Grey Poupon Dijon Mustard (8 oz.)

Item Purchased: Grey Poupon Dijon Mustard (8 oz.)
Location Purchased: Dominick's / 1340 S. Canal St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.89 + tax

Review: Let's be honest. This is the first dijon mustard any child of the eighties, like myself, reaches for while in the condiment aisle. This is because we all harbor a deep-seeded desire to be driving home from the grocery store to have a limo pull up with an old man with a fake British accent in the back seat who asks people in the cars next to them if they have any Grey Poupon. Those commercials engraved a fear on our psyches. We are all afraid that this scenario will actually play out and we will be caught Poupon-less.

What?

Don't try and tell me that you didn't fall for this! We all did. We watched Voltron and Transformers for chrissakes! Go back and watch those shows now. See how stupid we were? Each episode is the same damn storyline! No wonder we grew up to watch such insipid entertainment as "Will & Grace" and "Dharma & Greg."

Our coked-out '80's mentality leads us to stupid choices at the grocery store as well. Here are the truths you need to get right in your head: 1) There is no rich limo-riding fake-british accent man that wants mustard... or anything else from you. 2) Even if you hold your memories of Voltron close to your heart like I do, it was still a brainless show that gave way to the popularity of the Power Rangers. 3) Grey Poupon tastes like ground up chalk with mustard flavor mixed in.

Got it?

Good.

Rating: 1.75 / 5