wasn't technically a purchase.

Well, circumstance and utility (you all know how much of an advocate of utility I am by now) swayed my mind. Though I'd rather reduce waste by using the traditional sink and soap and cut down on waste, I found myself rather relieved that I wasn't stuck to my bicycle with dried orange juice.

In addition to being an extremely useful product, the Freshening Sp5 towelette also were subtly scented. Unlike most moist towelettes that smell like they have been doused in rubbing alcohol or gin, Freshening's products give off a slight citrus scent that doesn't irritate or distract from the cleaning at hand. The towelettes are also quite sturdy and strong, making them resistant to tearing or shredding while you are trying to clean up the slob act you have perfected.

In addition to all of the utility that Freshening Singapore's products provide you, they also offer custom packaging for your business or other needs. How cool would it be to pring your business card information on a wet-nap package? You'd probably win every free breakfast in town. Hell, who knows, maybe I will get some moist Consumatron.com towelettes made up and the next time you see me, I will insist that you will need to clean your hands with a Consumatron wet-nap. If you are in the market for wet-naps, check out Freshening Singapore's web-site. If you happen to utilize their services, please, tell them that Kevin from Consumatron.com sent ya!

Rating: 4.25 / 5

May 27th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Tropicana Pure Premium Grovestand Orange Juice (14oz.)
Location Purchased: Clark Oil & Refining / 1721 S. Paulina St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.65 + tax
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Camel Turkish Royal Cigarettes (Hardpack)
Location Purchased: 7-Eleven / 343 S. Dearborn St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $7.84 w/tax
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Polish Sausages w/Fries from Jim's Original
Review: (LINK)

Friday, May 26, 2006

May 26th - Weekly Buy Nothing Day

I did the first but not the second. I partook in a bit of the third and hope not to do the fourth in quite some time.

Step out of your patterns. Buy Nothing.








Picture from Kill-More-People.de

From the Streetside Museums department:

Vanessa Huffman of the Buffalo News has a short opinion piece about the allure of garage sales. With the weather finally approaching spring-like conditions here in Chicago, I can't wait to hit a yard sale or two. Mostly I don't buy because I am a cheap and frugal guy, but I love wandering around looking at all of the stuff people have amassed. Another good place to do this is in the new book by Marilynn Gelfman Karp, In Flagrante Collecto. We just got this book in at the bookstore where I work and I spent too much time the last two days paging through it and thinking about my own collector tendencies. Much like Vanessa Huffman refers to garage sales, this book is like a museum of people's lives. (Buffalo News)

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Pearson Carrot & Celery Sticks Snack Pack (8 oz.)

Item Purchased: Pearson Carrot & Celery Sticks Snack Pack (8 oz.)
Location Purchased: Dominick's / 1340 S. Canal / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.29 + tax

Review: I only needed a few short stalks of celery to mix into my bean salad, so I decided to buy this snack pack to reduce waste. Munching on a few of the carrot sticks as I chopped up a few of the celery sticks, I felt a swelling of pride that I wasn't wasting as much food as I could have. Or maybe that swelling was the slight allergic reaction I get from days-old vegetables that are slightly dried out and dusty from being wrapped in plastic. Not bad, but not entirely great.

Rating: 2.5 / 5

The Produce Stand Fresh Rosemary (.66 oz.)

Item Purchased: The Produce Stand Fresh Rosemary (.66 oz.)
Location Purchased: Dominick's / 1340 S. Canal St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.29 + tax

Review: Fresh spices and herbs tend to be expensive, but if you have a discerning tastes, this woodsy herb is an essential one to add to any salad or dressing. These sprigs are packaged fresh daily so the taste pops from them with even a small amount chopped and sprinkled. Much like the parsley I purchased though, I only used about a quarter of the herb in my dish. I think rosemary may keep longer than parsley, but since I can't afford to carry too many spices around in my bag (except the Old Bay, of course), I will leave it for my girlfriend to make use of. She's a good cook, so I'm sure it won't be a problem for her.

Rating: / 5

Bunch Of Fresh Parsley from Dominick's

Item Purchased: Bunch Of Fresh Parsley from Dominick's
Location Purchased: Dominick's / 1340 S. Canal St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $0.99 + tax

Review: The smallest amount of parsley available for purchase at Dominick's was a bunch of the stuff about as big as one of those half-sized basketballs that people have in their office cubicles to shoot into the garbage can or bean passing co-workers with. I would have rather been able to buy this by the sprig as I don't like wasting food. The little bit of leafy parsley I did use was fresh and added just the right amount of texture and taste to the lemon vinaigrette dressing I made. It was well worth the $0.99 I paid, but I may have to spend the rest of the day walking around the city feeding rabbits with the remainder just so I don't feel as if I have wasted a purchase. Slim down your quantities Dominick's! Not everyone stockpiles food. There are still one or two of us out here who prefer to buy only what we need.

Rating: 2.5 / 5

Organic Lemon from Dominick's

Item Purchased: Organic Lemon from Dominick's
Location Purchased: Dominick's / 1340 S. Canal St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $0.79 + tax

Review: Organic lemons always seem larger, firmer and easier to juice, without the annoying seeds popping out all over the place as they cling to the flesh of the fruit tightly. I don't mind paying a few cents more for something that cuts my juicing time by several minutes and produces a tastier resulting lemon vinaigrette dressing. Here is the organic I support. Produce at its finest.

Rating: 4 / 5

Old Bay Seasoning With Garlic & Herb (2.62 oz.)

Item Purchased: Old Bay Seasoning With Garlic & Herb (2.62 oz.)
Location Purchased: Dominick's / 1340 S. Canal St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.49 + tax

Review: Ahh.. Old Bay! A fine mixture of celery salt and a gazillion other spices and herbs. I put this stuff on everything. The only reason I have never reviewed Old Bay on Consumatron before is because when I had an apartment, we always had an ample amount of this greatest of condiments on hand. My roommate and I used it on everything from soup to popcorn to pizza. Don't even think of making a Bloody Mary without it!

Yes, my love for Old Bay is infinite. If there is one staple in my diet, Old Bay is it. However, due to shoddy research, I never knew there were variations on the classic. Thanks to the fancy Dominick's on South Canal, my world has been cracked open wide and I have been enlightened. Doubtful that you could ever improve on the original, I was minding my own business, shopping for produce when an endcap boasted this delight and stopped me in my tracks. The salty wonderment of Old Bay... Plus garlic and even more herbs?! My stars and garters! I never thought I would be carrying a shaker of spice with me at all times during my wandering from couch to couch, but the next time I stop for a Polish sausage at Jim's, I will smile toothy-like and reach into my backpack to retrieve this travel-sized metal can of New England taste.

Even before putting any of this on your food or into your mouth, the garlic is apparent in the scent. Vampires beware and foodstuffs prepare! This guy's got Old Bay in his arsenal and he's not afraid to use it! I might even like this variation more than the original.

Rating: 4.75 / 5

2 Cans Westbrae Natural Vegetarian Organic Salad Beans (15 oz. each)

Item Purchased: 2 Cans Westbrae Natural Vegetarian Organic Salad Beans (15 oz. each)
Location Purchased: Dominick's / 1340 S. Canal St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.45 + tax ea.

Review: It has been a while since I have set foot in a Dominick's grocery store. I remember while visiting my Godmother in Skokie when I was a little Wisconsin tyke, my mother would insist on going to a Dominick's. There was nothing inherently different about this supermarket chain when compared to the Pick N' Save and Sentry we had back home except that they had the most delicious cookies. As I walked into Dominick's today, I was blown away by how fancy and modern it looked. I am told the other locations in the city don't reflect the upper bread crust like the south loop location does, but all I could see from aisle to aisle was ethnic this, veggie that and organic the other thing.

Which brings me to these organic veggie beans. Westbrae Natural is a company dedicated to producing fresh organic foods for people who still rely on the staples of modern convenience. They are a fairly young company and haven't had too much time to become corrupt or questionable. In 1997, they were acquired by the Hain Celestial Group, another natural foods company that seems to be on the slightly jagged and narrow.

Despite all of this warm fuzziness, the fact is that this mixture of garbanzo, pinto and kidney beans is still kept in a can full of fluid. Call me crazy, but fresh and natural don't exactly coexist comfortably with canned. Despite the beans' firm demeanor and better taste, there is still that formaldehyde taste. All the organics in the world isn't worth the dollar more you pay for liquid soaked beans. The bean salad I made with these "fresh" delights was tasty, but probably would have been tastier if the beans had been fresh or made from dehydrated beans. One reason to aim to end my homelessness: Fresh beans.

Rating: 2 / 5

May 25th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: American Spirit Regular Filter Cigarettes (Hardpack)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Spanish Breakfast Burrito from Kristoffer's Cafe
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Cup of Coffee from Kristoffer's Cafe
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Take 5 Ice Cream Candy Bar (74g)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Small Fireside Blend Coffee from Caribou
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Chocolate Chip Cookie from Caribou Coffee
Review: (LINK)

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Take 5 Ice Cream Candy Bar (74g)

Item Purchased: Take 5 Ice Cream Candy Bar (74g)
Location Purchased: 7-Eleven / 1350 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.09 + tax

Review: Great zombie in the skies! I know I have no firm spiritual beliefs, but I feel the need to praise whoever it is up there that birthed this orgasmic creation.

Oh, so you mean to tell me that this brilliant frozen treat isn't a gift from above after all, but a product of half-assed R&D? Well, I'll still take it! Seeing as the Blue Bunny company is the force beyond this fatty sin stick, that makes it the only good thing to come out of Iowa (with the exception of my friend Pete). Much like the delight that the regular Take 5 candy bar is, its frozen incarnation brings a smile to my chocolate smeared face. Pretzels, caramel, chocolate, peanuts and my personal favorite, peanut butter flavored ice cream! Can it get any better than this. Though completely separate from each other in the frozen form, the ingredients of this candy seem to instantly swirl and melt together into alchemic eureka. Who would have thought that the addition of pretzel to what is basically an airy twix or snickers would add so much to a simple snack? Whoever did think this is probably the same guy who thought to turn some of the candy bar elements into a frozen treat. May the fates smile favorably down on that soul constantly!

Rating: 4.5 / 5

May 24th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Eleven Express from Eleven City Diner
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Kraft Easy Mac Cup (2.05 oz.)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Nabisco Ritz Crackers (4 oz. box)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Nabisco Ritz Crackers (4 oz. box)
Review: (LINK)

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

3 Miller High Life Bottles (12 oz.) from The Beachwood (Beechwood) Inn

Item Purchased: 3 Miller High Life Bottles (12 oz.) from The Beachwood (Beechwood) Inn
Location Purchased: Beachwood (Beechwood) Inn / 1415 N. Wood / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.50/ea. w/tax

Review: I don't wish to spend as much time on the Miller High Life product as I do the establishment where I procured it. As much as I love my home city of Milwaukee, WI, Miller products are really nothing to write home about. High Life's tagline is "The champagne of beers" but, to me, it is more like the soda water of beers. It was cheap so everyone was buying it. When you are buying rounds, this is how it goes. My appologies to everyone last night for buying the last High Life. I feel a deep shame that I was buying High Life at all.

Beachwood Inn, however, doesn't even use soda water to clean stains out of dress pants. They use whiskey and a pool cue. Aaron the doorman reads Nelson Algren because he likes it, not because it's the hip thing to do, the bartender takes his time getting your drinks while pulling the niccotine out of his cigarette and pool is free on Tuesdays, but there are rules you have to follow (if last night is an example, one of the unwritten rules is that women who are bad at pool and have big breasts can break all of the rules and take the table. I hope this was an exception). Beachwood always caught my eye, tucked a block away from Milwaukee Avenue, but it always looked like the kind of place that high school football heroes would go to drink. Instead, you have a great mix of low-key sports fans, literary types, people who talk about music through the haze while bitching about the jukebox selections and a great cross section of age groups. With pinball, pool and cheap beers to keep the rounds around, Beechwood is a place I am happy to have stumbled into.

Oh, and just in case you think I found a pocket of Wicker Park sans irony, Beechwood Inn's tagline is "Drink Locally" yet I saw no hint of Chicago brewed beers on the roster.

Product Rating: 2 / 5

Nissin Cup Noodles Salsa Picante Shrimp (2.25 oz.)

Item Purchased: Nissin Cup Noodles Salsa Picante Shrimp (2.25 oz.)
Location Purchased: 7-Eleven / 1350 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $0.99 + tax

Review: It seems to me that Nissin's current strategy for bringing us new flavors of noodles is to simply take several old flavors and mash them together. I imagine that this was how corned beef and pastrami hash came about, so maybe some day Nissin will hit the target with a new flavor that everyone raves about. Salsa Picante Shrimp, sadly, is not that flavor.

This cup of instant noodles tastes like someone made bland flour noodles, threw in plastic vegetable rejects, a few members of Sea Monkey royalty then emptied a half bottle of Tabasco sauce into the boiling water. I might like this more if it were just the noodles and hot sauce, but I'm getting quite sick of dehydrated vegetable bits in my lunch.

Oh, and the lime flavor? Yeah right. Forget it.

Rating: 2 / 5

Consume.

From the Where There's Smoke, There's... Um... department:

My wonderfully insane city of Chicago signed a law last Friday that requires all cigarettes sold here be designed to go out when not smoked by 2008. "Low-Ignition" cigarettes. For chrissakes! You've already raised the taxes several times on one of my few vices! Now you are going to bring technology into the act of smoking a cigarette? That's going to be even more money! Just make the damn things illegal already. They would be easier and cheaper to get a hold of, I assure you. And what about matches? Do you know how many times I've lit an entire matchbook on fire on windy nights? Why not make low-ignition matchbooks. Or why not take a vacation with all of the tax money you've swindled out of us already and stop making stupid laws like this one.

Is it wrong that I feel like smoking six cigarettes on top of a mound of fois gras in the middle of Daley Plaza. (ABC7 Chicago)

May 23rd - Previously Reviewed Purchases

I know I said I wasn't going to post these lists of previously reviewed purchases anymore, but I view this as an essential part of what the Consumatron experiment is all about. Tracking patterns, realizing wasteful impulse buying. So, sorry to those of you that are annoyed by these. My primary focust is to review new purchases for you, but I just can't visualize this blog without this quick documentation of my buying habits. If you can think of a better way for me to keep this accurate, let me know. If not, I'm sorry. Just skip these posts.

Item Purchased: Spanish Classic Breakfast Sandwich from Kristoffer's Cafe
Review: (LINK)
Note: The triumphant return! Man, I've missed this place. Still the best chorizo in the city!

Item Purchased: Cup of Coffee from Kristoffer's Cafe
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: American Spirit Regular Filter Cigarettes (Hardpack)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Planters Salted Peanuts (1.75 oz. tube)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Chocolate Chip Cookie from Caribou Coffee
Review: (LINK)

Monday, May 22, 2006

Turkey & Roast Beef Club Sandwich from 7-Eleven

Item Purchased: Turkey & Roast Beef Club Sandwich from 7-Eleven
Location Purchased: 7-Eleven / 1350 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.69 + tax

Review: I admit it. I was a careless consumer today. I thought I was grabbing the Turkey Sandwich that I often grab for my drab lunch from 7-Eleven. Most sandwiches are packaged differently from each other. This relatively new addition to the 7-Eleven cadre of deli stacks happens to be packaged in exactly the same manner as the Smoked Turkey & Jack Cheese sandwich in its current, sliced-in-half format. To make a long story short, in a blur of sleepiness, sore muscles from moving heavy furniture all weekend and hunger, I grabbed and went.

Instead of jack cheese, this sandwich contains swiss. Instead of wheat bread, this sandwich is nestled between two slices of a darker multi-grain. Instead of southwest mayonnaise, the turkey and roast beef sandwich contains something called "bistro sauce," which is nothing more than a less seasoned mayonnaise. The roast beef is dry and veiny and the small clumps of fat are indistinguishable from small chunks of swiss cheese. Though not a bad sandwich, I can't help but be disappointed that I was such a careless, quick consumer this time around.

That'll teach me.

Rating: 2.75 / 5

Nantucket Nectars Pressed Apple Juice (17.5 fl. oz.)

Item Purchased: Nantucket Nectars Pressed Apple Juice (17.5 fl. oz.)
Location Purchased: Cafe Jumping Bean / 1439 W. 18th St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.75 + tax

Review: Nantucket Nectars is another one of those classic business stories. Two friends from college set out to go into business for themselves so they don't have to adhere to the corporate expectations put upon them. They find a quirky niche for themselves (in the case of Nantucket Nectars, founders Tom First and Tom Scott began by operating a floating convenience store on a boat off the coast of Nantucket Island). The quirky business achieves a small level of success, which affords the founders to follow other interests. Other interests erupt into another business that once again takes off. The new business achieves a higher level of success and the original quirky moneymaker is dropped. Things get too big or boring for the founders to handle and a corporation (Cadbury Schweppes) buys out the newer bigger business.

In the case of Nantucket Nectars, the two friends began making juice when First tried to recreate the peach juice that he had enjoyed while vacationing in Spain. Experiments with a juicer led to more flavors and the rest, as they say, is sideline history.

Nantucket Nectars' juices are all organic, which lends a fresh taste to most of their juices. The apple juice tastes sweet and looks like urine as all good apple juice should. I'm not sure why the company feels the need to specify that the juice is made by pressing the apples. Does the resulting apple taste differ with mashing or squeezing? How about blending? Furthermore, if the two founders began with a juicer, is this pressed fruit juice idea one of their brainchildren or did the Cadbury Schweppes corporation come up with this one with all of their fancy pressing equipment. If anyone knows the answers to these questions, let me know. Or simply ignore me in hopes that I get more sleep and stop asking so many damn questions. The juice tastes good, which is what you wanted to know... I prefer orange juice, but the only choice that the Cafe Jumping Bean had with orange in it was Orange-Pineapple-Banana and drinking bananas is just plain gross.

Rating: 3.5 / 5

End Of An Era

Well, that's it. The apartment is empty. The storage space is full. My bags are heavy and the couch offers are piling up. Thanks be to caring friends.

It's the end of an era. I'll miss that crumbling mass of an apartment. The late nights spinning records, the crazy parties, the destructive sculptures, late night cigarettes on the fire escape and the rotating cast of roommates and neighbors. All good things begin and end.

The final scotch was drunk, the glasses clinked and the dust settled nicely into a mountain of garbage bags.

Goodbye to all that. Good riddence to the denizens of the South Loop who can't wait for two minutes for us to pack up a moving truck and feel the need to tell me about their taxpaying problems. We're out now. Hope you're happy! Gentrification in the Central Station! Goodbye to all that and good day to new beginnings.

Finally, goodbye to week-long gaps between reviews.

I'm back, I'm homeless and I'm ready to review with a fresh eye for things.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Weeks End?

Ugh.. I'll be back Monday. There is just too much stuff to be tied up with my apartment this weekend. Who knew preparing for homelessness would be so much work?

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Bombay Coconut Curry Chicken Tossers from WOW Cafe and Wingery (6pc.)

Item Purchased: Bombay Coconut Curry Chicken Tossers from WOW Cafe and Wingery (6pc.)
Location Purchased: WOW Cafe & Wingery / 717 West Maxwell St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $8.49 + tax

Review: First the good news. Chicken tenders from WOW Cafe and Wingery are large, plump, juicy and hand battered. You have seventeen homemade sauces to choose from for dipping or tossing (chicken pieces are bathed in the sauce while they are heated). The coconut curry sauce is orgasmic in flavor, consistency and spiciness. Finally, WOW's chicken is fresh, not frozen and all white meat so the chicken tastes like chicken, not the T.V. dinner equivalent.

Now for the bad news. $8.49 for six chicken tenders? Obviously these guys haven't studied the Wendy's business plan. That means that each tender I eat costs me exactly $1.415. I'm sorry, but no chunk of white-meat chicken is worth a buck and change. If I am going to pay that much for a breaded piece of chicken, it better be free range. Hell, it better roam the world's top resorts and, when it comes time for slaughter, it better die by way of a buxom French maid giving it a hand job. When it is battered, it better be delicately massaged in a Chinese palace. Add a few more cultural cliches to its preparation and then it might be worth my $1.415/tender. Nowhere on WOW's menu or website does it indicate that these fresh, not frozen chickens are anything nearing free range. I'm not saying that they are simply cage harvested meat cubes, but the way the poultry industry works, I would be surprised if it were otherwise.

I know, I know, you're telling me I get a side with my tenders, so I am not actually paying a full $1.415 for my chicken.

Fact: You have a choice of seven different sides with your order of tenders or tossers at WOW.

Fact: The only one of these sides that sounds remotely appetizing as a side dish to fried chicken is the French fries.

Fact: The French Fries at WOW taste as if they have been left in a fryer for 6.415 days and only heated for a fraction of that time.

Fact: I should be paid for eating these sorry excuses for potatoes.

To sum up... Though the chicken tenders at WOW taste fantastic and the homemade sauces are something I would love to get a recipe for, the price of their food is aimed toward higher-level business executives who send e-mails through their blackberry during lunch and have a large petty cash box in their bottom desk drawer.

Though I doubt I will ever head into WOW for lunch again, I may return for their $1.00 PBR and Old Style cans.

Rating: 2 / 5

Note: When I use the word "fact" in this review, I actually mean "belly lurchingly strong opinion" in the second, third and fourth instances. (I have to maintain my credibility for those of you who take everything literally.)

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Sony Microvault 512MB USB Flash Memory Drive

Item Purchased: Sony Microvault 512MB USB Flash Memory Stick
Location Purchased: Target / 1154 S. Clark St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $24.99 + tax

Review: I don't like to give Sony any of my money. Especially after that whole fiasco with the Digital Rights Management root kit that Sony put on select CDs back in October of last year. Due to a recent need to become more mobile and a whole lot of computer work in my near future, I needed small, transportable disk space... Fast! I was about to go with an off-brand flash drive when I noticed this little monster with twice the capacity for half the price.

Smaller than most lipsticks, this stylish little flash drive holds half a gig and is easily compatable with whatever operating system you may be running on your 'puter. Its USB 2.0 interface ensures a 12 Mbps transfer rate (really blazing fast for those of you not learned in geek speak) and an easy plug-n-play interface (though, nowadays, what isn't).

With this flash drive tucked in my inside pocket, I can easily load up some documents to be printed, audio files to be rocked at work or pictures to be shared and run to my next destination without grabbing my lower back in pain due to hauling my laptop with me everywhere I go. Already, it has allowed me to work on my website, transfer research material and save addresses without risk of losing that napkin soaked with PBR that I wrote someone's e-mail address on.

I only see two problems with this otherwise fantastic flash drive. First, there is no easy way to attach it to a keychain or other body leash. The holes on the end of the cap and body of the drive are only large enough to allow something the girth of fishing line to pass through. Second, this device is made by Sony, who is an evil, computer-corrupting and selfish global corporation dead set on securing disproportionate profits from poor data-hungry schmucks like you and I.

I guess what I'm saying is, if you can afford and find another brand, buy that instead, but the thrifter inside of me just couldn't pass up the price markdown to nearly a third of the suggested retail.

Rating: 3 / 5

Buy a bloodthirsty company's flash drive from Amazon.com: Consume.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Musing Over Consuming.

I am sitting in what will be my bedroom for only a few more days with little more than a futon, a duffle bag full of clothes, a backpack and a civilization of dust bunnies. After May 21st, I won't have a bedroom. Nearly all of my posessions sit in a 5'x10' storage space a few blocks away with limited access hours. Instead of the expected sensation of being in limbo, I am rather excited about these next couple of weeks to come. In fact, the feelings inside of me are similar to what I felt when I was a naive 22 year old heading out on the road to live out of my van for a couple of months. Hearing the echo of each tap of the keyboard in my emptied bedroom frees me.

It is a bit ironic that someone whose posessions can all fit in a tiny storage space writes a blog about consumerism. Of course, it isn't so odd when you read Consumatron for a while and realize that most of what I purchase is edible. It wasn't always that way. Not so long ago, I used to be a collector of the worst kind. I clung to every memory with tangible counterparts whether it was a life altering memory or a movie. I had to have every new special edition CD and DVD that was released regardless of whether or not I listened to or watched the original anymore. Go back a little further, I was a bit of a comic book nerd. Let's not get into special edition foil-embossed covers and limited publisher crossover series.

It all changed when I began to travel.

When I felt that freedom of waking up in a new place each day, I realized that I didn't need the newest gadgets or the shiniest toys. When you are on the move (whether you are on the road to the next state or the subway to your friend's couch), less is more. Memories seem to be carved a little deeper and new experiences are a language all their own.

Two days away from turning 27, I have reached a middle ground. I have a sizeable book collection that I struggle with every time I encounter the need to shrink it. Music is another vice that has an immense denisity in the form of vinyl records. Beyond that, I don't feel the need to have much. I don't have the plasma screen television or the sports car. Rarely do I buy a pair of shoes that cost me over $30 (though I do enjoy a good pair of PF Flyers every now and then). Books, records and clothes aside, the rest of my posessions tend to be tools of creation. Notebooks, pens, a camera and a computer. The literature and music provide the inspiration.

I suppose that is my current philosophy of consumerism. Buy to inspire and create, not to weigh you down and kill a part of you. Sure, I have my mementos, but rarely do they consist of a semi-professional aerial view of a city with colorful bubble letters of the location pasted over them. The shell on my windowsill reminds me of the walk I took on the beach and the waitress at the Chinese restaurant I flirted awkwardly with. The photos remind me of people no longer here. Some things have been lost, and that causes me to try even harder not to forget. Nothing weighs me down. Even loss of these mementos lifts me up.

There will be loss in my transition from loft-dweller to couch-crasher. None of it will be forgotten. As soon as I am given the opportunity, I plan on consuming and creating. Capturing the memories and continually moving forward.

Thanks to those of you who stuck with me through these quiet days. You didn't miss much. I ate at Eleven City Diner a lot, rented a storage space and bought a lot of coffee.

At least one review a day returns tomorrow. Full reviews of new purchases by next week. Previously Reviewed purchases won't have their own post each day anymore. Instead, I am going to edit the original review with the dates of purchase. Those of you who read the site on an RSS feed might see the updates, depending on your settings. Otherwise, the redundancy should be gone. This will force me to seek out new things to try and purchase and get to the bottom of whether or not these things serve to weigh us down or enable us to lift ourselves up.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Life Gives You Lemons, Consumatron Gets Sticky

Update: I know I promised one review a day, but I am currently working on moving my posessions into a storage space and have had no time whatsoever. Reviews are scheduled to return Monday, May 15th. By then I will be certifiably homeless, living out of a few bags and couch surfing. I should have a lot more time to update the site when I am waking up in strange places every morning. There have been homeless bloggers before, but I may go down in history as the first homeless blogger with three jobs. Woohoo!

---

I'm in the process of moving and the process isn't proceeding as smoothly as I would like it to. This is just a short note to let you all know that until I get settled into my new apartment, storage space or highway underpass, updates will be sporadic and incomplete. I will be eating a lot of convenience foods in the near future, and as much as I enjoy reviewing the marvels of modern convenience foods, I just don't know how much time I will have to do so. I'll try to keep up with at least one unique review per day, time permitting.

Forgive me. I know you will.

As a show of appreciation for your understanding, I will give you some early warning information (and ask for your help at the same time).

This October 3rd will mark the one year anniversary for Consumatron.com. I don't know about you, but I want to celebrate. Instead of heading out to the Drake and spending ridiculous amounts of currency on Scotch I can't afford, I am planning on throwing a party of sorts. My vision is to have musicians, authors, artists, vendors and the like doing their thing and hawking their wares. Drink is a must. Food is an option.

While the specifics are hazy at this point, I will keep you updated. For now, however, I need your help. If you are interested in providing any sort of service, goods, venue or entertainment for Consumatron's first birthday, please let me know while the plans are still embryonic. Together, I am certain we can birth a great little party for this little website's first shot at blowing out the candles. I already have two authors on board. Let me know what you can do.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

From the Gassy Cheeseheads department:

For the first time in twenty-five years, Wisconsin motorists have driven fewer miles than the year before. The Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel says this is due to gas prices topping $3.00/gallon. I remember when I could buy gas for my car at $.75/gallon. I'm only twenty-seven years old! You mean to tell me, the gas prices had to quadruple before we parked our cars in the garage? That's ridiculous. No wonder Wisconsin gets a bad rep for being a large state full of large people. Sheesh! I just wonder what it will take to get these Hummer drivers to stop driving around the easily biked/walked/trained/bussed city of Chicago. I say up it to $10/gallon! (Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel)

May 7th - Unreviewable Purchases

Item Purchased: Small Vanilla Bean Ice Rage
Location Purchased: Coffee on Milwaukee / 1046 N. Milwaukee Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.70 + tax
Note: Purchased for Michaelia. Basically, this is a Frappe with signature flavors from some company called Big Train.

Item Purchased: Pineapple Coconut Muffin
Location Purchased: Coffee on Milwaukee / 1046 N. Milwaukee Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.39 + tax
Note: Purchased for Michaelia. I tried a bit of this muffin and it's nothing to write home about. It's not even much to make a collect call home about. Unless you like talking to your family about dry pastry.

May 7th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Turkey Sandwich from Coffee on Milwaukee
Review: (LINK)

Saturday, May 06, 2006

From the My Pocket Book Only Has Eyes For You department:

Canada.com posts an article about infidelity. Not the marital kind, but the financial kind...Which is also sort of a marital kind. Financial infidelity is when one partner hides or lies about their spending to the other. One theory why people do this is so they can assert one's independence within a partnership. Business coach Fred Horowitz says, "hiding spending from a partner suppresses self expression and hurts the relationship." I think there is a simpler explanation. How about because guys don't want their wives knowing that they spent half a paycheck on Spank69TV to channel their natural thoughts of more serious forms of infidelity in a healthy way? Or what about buying gifts for your spouse? Shouldn't that be kept on the down low for a while? At least until the gift is given? Even after the exchange takes place you may not want to share what you spent on it. I was always taught that to ask how much a gift cost was to be extremely rude. (Canada.com)

May 6th. - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Cup of Coffee from Eleven City Diner
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Three Eggs (Scrambled) w/bacon from Eleven City Diner
Price: $8.10 + tax
Review: (LINK)
Note: It's a steep increase to add meat to this simple breakfast dish, but in the end, the resulting price is still comparable to most other diners of Eleven's calibre. The bacon is served crispy, just the way I like it. I also noticed that Eleven has changed its potatoes once again. I have heard people gripe about each potato incarnation at Eleven, but I have enjoyed each variety. Instead of small crispy potato hunks, Eleven has switched, now, to thinly sliced and fried potatoes resembling a home-style hash brown dish. If I had to choose a favorite, I would choose the first incarnation of the potatoes. The latest variety of spuds, however, would be a whole lot better if it weren't so salty. It almost tastes as if these potatoes were prepared with chicken broth. I say that because the flavor reminds me of the chicken broth mashed potatoes my mother used to make.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Reviewed On Mediatron Today!

Ham & Swiss Omelette from Eleven City Diner

Item Purchased: Ham & Swiss Omelette from Eleven City Diner
Location Purchased: Eleven City Diner / 1112 S. Wabash / Chicago, IL
Price: $8.95 + tax

Review: First the bad news: If you get meat in your omelette at Eleven City Diner, you have to pay a buck extra. Hmm... That's not so terrible, is it? Most other diners I have eaten at charge more than that for meat. Some charge upwards of $2.50. So you must get just a sprinkling of meat then, right? Wrong. The ham was as plentiful as the feta cheese was in the omelette I purchased last week. I suppose there really isn't any bad news. On to the good news!

The good news is that I couldn't finish this omelette because it was so huge. As much as I wanted to... As hungry as I was from sleeping through the entire day yesterday... As small as my eye-to-stomach ratio was... I still couldn't finish this thing. Eleven City Diner has the largest portions I have ever seen in a diner. Every meal you order could serve as two, so bring a friend! If you don't have a friend, bring a cooler to store your leftovers in at work! If you don't have a cooler, then bring an appetite!

The omelette shows no sign of grease or frying detritus, just fluffy eggs, oozing cheese and thinly sliced rectangles of lean ham. Served with a heaping helping of potatoes and toast of your choice (I had an English muffin), the plate(s) you receive beg to be cleared, but pose a challenge to all who try. I am going to miss living a couple of blocks from this place. Of course, if I have to bike further to get here, perhaps I will stay in shape by offsetting the huge portion size with cardiovascular activity.

Rating: 4.25 / 5

From the Everything New Is Old Again department:

Ex MST3K writer and star, Kevin Murphy, examines the two new DVD formats set to hit electronics store shelves later this year. Which one will last? Which one should we buy. Kevin has the answers. (NPR)

May 5th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Cup of Coffee from Eleven City Diner
Review: (LINK)

Thursday, May 04, 2006

May 4th - Buy Noting Day

I've slept most of the day away and the sinus pressure in my head makes me feel as if I am auditioning for the remake of Scanners. Anyone else suffering from allergies as much as I am today?

I've made the decision not to leave the house. I'm also not buying anything. Reviews return tomorrow.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

May 3rd - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased:7-Eleven Tuna Salad Sandwich
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Planters Salted Peanuts (1.75 oz. tube)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Small Peppermint Tea from Caribou Coffee
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Challah Bread French Toast from Eleven City Diner
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Cup of Coffee from Eleven City Diner
Review: (LINK)
Note: Price was raised to $2.25.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Eleven Express from Eleven City Diner

Item Purchased: Eleven Express from Eleven City Diner
Location Purchased: Eleven City Diner / 1112 S. Wabash / Chicago, IL
Price: $5.60 + tax

Review: Every diner worth its weight in hangover food needs something like this on the menu. A collaborative option that allows the regular customers on their way to work a chance to order one thing and get something different every day. If I owned a restaurant, I would call this menu option "The Usual" just to confuse people.

The Eleven Express is a trifecta of breakfast-time, on-the-go necessity. You get a cup of coffee, a glass of juice (your choice) and a bakery item of your choice. My choices are usually orange and everything bagel, in that order. Just enough fuel to get me going in the morning. The bagels are filling, come with a large cup of cream cheeze and the juice is fresh squeezed. What more can you ask for from a quick breakfast snack?

This option only saves me a few cents on my bill when compared to ordering these items seperately, but as every morning drunk in search of Vitamin-G (grease), thrifty businessman on the way to the Stock Exchange or poor blogger knows, every little bit counts.

Rating: 4.25 / 5

May 2nd - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: 7-Eleven Smoked Turkey & Jack Cheese Sandwich w/Southwest Mayonnaise
Review: (LINK)
Note: 7-Eleven has started to cut their sandwiches in half. I really don't care about this modification one way or another since the price has not gone up. It also seems that there is less material used in the packaging now. That is a good thing.

Item Purchased: Planters Salted Peanuts (1.75 oz. tube)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Chocolate Chip Cookie from Caribou Coffee
Review: (LINK)

Monday, May 01, 2006

Equaline Cotton Swabs (500 ct.)

Item Purchased: Equaline Cotton Swabs (500 ct.)
Location Purchased: Jewel / 1224 S. Wabash Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.89 + tax

Review: Seems like my personal hygeine products all ran out at once. Not only is my mouth septic, but my ears are like candles. Every time I stick my little pinky finger in my ear to scratch an itch, it comes out waterproof. It was time to get some cotton swabs, my friend.

Now, I know most of us are brought up on the Q-Tip brand cotton swabs. So heavily are we inundated with the branding of consumer goods that a brand name becomes a description of what something is. It's like we have something clogging our ears to the point we only hear tag lines and slogans. This is why I needed to buy these off-brand cotton swabs to clear a passage to truth and less expensive hygeine.

Equaline's swabs actually work better than Q-Tips since they don't overdo it on the cotton. There is no stringy streams of cotton pulling off at the slightest bit of moisture. Instead, there is great absorbtion and sturdy scraping power in these small cotton dumbbells for small places.

Rating: 4/5

FreshBurst Listerine Antiseptic (1 L.)

Item Purchased: FreshBurst Listerine Antiseptic (1 L.)
Location Purchased: Jewel / 1224 S. Wabash Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $4.00 + tax

Review: If you don't have dental insurance, you better have a bottle of listerine. You also better rinse with it at least twice a day. If you don't, you will end up looking like a hockey player who eats granite snack cakes. I started using listerine regularly a long time ago when a dental hygeinist who had just finished watching me get four cavities filled confided in me and explained to me that people who don't floss or use listerine are how most dentists make their money. They're still making some scratch off of my lack of string between my teeth but at least there are no rot pockets to speak of.

Listerine contains menthol and eucalyptus as active ingredients so Koalas dip their cigarettes in it. For us humans, though, all it does is make your mouth sting, glow, then sing with cool minty freshness. The directions on the bottle tell you to rinse with Listerine twice a day for 30 seconds at a time. Many times, I have trouble rinsing for the full 30 seconds because the sting is so unbearable. I have been told that this is because I have so much bacteria in my mouth. If my mouth weren't so dirty, it wouldn't hurt as much, they say. I say f#$% that. That s#@& is such a damn lie! Dirty mouth?!

There are several flavors and types of Listerine, but I prefer the FreshBurst. It's a stupid name for a fantastic product, but if that is all that is wrong with it, I'll take it. The first time I went back to the Dentist after beginning to use Listerine, the dentist commented on how much better my mouth looked. How much cleaner. My mouth was no longer dirty. You can take that $%&@ to the bank, %*&##$.

Rating: 4.25 / 5

Clean your mouth! with some Listerine from Amazon.com: Consume.

May 1st - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Camel Turkish Royal Cigarettes (Hardpack)
Location: Airport Food & Liquor / 4735 W. 63rd St. / Chicago, IL
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Brownberry Whole Grain Classics 12 Grain Bread (24 oz. loaf)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Morningstar Farms Grillers Vegan Veggie Burgers (4 ct.)
Review: (LINK)