Frugal Joe's Ordinary Beer (6 - 12oz bottles)

Item Purchased: Frugal Joe's Ordinary Beer (6 - 12oz bottles)
Location Purchased: Trader Joe's / 1840 N. Clybourn Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $4.69 + tax

Review: I can't tell if alluding to this beer as cheap is a gimmick or not. At approximately $0.79 a beer, you would expect this beer to be bitter, on the verge of skunky and flat. On the contrary, this is a pretty tasty brew. I've paid four times as much for sixers that don't live up to the quality of this beer.

There are no distinguishing fruit or nutty tastes to be distinguished. It is a basic malt/hops beer with a basic recycled cardboard case that plays up the fact that it is not an expensive beer. The label on each bottle follows by defining each word of the name as a dictionary would. Nothing is printed on the bottle cap and the bottle itself is an undecorated brown.

Better than most lite beers, all of Miller and Budweiser's strands of beer, Frugal Joe's Ordinary Beer is worth a trip to your local out-of-the-way Trader Joe's. Don't believe the label. Buy the beer and try the beer. I'm going to go get another, just to make sure I wasn't drinking when I wrote this review...or something like that.

Rating: 4.25 / 5

Trader Joe's Creamy Peanut Butter - Salted (16 oz)

Item Purchased: Trader Joe's Creamy Peanut Butter - Salted (16 oz)
Location Purchased: Trader Joe's / 1840 N. Clybourn Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.69 + tax

Review: First off, most natural peanut butters cost me over $3.00 for a 16oz jar. Second, most self-described natural peanut butters become stale and dry after one or two uses or a day in the refrigerator. Third, most natural peanut butters only list salt and peanuts as their ingredients, but taste as if there has been a half cup of sugar stirred into them.

Trader Joe's peanut butter doesn't even say that it is natural on the label like most other brands do. A 16oz jar costs less than two bucks, it doesn't become stale or dry very quickly and you can actually taste the peanut flavor in this sandwich staple.

I have only tasted one other peanut butter this delicious in my life and that was bought from a farmer's market for nearly $5.00 for a small jar. Oh Trader Joe's, are you going to make me venture into the trenches of Lincoln park every time I want even a PB&J sandwich? Curse you for being so economical!

Rating: 4.75 / 5

Trader Joe's Refresh Citrus Conditioner (16 fl oz)

Item Purchased: Trader Joe's Refresh Citrus Conditioner (16 fl oz)
Location Purchased: Trader Joe's / 1840 N. Clybourn Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.99 + tax

Review: What Trader Joe's Shampoo lacks in the softening and moisturizing department, this conditioner makes up for. There is an even stronger scent of citrus in this viscous white hair lotion than in a freshly cut orange. Sometimes, early in the morning before drinking my first cup of coffee, I have almost tasted this conditioner because of its great smell. The only thing that has stopped me is the fact that my hair isn't long enough to put into my mouth.

My hair is left feeling soft and manageable after rubbing and rinsing with this conditioner. Who could ask for anything more at such a great price?

Rating: 4 / 5

Trader Joe's Refresh Citrus Shampoo (16 fl oz.)

Item Purchased: Trader Joe's Refresh Citrus Shampoo (16 fl oz.)
Location Purchased: Trader Joe's / 1840 N. Clybourn Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.99 + tax

Review: This is another one of those products I have been stealing, little by little, from my roommate. I ran out of my shampoo about a month ago and ever since I have been taking a small dab each morning from the bottle of this stuff that sits conveniently on our bathroom shower caddie. Well, just like the grains of sand that add up to a desert, all of these dabs added up to an empty bottle...and a clean scalp.

Citrus is supposed to be good for the body, and though my hair isn't as silky soft as it is when I use my regular brand of shampoo, this orange-scented vitamin-C follicle infusion is pretty close to what I am used to. And did I mention that it is only a third of the cost of that other name-brand goop I usually buy?

A scalp that smells like orange, a soft and shimmering mane and a portion of my daily recommended dose of vitamin C for a fraction of the price I am used to paying? I think Trader Joe's may make a convert out of me yet!

Rating: 4 / 5

Trader Joe's Vanilla Almond Just The Clusters (16 oz. bag)

Item Purchased: Trader Joe's Vanilla Almond Just The Clusters (16 oz. bag)
Location Purchased: Trader Joe's / 1840 N. Clybourn Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.99 + tax

Review: Not quite granola, and not quite a granola bar, this breakfast substance is somewhere in between. That in-between place may just be the eden of sweet breakfast foods.

Heaped with almond slices and naturally flavored vanilla granola clusters, Trader Joe's Just The Clusters is great with milk, yogurt (use vanilla flavored for vanilla overload), or straight from the bag as a morning, afternoon, evening, midnight or 3AM snack. The best part is that these sweet little clusters can serve as a natural and healthy alternative for my winter sweet-tooth.

My keyboard at work must have a thin layer of vanilla granola dust on it because I was snacking on this stuff all day today. Unfortunately, this is a much welcomed layer of foodstuffs because it is better than the mustard and barbecue stains spattered across my keyboard from messy co-workers who use my desk as their cafeteria table when I am busy working elsewhere in the bookstore.

Rating: 4.25 / 5

Trader Joe's Everything Bagels (6 bagels)

Item Purchased: Trader Joe's Everything Bagels (6 bagels)
Location Purchased: Trader Joe's / 1840 N. Clybourn Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.99 + tax

Review: Though smaller than the everything bagels I am used to from Dunkin' Donuts, Trader Joe's everything bagels are tastier. They also have a consistency that is more dense and moist than most other everything bagels.

I kept these bagels sealed in their bag and inside of my backpack today. Now, whenever I open my backpack, I am greeted with a sweet aroma of onion. It'll probably take a week to get that smell out.

All in all, these bagels are great but could use a little less onion and a little more salt. Trader Joe's doesn't seem to have any plans to cater to my specific tastes exclusively though, so I will be happy with what I am given...

...and that is not a bad thing. I can't wait to fry up an egg and cheese sandwich on one of these puppies when I get home tonight.

Rating: 4 / 5

Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Bars (3 - 1.75 oz. bars)

Item Purchased: Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Bars (3 - 1.75 oz. bars)
Location Purchased: Trader Joe's / 1840 N. Clybourn Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.29 + tax

Review: I am not a huge fan of dark chocolate. The aftertaste is what turns me away. However, it seems that every winter, my body requires more sugar than usual. So, one night around midnight or 1AM, while rooting around in my disgusting refrigerator, I came across these chocolate bars that my roommate had bought. Desperate to regulate my blood sugar, I swiped one and promptly scarfed it down. I bought these today as a replacement.

That's right, I bought dark chocolate because I am a thief.

It seems I have stopped being finicky and learned to love the dark chocolate because I have already eaten one whole chocolate bar throughout the course of my work day today. Trader Joe's dark chocolate (from Belgium) doesn't have the bitter bite that most dark chocolate does. And the aftertaste is minimal and easily washed away with a few drinks of water or coffee. Eating these chocolate bars with a cup of joe actually seems to enhance the flavor of the coffee.

The French also seem to think that dark chocolate is good for you.

Paris, here I come!

Rating: 3.5 / 5

Trader Ming's (Joe's) Ginger Peanut Noodle Salad (10 oz.)

Item Purchased: Trader Ming's (Joe's) Ginger Peanut Noodle Salad (10 oz.)
Location Purchased: Trader Joe's / 1840 N. Clybourn Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.49 + tax

Review: From their ready-to-eat section, Trader Joe's offers a lunch-size plastic container full of eastern noodles. I'm not sure how I feel about the cutesy attempt to make this item seem more authentic by changing "Joe" to "Ming," but the noodles sure are tasty.

Wheat noodles with a ginger soy dressing already cooked into them, this dish can be eaten hot or cold. I opted for nuking it and eating them warm. The ginger taste is subtle and even the soy isn't overbearing. Some might say this is a bland dish, but those people are probably the people who think that going to their local Chinese buffet and pigging out on deep-fried chicken strips dipped in sweet-and-sour sauce is eating authentic Chinese food. If your taste buds haven't been completely wiped out by American ethnic derivatives and fast food, you should enjoy this affordable lunch, perfect for taking to work with you.

My only complaint is the accuracy on the label. It says "Ginger Peanut Noodle Salad" and that is exactly what I got. A ginger noodle salad with exactly one peanut in it. Ah well, maybe next time, I'll buy some extra peanuts to throw in. I suspect, though, that I simply picked a dud.

Rating: 3.75 / 5

Oct. 31st - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Medium Coffee from Dunkin' Donuts
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Medium Caribou Coffee (Light Roast)
Review: (LINK)

Small Coffee from Sweet Thang

Item Purchased: Small Coffee
Location Purchased: Sweet Thang / 1921 W. North Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.00 + tax

Review: Sweet Thang knows its strength is in bakery and other desserts and prices them fairly and accordingly. The rest of their menu is pretty low on the price spectrum though.

For example, I challenge you to find a small coffee in Chicago that isn't convenience-store/motor-oil caliber for a dollar or less.

Give up?

Sweet Thang.

Fresh, hot and not Folgers. There is nothing spectacular about the coffee at Sweet Thang, but it meets all of my requirements for an enjoyable cup of coffee. Besides, the desserts are the spectacular products here. It would be pretty damn hard to brew a cup of coffee that could compete.

But it's only a buck! Did I mention that already?

Rating: 3.75 / 5

Medium Tazo Chai Tea from Sweet Thang

Item Purchased: Medium Tazo Chai Tea from Sweet Thang
Location Purchased: Sweet Thang / 1921 W. North Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.65 + tax

Review: This item was purchased for someone other than myself and therefore, cannot be reviewed at this time.

Buy one at Amazon.com

Coconut Pineapple Mousse Puff from Sweet Thang

Item Purchased: Coconut PineappleMousse Puff
Location Purchased: Sweet Thang / 1921 W. North Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.75 + tax

Review: Another delight from Sweet Thang. This time, for my partner in sugared crime, Michaelia. Thankfully, she was kind enough to let me try a bite.

This dessert was the favorite choice of the woman working behind the counter. She endorsed it so completely that she offered us a trade for something else if we didn't enjoy it.

Fat chance of that!

The coconut puff consists of a fresh pineapple slice atop a light and fluffy white cake that almost melts at the slightest touch. On top of all of this is a perfect hemisphere of sweet whipped cream mousse frosting coated with coconut shavings.

You might think that $3.75 is too high a price for a dessert this size. I usually would agree with you, but not here. At Sweet Thang, the desserts are worth every penny.

Rating: 4.5 / 5

Honey Pecan Tart from Sweet Thang

Item Purchased: Honey Pecan Tart
Location Purchased: Sweet Thang / 1921 W. North Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.75 + tax

Review: I work at a restaurant on the weekends and sometimes I am able to sample a slice of our pecan pie. I love pecan pie.

I blame the baker at Sweet Thang for making it impossible for me to ever enjoy a slice of my restaurant's pecan pie ever again. The Sweet Thang crew might even be responsible for making it impossible for me to ever enjoy any dessert that did not originate from Sweet Thang ever again.

This North Avenue bakery/cafe has been in existence nearly five years. It's a good thing I have waited this long to try any of their offerings. If I had tried them any sooner, I fear I would be both broke and fat by now.

Not too sweet or soggy like many pecan desserts are prone to be, this small tort packs the flavor of an entire pecan pie from any other establishment. The honey forms a thin layer atop the pecan chunks that glistens and calls to you well before you approach the glass case that cradles Sweet Thang's colorful selection. Long before the sweet-as-her-desserts woman behind the counter charms you with her French accent and enthusiasm. The pecans inside taste fresh and are sugared just right. Finally, the crust of the tart is crisp and buttery. Even alone, the crust would be better than most of the run-of-the-mil desserts you are used to.

I will be back for more, happily blaming Sweet Thang for the pounds I pack on to keep me warm this winter.

Rating: 4.75 / 5

Medum Ginger Peach Tea (Republic of Tea Brand)

Item Purchased: Medum Ginger Peach Tea (Republic of Tea Brand)
Location Purchased: Half & Half / 1560 N. Damen Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.00

Review: This sore throat has me feeling and acting like a crack addict...Only replace the crack with herbal remedies. Busting into Half & Half, sweaty from my bike ride to Wicker Park, I verbally accosted the nice young man working behind the counter, letting loose a rampage of questions and requests.

"Do you have lemon ginger tea? No? Well, how about any tea with ginger in it? Oh, there is some Ginger Peach. I'll take a ginger peach tea please. Maybe that'll help with this sore throat I have. Thanks!"

Or maybe if I shut up and stop blathering to strangers about my personal ailments and give my vocal cords a rest then this sore throat will go away.

The hot tea was soothing to my tender throat, but I think that is only because it was hot and not because it was ginger or peach. I don't really enjoy fruit flavored teas outside of lemon, and the peach flavor of this one was especially strong and noticeable. The few sips I took while waiting for a friend to meet me for dinner soothed my throat long enough to make our short bike ride to Lula Cafe a painless one though.

I do enjoy Republic of Tea teas, but next time I will stick with their green tea instead of reaching for anything with ginger in the title.

Rating: 2.5 / 5

Tylenol Daytime Cough & Sore Throat Liquid (8 FL oz.)

Item Purchased: Tylenol Daytime Cough & Sore Throat Liquid (8 FL oz.)
Location Purchased: Jewel / 1224 S. Wabash Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $4.99 + tax

Review: I'm not the type to reach for an aspirin when I have a headache or visit a doctor when I have a cold. I'm a proponent of strengthening the body so it can heal itself. However, I also understand that modern medicine is important. There are very good reasons why life expectancy is not as short as it used to be.

So, after a full week of suffering from a sore throat, I reached for an aid while my body continued the healing process.

The first thing that struck me about this liquid medicine was the taste. Not the syrupy 160-proof taste that winos crave, but an almost refreshing, minty taste that is easy to stomach. Next was the near-instant relief this elixir provided me. Only five minutes after swallowing the sappy blue substance, my sore throat was all but gone.

I do have two complaints though.

First, this medicine is supposed to be non-drowsy, but I felt like taking a nap shortly after the pain in my throat disappeared.

Second, the effects of the medicine only last about four hours and you are supposed to wait six hours between doses. This just means, of course, that I have been taking my doses two hours early.

Soon, I may be a cough-syrup wino, though I will have to find a different brand. Tylenol's cough syrup has no alcohol in it at all. So you won't even have to worry about the risk of addiction. But, if I do stick with this brand, my breath will be minty fresh and my throat will feel spectacular!

Rating: 3.75 / 5

Buy one at Amazon.com

Breathsavers Sugar Free Mints - Peppermint (12 ct.)

Item Purchased: Breathsavers Sugar Free Mints - Peppermint (12 ct.)
Location Purchased: BP Gas / 1221 S. Wabash / Chicago, IL
Price: $0.85 + tax

Review: I don't usually use breath mints or gum. The industry is a racket if you ask me. Bad breath caused by bacteria and rotting food or tooth enamel remedied by mints containing sugar and/or other chemicals that will only aid in rotting your teeth even more?

All that being said, I guess I can admit that I forgot to brush my teeth today before heading to work. Instead of making my coworkers and customers cringe, I bought these breath mints.

To the credit of the Hershey company (who manufactures Breathsavers), there is no sugar in these mints. There are several other ingredients with nefarious sounding names like sorbitol and polysorbinate though. I'm not sure what effect they will have on my teeth or future breath, but for now, they make it smell much better than my morning coffee does.

For a sugar-free product these mints have a pleasant taste without the plastic-like aftertaste of neutrasweet. The sugar substitute used in Breathsavers is called Nutrazin though. Likely a derivative of Neutrasweet that will probably give small mammals cancer. But hey...

...no aftertaste!

Rating: 3.25 / 5

Buy some mints at Amazon.com!

Oct. 29th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Camel Turkish Royal Cigarettes (Hardpack)
Review: (LINK)

Oct. 28th - Nothing Purchased Today

I think I might make it a point to buy absolutely nothing one day a week. Any and all of us have so much in this country. Most of us could live with far less. I'm not a religious man, so how about a weekly sabbath of my own to reflect on what I need and what I want?

This country wastes so much of what it consumes. If you don't believe me, check out this photo of a recent device known as the cell phone. Is there any reason there should be this many of any device from the last 20 years discarded already? Though the picture is captivating, the thought of it is disgusting to me. Look:



Click on the image to see the rest of Chris Jordan's frightening images.

Now think about everything you buy in a day. Maybe not cell phones. The little things. The coffee cups and hot dog wrappers. And think about where it all ends up. One day a week to not spend any money whatsoever. Try it. And let me know how it goes for you. For me, it's great. I get some reading done and have the pleasure of making my own coffee or dinner. Slow down a bit, it'll do you some good.

(Link originally found at BoingBoing.net. One of the best sites on the net!)

Pioneer DVR610A DVD/CD Writer

Item Purchased: Pioneer DVR610A DVD/CD Writer
Location Purchased: Videoguys.com
Price: $55 + shipping

Review: The DVD burner that came with my computer was an out-of-production Sony drive that was sold for cheap to all of the computer manufacturers and no longer supported by the company. Sometimes you can buy these drives off of ebay or other places for less than $20. There is a reason for this.

After only a few months of burning DVD media, the drive stopped burning DVD media. It would burn a sliver of media and then stop after a few minutes, giving me an error message. All this was okay since I could still burn CDs, but every once in a while, you have a larger job than 800 mb can handle. I work with audio and photo a lot and like to keep my computer free of unwanted clutter. Not to mention I am a neurotic organizer, so I felt naked without my ability to back up and copy large amounts of data.

Finally, I went shopping for a new DVDR drive. Originally, I was going to buy Pioneer's DVR-100 model when I came across this drive.

The DVR610A is the same drive as the DVR-100. The only difference is that it is bundled with less software. Something tells me that the software companies paid to have the DVR-100 advertised more prominently than the DVR610A because it took a bit of digging to find this drive. Every computer magazine that reviewed DVD writers placed the DVR-100 near the top of the list without even mentioning it's twin brother. Good thing I am such a frugal shopper and am willing to do my research when I buy a new product. Everywhere I looked, the DVR610A was nearly half the price of the DVR-100 model.

The performance of the drive is so-far so-good. It actually burns a bit faster than my Sony drive did. There is firmware and driver support easily accessible on Pioneer's website and the installation is as simplistic as it gets.

So, now that I can burn about 4.7GB of data in about 15 minutes or less, I am, once again, happy and my computer is once again free of clutter.

Rating: 4.5 / 5

Buy one! LINK

Crystal Farms Shredded Pizza Cheese (8 oz.)

Item Purchased: Crystal Farms Shredded Pizza Cheese (8 oz.)
Location Purchased: Jewel / 1224 S. Wabash Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.99 + tax

Review: I couldn't decide whether I wanted a cheddar omelette or a monterey jack omelette, so I decided to compromise and make a best-of-both-worlds omelette.

Unless I'm buying gourmet cheese, I don't really pay much attention to what I am buying, so this purchase was really a seat of the pants one. I saw a low-priced, pre-shredded, orange and white cheese and I threw it in my little basket before heading to the check out.

The cheese itself is actually pretty good. I always make it a point to try my cheese by itself before putting it into any of my food. That's exactly what I did with this cheese. Shoveling a pinchful of cheese shreds into my mouth, I noticed a slight bite to the flavor and also a slight sweetness (The ad copy on the website isn't just a cute little creation. There is some merit to it!).

How does it cook? Well, first off, this cheese actually melts when you heat it, not like some brands and styles of cheese (coughvelveetacoughamerica'schoicecough). The sweetness either disappears or is overshadowed by the other flavors you cook with, but the bite remains. That is how a cheese should be in my mind. The more bite the better. Though not ultra-sharp, Crystal Farms' pizza cheese gets my late-night-snack approval!

Rating: 3.5 / 5

Jewel Brand Whipped Butter (8 oz.)

Item Purchased: Jewel Brand Whipped Butter (8 oz.)
Location Purchased: Jewel / 1224 S. Wabash Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.45 + tax

Review: They always say "you can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs." Well, I beg to differ, because what if you use Egg Beaters?

I will contend that you can't make an omelette without greasing the frying pan first. Teflon be damned. I've scrubbed off so much burnt egg residue from Teflon pans in my day. You know what makes Teflon stick to the pan? Eggs! There's the answer to the eternal question. Alert Alex Trebec!

Of all the culinary lubricants on the market, I still prefer to cook with butter. And this particular tub of butter came into my possession because it was the most affordable. Sometimes I can't believe how much items from my home-state of America's Dairyland (Wisconsin) cost just a few miles south here in Chicago. Had I bought sticks of butter, it would have cost me nearly $6.00!

This butter is white in color, which is reassuring, because real butter isn't yellow. Yellow is the color of those shorteners and margarines that used to be good for your heart but are now bad for your heart. I like my heart disease as natural as I can get it please. And what better way to clog my arteries than good ol' mad-cow rendered butter?

Creamy and salty, just the way I like it, this whipped butter melted quickly and added the perfect flavor to the cheese omelette I made when I got home from work.

Rating: 3.75 / 5

Dozen Large Eggs - Jewel Brand

Item Purchased: Dozen Eggs - Jewel Brand
Location Purchased: Jewel / 1224 S. Wabash Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.79 + tax

Review: The worst thing about buying eggs from the bottom rack in the dairy freezers is having to root through a dozen or more cartons before finding a dozen uncracked eggs. I am not the type of person to mix and match. I'm sorry. I like to imagine that no one who shops at my local grocery store mixes and matches. I don't like to think of some stranger's grubby, snotty hands palming the eggs I am going to make my omelette with. So, I don't palm other people's eggs either, whether my hands are snotty or not. I know other customers of my local Jewel probably do mix and match their eggs, but just let me live in my happy delusional world, okay?

The worst thing about buying store brand eggs is that each egg yolk usually looks like it has chicken sperm floating in the middle of it. The chicken sperm is probably really a byproduct of the amalgamation of growth hormones the chickens were injected with while forced to live their short lives in cramped cages, pecking each other's eyes out.

I try not to let these factors gross me out too much, because as gross as it all is, eggs are still eggs. I mean think about what an egg is.

I'll give you a moment.

Still hungry for that omelette?

Yeah, me too.

I wish I could afford to buy organic eggs like all of the high-rise dwellers that live around me, but I can't. So until then, I'll stick with these tasty chicken placentas.

Just be sure to cook your eggs well, what with the avian flu and all.

Rating: 3.5 / 5

Bowl of Chili from Quiznos

Item Purchased: Bowl of Chili from Quiznos
Location Purchased: Quiznos / 1332 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.29 + tax

Review: At first glance, Quizno's Chili looks appetizing with the robust red beans, chunks of tomatoes and celery slices swimming throughout. Even the meat looks adequate amongst the red chili sauce, but when you bite into it, you realize it is no better than a step above the kind of pressed meat you find in T.V. dinners. There is no doubt in my mind that it is real beef (or at least sausage), but I'd be willing to be that the grade of said meat is not the highest on the market. Not that I want gourmet meat from a sandwich shop like Quiznos, but their sandwiches always taste fresh, so why can't the Chili?

The other noticeable factor in purchasing this bowl (read: styrofoam cup) of chili is that a cup size and a bowl size are not too much different. You will pay about a dollar more for a bowl than a cup and only receive about half that much more in Chili value.

A tasty snack for a warm day, but not spicy enough for my taste, and if you are going to buy, buy a cup.

Rating: 3 / 5


Note (12/07/2005): Okay, this shit has to stop. There is nothing in this area that's healthy or economical for a quick lunch break at the bookstore. Next week, I'm going to load up a shopping bag with food supplies for the entire week. I'm going to hunker down and take over a healthy portion of the refrigerator in the back office and treat it as if I was trapped in the Antarctic with limited rations. I'm sick of eating the same shit over and over again every Monday-Thursday. And it's not the same part that has me sick...it's the shit. This Sunday, I'm hitting the Trader Joe's or even the Jewel with a vengeance so I don't have to suffer this workaday existence with seran wrapped convenience food and fast-grilled grease bombs in my stomach.

Chocolate Chip Cookie from Caribou Coffee

Item Purchased: Chocolate Chip Cookie from Caribou Coffee
Location Purchased: Caribou Coffee / 1328 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.50 + tax

Review: Ever since Caribou hired on their new cook (no, seriously folks, the company hired one guy to oversee the production of all of their foodstuffs...I kid you not), I have been addicted to these discs of sin. I'm not sure what proof or type of alcohol or strand of nicotine is baked into this cookie's dough, but whatever it is, it keeps me coming back for more.

The dough of these cookies is always soft (probably from some kind of chemical preservative, but that just means that my body will be preserved, right?) and the chocolate chunks taste as if they were chipped from giant blocks of freshly made chocolate by tiny elves living inside of forest trees. I know what you are thinking. You're thinking "hey, that's some other brand of cookie!" No. That is some other brand of cookie's ad campaign. These cookies actually taste like they were made by elves inside trees. I bet you don't even know what that tastes like, do you? Don't lie to me. Just try one of these cookies and then you'll know. Then we can debate about elves and trees all you like. Until then, keep it down about the elves!

People will think you are crazy.

Note (12/05/2005): Even though I bought coffee at the grocery store so I wouldn't have to buy a new cup of coffee every day, I still find myself going down to Caribou to say hello to the people who work there. I consider them my friends. I have shared drinks with most of them. It's an odd thing to make friends due to being a regular in a store. And even though the friendship is no longer predicated on my purchase, I feel the need to support their workday and throw a tip in the cup. Not that I feel I am buying my friends, but they are in the same day-long predicament as me and if I can do something as minor as throw some change in their tip jar to make it easier, I am going to do it. Not as a requirement, but as a gesture of goodwill.

Rating: 4.5 / 5

Oct. 27th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Medium Coffee from Dunkin' Donuts
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Medium Caribou Coffee (Light Roast)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Brownberry Whole Grain Classics 12 Grain Bread (24 oz. loaf)
Review: (LINK)

Veggie Focaccia Sandwich from Caribou Coffee

Item Purchased: Veggie Focaccia Sandwich from Caribou Coffee
Location Purchased: Caribou Coffee / 1328 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $5.95 + tax

Review: I just couldn't take another 7-11 sandwich or stomach the grease of a polish sausage from Maxwell St. I needed something healthy for lunch today. Something packed with veggies, but not a salad. Something that would fill me up and leave a pleasant taste in my mouth, but not make me feel full.

Who knew that Tofurkey would be the answer?

That's right, I said Tofurkey!

The Veggie Focaccia Sandwich doesn't announce its presence, instead advertising the mozarella and havarti cheeses and sundried tomato pesto that are included as toppings. It actually took me a while to figure out that I was eating a tofu creation when I first tried this sandwich. Finally, I realized that the pesto and dried tomatoes atop the focaccia bread couldn't possibly be enough to categorize this item as "veggie." It was then I realized that bean curd defines this item.

The non-meat is "deli-sliced" and textured to look like a foamy turkey breast. Surprisingly, it tasted fantastic! Along with the bite of the cheeses, the overall taste of the sandwich would be enough to make it a workday staple in my diet if it were not for the price.

At $5.95 with no side to go along with it, I have to relegate Caribou's Vegetable Focaccia Sandwich to special-occasion status.

I do recommend this sandwich if you have the spare cash, though. Just be sure to warm it up a bit before eating, to draw out it's great flavors.

Rating: 4.25 / 5

Oct. 26th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Medium Dunkin' Donuts Coffee (Cream & Sugar)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Medium Caribou Coffee (Light Roast)
Review: (LINK)

Planters Smoked Almonds (1.5 oz tube)

Item Purchased: Planters Smoked Almonds (1.5 oz tube)
Location Purchased: 7-Eleven / 1350 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $0.99 + tax

Review: The Hebrews thought of the almond as a symbol of watchfulness and promise due to it's early bloom. The Chinese view the almond as a symbol of sadness and female beauty. Early Christian paintings often contain an almond shape cradling the image of the virgin Mary and baby Jesus. They have been used as a preventative measure against alcohol intoxication.

For me, eating almonds isn't so much a religious experience (though I do find myself often intoxicated by Chinese female beauty...but that is beside the point.

I eat almonds for two reasons. They taste good and are good for you.

Almonds are supposed to lower cholesterol and prevent heart disease if consumed on a regular basis. They are also a good source of nutritious protein. Unfortunately, when smoked and slathered with salt dust like the ones you find in these snack-size Planters bags, nearly all of the almond's health benefits are negated. But oooh, they taste good like this.

I try to eat raw almonds when available, but most convenience stores don't offer this choice. Convenience and health have always been opposed it seems.

So, until I get to my local health-food store where they charge and arm and a leg for naked almonds, these tasty sodium-filled alternatives will have to do.

Not that I'm complaining.

Rating: 4 / 5

Oct. 25th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Medium Dunkin' Donuts Coffee (Cream & Sugar)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: American Spirit Regular Filter Cigarettes (Hardpack)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased:7-Eleven Tuna Salad Sandwich
Review: (LINK)

Fieldcrest 1% Milk (1/2 gallon)

Item Purchased: Fieldcrest 1% Milk (1/2 gallon)
Location Purchased: Jewel / 1224 S. Wabash Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.59 + tax

Review: Do you remember getting those little birthday fact sheets that told you how much a gallon of milk cost the year you were born? Well, I think mine said something like $0.65. And now it is $2.59 for a half gallon? Are we fighting a war with cows somewhere? Did a dairy farmer take his government subsidies and purchase weapons of mass destruction?

Why the hell is milk so damn expensive nowadays.

Thankfully, all I use milk for is for making blueberry smoothies.

Skim has always tasted like water with talc mixed in to me and I was raised drinking gallons of 2% (back when we had peace with the bovine culture and it was affordable). So, in attempts to eat healthier, I have adopted 1% as my staple milk. And since I can't find Oberweis dairy products (made fresh without rBGH and bottled in recycled glass bottles) at my local Jewel, I just buy the cheapest brand, which happens to be Fieldcrest.

That doesn't really matter, because most of the milk out there is all the same rBGH sludge. Milk's kind of disgusting when you think about it anyway... I mean, isn't cow milk meant for cow babies? Maybe instead of shooting cows full of other blended up cows, we should feed them human breast milk? True symbiosis.

It's too bad that soy or rice milk just doesn't make good smoothies.

Rating: 2.5 / 5

Jewel Frozen Blueberries (40 oz)

Item Purchased: Jewel Frozen Blueberries (40 oz)
Location Purchased: Jewel / 1224 S. Wabash Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $8.59 + tax

Review: I love fruit, but whenever I buy it fresh, it seems to go rotten before I get a chance to eat it. Frozen berries may be my most indulgent grocery item. Pricey but oh so tasty.

Whether it's blending these up with some milk, yogurt and protein powder, or just dumping some in a bowl as a midnight snack, you can't go wrong with frozen blueberries.

Hell of a lot better than eating bon-bons or potato chips all the time.

Rating: 4 / 5

Horizon Organic Fat Free Vanilla Yogurt (32 oz)

Item Purchased: Horizon Organic Fat Free Vanilla Yogurt (32 oz)
Location Purchased: Jewel / 1224 S. Wabash Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.99 + tax

Review: I am not a big fan of Yogurt. Even the vanilla flavored stuff is kind of bitter and gross to me. I mean, you are eating live bacteria off of every single piece of food you put in your mouth all of the time, why would you want to put gobs of it in your mouth with nothing else to make the parasites taste good?

Yogurt is the frathouse goldfish of the breakfast bunch.

Horizon Organic is the tastiest of vanilla yogurts though, and I love making blueberry protein smoothies every morning to start off my day, so Horizon organic it is.

You may even find me, late at night putting this stuff atop a bowl of frozen berries.

Rating: 3.75 / 5

Nature's Valley High Potency Men's Formula Multivitamin (60 Tablets)

Item Purchased: Nature's Valley High Potency Men's Formula Multivitamin
Location Purchased: Jewel / 1224 S. Wabash Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $6.79 + tax

Review: Have you ever been to Nature's Valley? If you are going there anytime soon, would you bring me back a lobster or crab? According to the label on the jar of these multivitamins, they live there. It says right here in fine print that these multivitamins contain ingredients derived from shellfish. I imagine they have an in-ground swimming pool and have to have a Morton's representative come out every few weeks to replenish the salt content in the water.

Good thing I'm not a vegetarian. I'd be pissed.

As it stand, I am just a bit leery.

I bet you all thought I was some kind of cheet-o eatin' beer swillin' bachelor who doesn't own a t-shirt without a spaghetti sauce stain on it, didn't you? What with all of the junk food I've been reviewing since Consumatron started. Well, you're wrong. I'm simply a busy guy with two jobs and I plead that my schedule drives me to keep such a questionable diet. I do, however try and supplement this by taking my vitamins every day. Every day I take a multivitamin, Gingko Biloba, Ginseng and zinc. I also pop an occasional B-complex to keep my mind limber.

Shopping for vitamins is such a muddle to me. I never know what to buy. Why, when I was picking these out, I thought the "high potency" label on the jar had something to do with my sex drive. This almost prevented me from buying these vitamins, but then I thought "who cares if it is sexual potency they speak of? That's a good thing regardless, isn't it?" I mean a highly potent sex drive isn't such a bad thing for a man of 26, is it? Not that I have a problem anyway. I made sure that the pills inside the jar weren't small, blue and engraved with a "V" and proceeded to purchase them.

These horsepills not only contain shellfish, but smell like them when you sniff the jar-full. Not that concentrated vitamins ever smell good, but I've never smelled any like this. They taste like chalky sawdust too.

Next time, I'll spring for a more expensive, better smelling brand.

Unless, of course, the potency thing changes my sex-life for the better. Anyone want to volunteer for medical research?

Rating: 2.5 / 5

Oct. 24th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Medium Caribou Coffee (Light Roast)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Caribou Coffee Blueberry Muffin
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Planters Salted Peanuts (1.75 oz. tube)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: 7-Eleven Smoked Turkey & Jack Cheese Sandwich w/Southwest Mayonnaise
Review: (LINK)

Behringer HPX2000 High-Definition DJ Headphones

Item Purchased: Behringer HPX2000 High-Definition DJ Headphones
Location Purchased: MiniMax Electronics Inc. / 6 S. Michigan Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $24.99 + tax

Review: Nearly six months ago now, the cheap Memorex DJ headphones I used to DJ with ended up breaking. The entire right headphone snapped off and all of the padding came unglued so that when I used them, my left ear was sore after a good session of mixing.

A few times and several earaches since then, I came close to buying a pair of headphones that would have performed exceptionally and set me back nearly $200. Thankfully, I am cheap/poor/patient and found these Behringer 'phones for a fraction of the cost.

The specs on these headphones are nearly identical to the pricier ones I would have bought, had I been less patient. The frequency response is 20 Hz - 20 kHz, which is more than enough for what I do. They sound better than my (more expensive) Memorex headphones and seem to pick up more treble than they did. Plus, Behringer is a brand I have learned to trust since using a mixer made by them and being nothing but pleased.

The only drawback of these phones is that they are not isolated, which means if I were to use them with my iPod in public, everyone within a 20ft radius would be able to rock out to whatever it is I am currently listening to. Though I would love to see the people around me playing air violin to Shostakovich's 2nd symphony, somehow I don't think this would ever happen. Besides, I don't like taking bulky headphones with me unless absolutely necessary. Sure, a guy in DJ headphones may look cool walking down the street, bobbing his head, but I'd rather be cool than look cool. Also, when I am mobile, I like to be as mobile and streamlined as possible. Travel light, mix heavy, or something like that.

Rating: 4.25 / 5

Buy one: Consume!

Discwasher Digital Vinyl Care System

Item Purchased: Discwasher Digital Vinyl Care System
Location Purchased: MiniMax Electronics Inc. / 6 S. Michigan Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $19.99 + tax

Review: I've been collecting vinyl and DJing the massive crowds in my apartment for nearly a year now, so why has it taken me so long to drop $20 on a cleaning kit?

Answer: I'm lazy. I know it doesn't seem like I am a lazy person since I bring you heart-stoppingly interesting reviews every single day, but when it comes to common sense things like keeping things dust-free, I am a bum.

However, upon learning that there was a pretty great DJ/Electronics store right down the road from me, I decided to head up there and get it done.

Who knew $20 could buy a guy like me such listening pleasure. I mean, sure I enjoy the occasional crackle and pop while listening to vinyl (that's part of the charm), but some of my records have been purchased from Maxwell Street and/or thrift stores who aren't as anal as I am about media. You can imagine what running my turntable cartridge over a thick layer of dirt and spilled Coca-cola does to the listening experience.

Well, no more! with this simple kit, I can use the dry brush to wipe off stray dust or load the brush with the special D4 Cleaning Fluid for those tough to get out groove stains. No more needle jumping while I try and mix hip-hop beats and polka melodies together!

Rating: 4.25 / 5

Buy one: Consume!

Items To Be Reviewed On Mediatron

Item Purchased: Live: Henry Grimes Trio Ticket
Location Purchased: Hothouse / 31 E. Balbo / Chicago, IL
Price: $15.00
Review: Review will be up on Mediatron in a couple of days.

Tiffin Special Biryani

Item Purchased: Tiffin Special Biryani
Location Purchased: Tiffin / 2536 W Devon / Chicago, IL
Price: $13.95 + tax

Review: I just can't help it. Whenever I go to a restaurant that I know is highly reputed and serves lamb, I have to have it. The trouble is when I see that they also have seafood dishes. It is so seldom that a restaurant not specializing in seafood serves theirs tastefully and fresh. So, you can imagine the difficulty I had making up my mind while sitting inside of Tiffin, looking through their menu.

Then, like a voice from the sky, the menu spoke to me. It said, "Kevin, I see your conflict and feel your pain, so I will grant you three dishes. Three dishes in one! No longer will you have to torment yourself over which delicacy to masticate. Simply point to me when the waiter comes by and your troubles will be over."

Well, far be it from me to disagree with a voice from a menu. I mean, look at Joseph Smith Jr. and the golden plates! He founded a religion. I may be next!

Thus, I ordered the Tiffin Special Biryani and was fulfilled.

Soft basmati rice flavored with saffron and several other spices to set the sinuses agape. The best part, however, was the inclusion of not one, not two, but three different meats for my canines to rip and rend. First, the chicken came in generous cubes and chunks, nearly double the size of most stir-fry chicken you get around Chicago. Next came the delicious lamb meat, spiced with its very own flavor. Again, the pieces of meat were generous. Finally, nothing could have prepared me for what I uncovered in the mountain of rice next. Several of the largest de-tailed shrimp I have ever seen outside of a "seafood" restaurant. Split down the middle without any remnant of shrimp-doo, these shrimp were probably the best I have had outside of Portland Maine.

Go now, my fellow diners, and have a night on the town, a few glasses of wine and a delicious meal at one of Chicago's best Indian restaurants! With this cross-section of tastes, I feel confident that I could order anything from the Chicken, Lamb or Seafood menus here and be more than adequately pleased with what I receive.

Rating: 4.5 / 5

Achari Aloo from Tiffin

Item Purchased: Achari Aloo from Tiffin
Location Purchased: Tiffin / 2536 W Devon / Chicago, IL
Price: $10.75 + tax

Review: The bad thing about being a vegetarian in an Indian restaurant, is that you will fill up on more carbs in one meal than most people eat in a month. The good thing about being a vegetarian in an Indian restaurant is also that you will fill up on more carbs in one meal than most people eat in a month. I am not a vegetarian and love my lamb, but even so, I filled up on more carbs than most people eat in a month. Michelle, however, is a vegetarian and walked out of the restaurant feeling like a potato.

Which is exactly what the Achari Aloo feels like. Of course, that is because Achari Aloo is mostly potato. Elegantly prepared potato with chili, garlic, more chili and several other spices. There is even a faint hint of mint flavor at the bottom of it all, but you will have to taste for it fast, because once you start eating this dish, your mouth sets aflame. The potatoes are boiled to a soft and manageable consistency and are served with an order of raita to help cool your taste buds.

Throughout the entire water-guzzling meal, the delicious taste never wavers and is never drowned out.

Highly recommended Indian dish for vegetarians or people who love their potatos. My advice is skip the samosa if you plan on ordering this dish though. There are only so many potatoes one person can ingest before exploding. And you will eat until you explode because Tiffin's cooks are just that good!

Rating: 4.5 / 5

Naan from Tiffin

Item Purchased: Naan from Tiffin
Location Purchased: Tiffin / 2536 W Devon / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.95 + tax

Review: A modest order of Indian flatbread to accompany and quell the spice of the curry. Brown, bubbly and crisp on the outside. Soft, doughy and slightly sweet on the inside.

Tiffin's naan tears easily and tastes great with any of their dishes slathered on or in it. There is even a slight nutty taste to the bread which makes it taste delicious even if you only dip it in the simple Raita sauce.

Rating: 4 / 5

Samosa from Tiffin

Item Purchased: Samosa from Tiffin
Location Purchased: Tiffin / 2536 W Devon / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.95 + tax

Review: Along with Viceroy of India, Tiffin is one of the two best Indian restaurants that I have eaten at in Chicago. Everything I try at either restaurant, I compare to the other's.

In the case of samosas, Tiffin wins by a nose. A nose that begins to run after the second or third bite. Fried for just the right amount of time, Tiffin's samosas crackle and melt on the palette. The fine mixture of potato, peas and curry warm one from the inside out and before your meal arrives, you are reaching for the last sip of Kingfisher to enhance what is left of the flavor in your mouth.

One order at Tiffin gets you two large samosas which puts them squarely at $2.00 each.

That may seem pricey, but on Devon (and especially at Tiffin), this is well worth it.

Rating: 4.5 / 5

Miller Lite (Bottle)

Item Purchased: Miller Lite (bottle)
Location Purchased: Tiffin / 2536 W Devon / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.50 + tax

Review: It's hard for me to review something I grew up smelling from Highway 94 in Milwaukee. Miller products remind me of vats of urine-scented yeast heating and filling the air with its foul, yet alluring smell.

Since I don't have a beer gut anymore or yet, I don't drink Lite beer very often. I will say that Miller Lite is the most flavorful of the diet brews that I have tasted though. "The Chai-Tea of Brew!" That should be Miller's new slogan.

Beware, though... for if you drink Miller Lite, you must drink it ice cold, otherwise it ends up tasting like urine.

Let us also not forget the price as an important factor when considering a young person's desire to unwind or tank himself. Pure economy for tainted times!

Hey, that might be another great slogan for Miller!

I'll be looking for my check in the mail, Milwaukee!

And I probably won't spend it on your product.

Rating: .75 / 5

Kingfisher Premium Lager (Bottle)

Item Purchased: Kingfisher Premium Lager (Bottle)
Location Purchased: Tiffin / 2536 W Devon / Chicago, IL
Price: $4.50 + tax

Review: Indian Lagers tend to have a subtle sweetness to them. Kingfisher is no different. Underneath the sweetness is the bitter and hoppy taste that all great beer must contain in moderation.

In my book, sweet beers (even subtle ones) are not the kind of libations for hanging out on the weekends, watching sports and drinking, but Kingfisher is a perfect compliment to a meal of spicy Indian food.

While Kingfisher is not my favorite beer, it is an enjoyable drink that I would purchase again to accompany my favorite cuisine.

Rating: 4 / 5

Everything Bagel W/ Veggie Cream Cheese

Item Purchased: Everything Bagel w/Veggie Cream Cheese
Location Purchased: Dunkin' Donuts / Brown Line CTA - Western Stop / 4645-49 N. Western Avenue / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.29 + tax

Review: Everything bagels. False advertising! Where are the blueberries? Where are the onions? Where is the cinnamon?

Despite the false advertising, the everything bagel is my favorite selection from the wire bins behind every Dunkin' Donuts counter. Tough and spongy, like every bagel available there, yet spiced and salted to convenience store perfection.

The veggie cream cheese should probably just be called fatty veggie cream. Mostly cream cheese with a few onions and peppers. Not the healthiest spread option, but probably the healthiest you'll find among your morning coffee and fritters.

Rating: 3.75 / 5

Oct. 23rd - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Camel Turkish Royal Cigarettes (Hardpack)
Review: (LINK)

Bacon, Egg & Cheese Breakfast Sandwich on Poppy-Seed Bagel from Dunkin' Donuts

Item Purchased: Bacon, Egg & Cheese Breakfast Sandwich on Poppy-Seed Bagel from Dunkin' Donuts
Location Purchased: Dunkin' Donuts / 1231 S. Wabash / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.10 + tax (meal deal price)

Review: I'm really not sure how I made it through last winter alive because I ate one of these microwaved monstrosities almost every morning.

The cheese used on these sandwiches is a bulk slice of American (read: highly processed) cheese not too far removed from Velveeta. The bacon is in question as to whether or not it is actually bacon or simply strips of the scientific wonder-food that they make Bac-Os from. Finally, the egg…

…oh the egg!

If you can call it that. The all-white square egg patty resembles an aged and soggy sponge on its last legs. Porous and tasteless, this thin white faux-poach may just be the end of me.

All of the ingredients are microwaved separately upon small styrofoam trays, piled on a perfectly acceptable Dunkin' Donuts bagel. Then, after the sandwich is formed, the entire creation is thrown into a microwave once again and served to you steaming and chewy.

All this being said, I seem to have acquired a taste for this disgusting miracle of convenience. Ultimately, I am ashamed of myself for this culinary transgression, and hardly would fathom to recommend one to even an enemy of mine, but they are an acquired taste. I guess what I am trying to say is once you try one, there is no turning back. Much like Dunkin' Donuts' coffee, you will find yourself crawling out of bed and down the block again and again to put a fist sized meal with zero nutritional value in your stomach. The passage from your mouth to your bowels will glow with microwave warmth long after you have swallowed the last bite. I suppose, after falling dependent on these morning (or any time) snacks, you will wake up 20 years from now wondering where that gut came from and why, despite your active lifestyle, you crave microwave poached eggs and soggy bacon flavored cardboard.

Despite all of this, my only real complaint is that my Dunkin' Donuts location was out of my staple Everything Bagel.

Don't view this as a negative review, but rather a cautionary review.

Rating: 3.5 / 5

Cheddar Fries from South Loop Club

Item Purchased: Cheddar Fries from South Loop Club
Location Purchased: South Loop Club / 1 E. Balbo / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.50 + tax

Review: Cheap freezer-section curly fries with cheap faux-cheddar cheese dip (you know the kind that is spelled "cheeze" on the label).

Not that cheap is bad, mind you.

Deep fried, cheesy (cheezy?) goodness is the perfect supplement for a beer and conversation after work. Nothing about this order stands out from an order of the same in any other bar in any other city, but these are the munching sessions that you look back upon fondly, remembering the friends who may have exited stage left or may still be around, but have changed somehow.

Sometimes it's the simple things that put you in the right mindset.

Rating: 3.75 / 5

Carlsberg Beer (12 fl. oz.)

Item Purchased: Carlsberg Beer (12 fl. oz.)
Location Purchased: South Loop Club / 1 E. Balbo / Chicago, IL
Price: $4.50 + tax

Review: Carlsberg advertises itself as "probably the best beer in the world." While I admire the drunken braggadocio of it all, I'm here to say that it is probably not.

Though I like Carlsberg, I must admit it is not too far removed from the Heineken family of beers. Light and refreshing...not too bitter. The way anything from Europe should be (German techno music, take note!). Perhaps the fact that this beer is from Denmark and not the clubs of Berlin, accounts for the demeanor of this enjoyable beer. Isn't Denmark the home of tulips, wooden shoes and cute blonde girls with chubby red cheeks and pigtails? How could a bitter or otherwise bad beer come from a place like this.

But best beer?

Sorry Denmark, keep sending us those tulips and the cute little decorative wooden shoes to hang on our walls like my parents had when I was a wee one. I wouldn't throw your beer out of bed or a glass, but there's nothing esophagus-numbing about it to push it into my top three. I would place it above Heineken though.


Rating: 4 / 5

Oct. 22 - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Medium Dunkin' Donuts Coffee (Cream & Sugar)
Location Purchased: Dunkin' Donuts / 1231 S. Wabash / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.39 + tax
Review: (LINK)

-

Item Purchased: Camel Turkish Royal Cigarettes (Hardpack)
Location Purchased: BP Gas / 1221 S. Wabash / Chicago, IL
Price: $6.13 w/tax
Review: (LINK)

Oct. 21st - Nothing Bought!

Today, I didn't buy anything. Not one coffee or pack of cigarettes. Not a bus pass...nothing. I survived on what I had and what I could get for free. I could probably do this several days a week. A testament to how much we all overspend in this country.

Look at it as a preparation for Buy Nothing Day 2005!

Participate by not participating in your "economic duty!"

Pad Woonsen from Thai Bowl

Item Purchased: Pad Woonsen from Thai Bowl
Location Purchased: Thai Bowl / 1049 W. Taylor St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $6.95 + tax

Review: Pad Woonsen Stir-fried glass noodles with shrimp, crab meat, onion, garlic, sprout & egg.

What's the best nation in the world? "Imi-tation!" Okay, so that's not quite right, but I am convinced that that is what the chef at Thai Bowl thinks when adding crab meat to one of their dishes because that's what I got.

I wasn't expecting much at $6.95. That's why you eat Thai food here in Chicago, because it is everywhere and it is cheap. If you are going to advertise crab meat, though, I expect crab meat! Don't give me some crawdad-flavored fruit roll-up and expect me not to notice! Crab meat doesn't have ridges like potato chips and the red coloring on the substance they call meat looks like a nine-year old attempting his first graffiti tag with a can of v-8. Seriously folks, I would rather have one or two small pieces of real crab meat than the generous spattering of rubber they gave me. I know seafood is expensive. I'm not asking for gourmet. I'm asking for truth in advertising.

To Thai Bowl's credit, the rest of the dish was great. I am a fan of glass noodles, but if you over-cook them, they fall apart and are no good. If you undercook them, the consistency is like that of a brand new bicycle tube. These were just right. All of the vegetables were fresh and crunchy (I even ate all of the onions, which I usually leave for the rats).

Finally, they redeemed themselves a bit on the seafood front with the shrimp. I only got three full shrimp, but unlike the crap-meat, these shrimp were real. Not only were they real, but sizeable too. This surprised me. And though it was a nice gesture, Thai Bowl still loses points for the crab.

There is nothing special about this Thai restaurant. It's like any other Thai place in the city. You don't go to Thai Bowl because the food is special. You go because it is close. So, don't go out of your way to make a trip to Thai Bowl...

...unless you want to buy me lunch, then I will take anything but the Pad Woonsen.

Rating: 2.5 / 5

Caribou Coffee Medium Hot Cocoa

Item Purchased: Medium Hot Cocoa
Location Purchased: Caribou Coffee / 1328 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.65 + tax

Review: I didn't actually drink this cocoa so I suppose it will be a bit difficult to review. I actually bought the cocoa for my manager at work. Not because I wanted to suck up to him, but because it was a nice and friendly thing to do as we were starting our day with a cigarette and hot drink. Also because he got my coffee for me last time we went to Caribou together.

Since I can't comment on the chocolatey taste, I will then comment on the ridiculous price of cocoa these days.

Not to sound like an old man, but I remember when you could get a sizable cup of cocoa with a mound of thick whipped cream on top for less than a dollar. A can of Quik cost a buck and a nickel (and I'm talking about the metal cans, not those cheap plastic imitations you pay five dollars for now).

My point is this: $2.65 for one cup of hot chocolate?!? Are you out of your mind? Drop the profit margin with the price and tip your barista a few more coins instead.

Of course, I drink their coffee every day and we all know that coffee is to coffee shops what popcorn is to movie theaters...a CASH COW! Um.. I think I'm confused now.

Rating: 2 / 5

Oct. 20th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Medium Caribou Coffee (Light Roast)
Location Purchased: Caribou Coffee / 1328 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.65 + tax
Review: (LINK)

-

Item Purchased: Caribou Coffee Blueberry Muffin
Location Purchased: Caribou Coffee / 1328 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.95 + tax
Review: (LINK)

Potbelly Wreck Sandwich w/provolone

Item Purchased: Potbelly Wreck Sandwich w/provolone
Location Purchased: Potbelly Sandwich Works / 277 E. Ontario / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.89 + tax

Review: According to dictionary.com

wreck n.
1. The act of wrecking or the state of being wrecked; destruction.
2. Accidental destruction of a ship; a shipwreck.
3.
a. The stranded hulk of a severely damaged ship.
B. Fragments of a ship or its cargo cast ashore by the sea after a shipwreck; wreckage.
4.The remains of something that has been wrecked or ruined.
5. Something shattered or dilapidated.
6. A person who is physically or mentally broken down or worn out.

According to the Potbelly Sandwich Works menu:

Wreck: Salami, Roast Beef, Turkey & Ham With Swiss Cheese

Now, I'm not sure which one to trust, because on one hand, I've grown up thinking that the definition of a word in the English language should be found in the dictionary. However, on the menu, there is a small trademark symbol (the circle-R one). Does this mean that Potbelly Sandwich Works has usurped the very definition of the word "wreck" to make it mean a tasty sandwich? Does this mean that every time that unstable person you are dating for the sex announces "I'm a wreck!," you can collect a determined amount of money in order to cut a check to Potbelly's? Any legal assistance on this matter should be directed my way. In the meantime, I am going to register trademarks for the words "a," "an," "and" and "the."

As for the sandwich itself, it was damn tasty, as always to be expected at a potbelly's joint. Ask for provolone instead of Swiss though, because their Swiss has been skunky a couple of times I have visited. Just a fair warning. For a quick cheap and hearty sandwich though, I recommend Potbelly.

Rating: 4 / 5

Au Bon Pain Blueberry Muffin

Item Purchased: Au Bon Pain Blueberry Muffin
Location Purchased: Au Bon Pain / Northwestern Memorial Hospital / 251 E. Huron / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.69 + tax

Review: Though scads better than their coffee, I don't know if this single muffin is any better than the ones that come in packs of six at your local grocery for about the same price.

Extra point awarded for the nostalgia incorporated by the droopy, flat oversized edges of the muffin. A bit like a child's initial attempt at making a batch with the sugary, slightly burnt dough drips hanging off the sides.

Not as bad as, say Starbucks' bakery. Yet much is to be desired by restaurants and bakeries who try and replicate French culinary culture for the busy individual on the go.

Rating: 1.75 / 5

Small Coffee (Café Roast)

Item Purchased: Small Coffee (Café Roast)
Location Purchased: Au Bon Pain / Northwestern Memorial Hospital / 251 E. Huron / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.39 + tax

Review: I could have made a better cup of coffee with a bag of pre-ground Folgers left open in a backpack full of rotting apples on a camping trip over a small pit fire.

At least if I had done that, there would have been some weight to this coffee. As it stands, this was what I imagine coffee flavored tea to taste like. Watery and brown, no amount of sugar was able to save this reviewer from utter disappointment. Fake French bakeries deserve a few seconds of your time… as you walk on by and find the next dup of coffee on the way to do whatever it is you do.

Rating: 0.25 / 5

Oct. 19th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Crystal Geyser Alpine Spring Water (16.9 oz bottle)
Location Purchased: Potbelly Sandwich Works / 277 E. Ontario / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.29 + tax

Review: (updated) (LINK)

Ben & Jerry's Butter Pecan Ice Cream (1 pint)

Item Purchased: Ben & Jerry's Butter Pecan Ice Cream (1 pint)
Location Purchased: Jewel / 1224 S. Wabash Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.99 + tax

Review: Okay…I know what you are thinking. "Enough with the ice cream man!"

I agree.

The winter is coming and I need to start watching what I eat so I don't balloon up like Violet in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

But after the Dreamery Ice Cream fiasco, I had to have a taste of the real stuff. I didn't even finish the Dreamery pints. I just washed them down the drain with hot water.

Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream, the best hippie invention since the concept of free love, has to be at the top of my dessert list.

This pint of creamy frozen euphoria had only two ingredients listed on the container that I couldn't identify. Go ahead, try and find another product in your local grocery store that you can make the same claim about. I dare ya!

Additionaly, Ben and Jerry suppor several charitable causes and only work with milk and cream suppliers who pledge not to treat their cows with Recombinant Bovine Growth Hormone. This can't be anything but a good thing.

The ice cream is creamy and delicious and you can taste both butter and pecan in each bite rather than just an overbearing sugar taste with nutty chunks scattered throughout.

I am not going to be buying any more ice cream for a while (I may even start doing some push-ups or crunches each morning to stave off the winter laziness), but when I do, I will certainly reach for B&J first.

Rating: 4.5 / 5

Quiznos Honey Mustard Chicken Salad

Item Purchased: Quiznos Honey Mustard Chicken Salad
Location Purchased: Quiznos / 1332 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $5.39 + tax

Review: I can visualize it in my head. Hundreds of busy, over-wroked people without the free-time to attend a gym breaking for lunch and thinking to themselves, I need to get something healthy for lunch today. Ooh! I know! A salad! Then they rush off in that speedwalking gait they have perfected while being some CEO's lapdog and duck into their local Quiznos for one of these tasty salads.

Something healthy, they are not.

Tasty isn't how I would describe them to a friend either.

Lucky for me, I wasn't trying to be especially healthy today. I happen to like salads. Not to mention, I get sick of the pre-packaged sandwich fare at 7-Eleven quite fast.

Most of the time, when I eat a salad, I am looking for a healthy, refreshing and stark tasting experience. Light dressings such as vinegrettes suit me. The addition of nuts and fruits are always nice. Finally, a few shavings of strong cheese such as gouda or bleu help to add the finishing touch.

The finish with this salad is when the ingredients touch your stomach and all of the synapses fire in your brain, making you realize the colorific meat-bomb you have just eaten.

It starts out honerably enough. A triangular Quiznos tray with some mixed greens and cherry tomatoes. The veil of lean-looking chicken and cheese slowly warms inside of the conveyor-belt oven. Then, after your consumer relationship has been consummated with a receipt, your future meal reveals the hideousness of its contents.

First, the cheese, which looks so tasty in the ad, is a sweaty half-melted slice of cheddar that looks and feels like wax. The waxy orange layer is pocked with bacon bits that could double as chew toys for a Lilliputian puppy. The chicken tastes as if it is made from bologna scraps and has the consistency of soggy paper mache. Finally, the honey mustard dressing has the look and feel of bottled acrylic paint. All of this should be enough to make you lose your appetite and actually have a healthier lunch by not eating this abomination.

I don't have the exact nutritional stats in front of me, but I am willing to bet that some of Quiznos' sandwiches are less prone to clogging an artery than this undercover fat-sundae.

Rating: 2 / 5

Oct. 18th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Medium Caribou Coffee (Light Roast)
Location Purchased: Caribou Coffee / 1328 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.65 + tax
Review: (LINK)

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Item Purchased: Caribou Coffee Blueberry Muffin
Location Purchased: Caribou Coffee / 1328 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.95 + tax
Review: (LINK)

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Item Purchased: Morningstar Farms Grillers Vegan Veggie Burgers (4 ct.)
Location Purchased: Jewel / 1224 S. Wabash Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.99 + tax
Review: (LINK)

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Item Purchased: Brownberry Whole Grain Classics 12 Grain Bread (24 oz. loaf)
Location Purchased: Jewel / 1224 S. Wabash Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.19 + tax
Review: (LINK)

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Item Purchased: Drum Rolling Tobacco (40 gr.)
Location Purchased: 7-Eleven / 1350 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.65 + tax
Review: (LINK)

Oct. 17th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: American Spirit Regular Filter Cigarettes (Hardpack)
Location Purchased: 7-Eleven / 1350 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $7.25 w/tax
Review: (LINK)

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Item Purchased: Medium Caribou Coffee (Light Roast)
Location Purchased: Caribou Coffee / 1328 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.65 + tax
Review: (LINK)

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Item Purchased: Planters Seasonuts Heat Peanuts (small tube)
Location Purchased: 7-Eleven / 1350 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $0.50 + tax
Review: (LINK)

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Item Purchased: 7-Eleven Smoked Turkey & Jack Cheese Sandwich w/Southwest Mayonnaise
Location Purchased: 7-Eleven / 1350 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.49 + tax
Review: (LINK)

Home Run Inn Sausage Pizza (8 oz.)

Item Purchased: Home Run Inn Sausage Pizza (8 oz.)
Location Purchased: Jewel / 1224 S. Wabash Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.50 + tax

Review: Another frozen pizza like the previously reviewed Four Cheese Pizza. This time, however, I made it in the oven instead of in the microwave. With something in my stomach, I was afforded the virtue of patience and I must say that it paid off. A much better experience the second time around with a mildly buttery crust, crisp cheese bubbles and a hint of spice in the sausage. Again, Home Run Inn pizza gets the job done, but you can do better. And you can do it easier.

Rating: 3.25 / 5

Home Run Inn Four Cheese Pizza (7 oz)

Item Purchased: Home Run Inn Four Cheese Pizza (7 oz)
Location Purchased: Jewel / 1224 S. Wabash Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.50 + tax

Review: Though I had enough pocket cash to buy a coffee and sandwich today at work, I forgot my wallet at home and thus wasn't able to eat anything else the entire day. On the way home I discovered that my forgotten wallet was actually tucked in the bottom of my backpack. So with an empty stomach, I ran desperately into Jewel on the way home and bought two pizzas. Before even taking my headphones off, I threw this tiny personal meal into the microwave. There is nothing worse in the world of pizza than a microwaved one. Circumstances being what they were, this pizza wasn’t half bad.

Though soggy from the microwave, the four cheese wasn't too coagulated and rubbery as most frozen pizzas tend to be and I was able to enjoy the scarfing session that ensued. The packaging proclaims that this is the finest pizza since 1947. If this is the case, I suppose I can see why elderly people are always talking about the good ol' days. If they haven't been able to find a better pizza than this for 58 years, I feel for them. I really do. Luckily, there are several pizzas in this world (and especially here in the city of Chicago) that I have been lucky enough to try. Maybe not better frozen pizzas for this price. Perhaps the word frozen is written on the package in ultra-fine print. Someday I will check. But in these dire, empty-stomached times, Home Run Inn does the trick.

I will buy this brand of pizza again in the future. Let's just hope that it is not the near future.

Rating: 3 / 5

Barbecue Chicken Pizza

Item Purchased: Barbecue Chicken Pizza
Location Purchased: Pick Me Up Café / 3408 N. Clark St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $8.00 + tax

Review: I bought this pizza for my friend Brendan because,

A. He only had three dollars on his person.

And

B. He's given me so much free coffee and refills and general friendship, that an $8 pizza didn't seem like a big deal.

And it wasn't a big deal. The Purchase or the pizza.

I'm not saying the pizza was bad. After all, it's pretty hard to screw up cheese, chicken and barbecue sauce. The only stand-out feature about this 9-inch personal pizza is that the crust is made out of a tortilla shell instead of a regular doughy crust. Now, I don't know about you, but here in Chicago, we like our pizza thick and doughy. So it is my opinion that if you are just going to throw some sauce and toppings on a tortilla shell, the price should drop instead of raise. It is only pizza after all. Good pizza, but pizza nonetheless.

My advice. Stay away from the personal pizzas at Pick Me Up. They are not bad, but their menu has so many better options for equal or less of the price.

Rating: 3.25 / 5

Swiss, Bacon & Green Pepper Omelette

Item Purchased: Swiss, Bacon & Green Pepper Omelette
Location Purchased: Pick Me Up Café / 3408 N. Clark St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $7.00 + tax

Review: The Pick Me Up Café is nestled on the south end of Wrigleyville. The concert venue from which we were walking at 3:00 AM in the morning is on the north side of Wrigleyville. Suffice it to say, the walk down Clark St. was an interesting experience of Frat Boys, sorostitutes, Dave Matthew's Band fanatics and other drunken college products. Inside the Pick Me Up, however, is a fine cross-section of all walks of Chicago 20-something life.

The prices on this all-night diner's menu seem a bit high at first glance, and it is not the ideal option for a post-concert bite to eat, but the food you get here is voluminous and flavoful enough to satisfy most. Not to mention that the menu is loaded with healthy vegetarian options for you late-night herbivores.

My omelette was of the build-your-own variety. Three eggs and three ingredients for only $7.00. In addition to the egg soufflet, you also get a helping of home fries and your choice of toast or a bagel. I opted for an onion bagel. The home fries seemed to be heavily spiced, but still tasted a bit bland while my bagel was fresh and tasted good, but could have been left in the toaster for a bit longer. The omelette, on the other hand, tasted fresh, without too much grill grease dripping from it. The cheese was of a higher quality than most breakfast places I frequent, the bacon was crisp and the green peppers were diced to the perfect size. All in all, a fairly decent meal at three-o-clock in the morning. I still think it was a bit too much to pay without a cup of coffee included, but I would go back for this meal again.

As long as I don't have to walk past John Barleycorn's again and smell the stench of bad cologne and sweaty drunk cheerleaders.

Rating: 3.75 / 5

Oct. 16th - Purchases For Future Review On Mediatron

Music

Artist: Dirty Three
Title: Cinder
Label: Touch & Go
Year: 2005
Location Purchased: Metro Merch Table
Price: $10.00

Buy this album at Insound.com: CD | LP

This item is slated to be reviewed on Mediatron in the near future.

Crystal Geyser Alpine Spring Water (16.9 oz bottle)

Item Purchased: Crystal Geyser Alpine Spring Water (16.9 oz bottle)
Location Purchased: Metro / 3730 N. Clark / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.00

Review: I rarely buy bottled water. I have participated in consumer studies of bottle water where I had to bullshit my way through taste tests and critiques of the different brands out there just to receive $100 for an hour and a half of my time. I have also seen the segment on the great cable television show, Penn & Teller's Bullshit all about debunking bottled water huckstery. And boy, it certainly is. Most of these bottled water companies simply give a flashy name to what is actually just tap water. Read the labels people. The fine print is often misleading, but all the information you need is there. You are drinking the same tap-water that comes out of your kitchen sink.

That is exactly where I get my drinking water from most of the time. The tap. I grew up in Milwaukee, WI where the great cryptosporidum scare originated. My insides are as tough as nails. Yes, it took me a while to get used to the chlorine-heavy taste of Chicago tap water, but get used to it I did and why in the world would I want to pay a second time for something I pay for already through taxation?

Sometimes though, if I am out and about without a water fountain in sight, I do spend my hard-earned cash on bottled water. Or in this case, get raped for bottled tap water! I was at a concert, sure, but $3 dollars for what amounts to a coffe cup and a half of some other state's bacteria-laden tap water? I suppose it's my fault for not wanting to suck down another beer. Damn healthy living all to hell!

Bottled water. Don't be fooled. Stay away from it! Or just stock up on it until the public health in this country really goes to hell. When people's skin starts rotting off due to tap water…that's when I'll start drinking from a bottle. Until then, my insides are going to keep fighting and increasing their strength against every day substances like water.

Update (10/19/05): Again, forced to buy bottled water. No matter how much I asked the counter people for a little cup of tap water, they refused. What a gyp. Money for the homeless, food for the hungry, but no water for the thirsty. I can't even imagine being a starving person trying to find something to eat and finding out that in certain areas of this city, you can't get a drink of water without spending a buck and a half.

Rating: 0.25 / 5

Buy this product at Amazon.com

American Spirit Regular Filter Cigarettes (Hardpack)

Item Purchased: American Spirit Regular Filter Cigarettes (Hardpack)
Location Purchased: Nondescript Wicker Park Convenience Store / Chicago, IL
Price: $6.50 w/tax

Review: American Spirit cigarettes are my #1 cigarette of choice for several reasons. First, they use less additives than most other cigarette brands which makes them taste better and last longer. I'm not going to pretend that I am healthier because I smoke American Spirits. All cigarettes contribute to mounting health problems and you should not smoke at all. I do smoke though, and it's nice to know that there are at least 400 fewer chemicals in my smoke than a pack of Camels or Marlboro. I would love to see a report about how many chemicals are added to their filters though.

Secondly, as I stated above, American Spirit cigarettes burn longer than any other cigarette. This makes it easy to cut down on the number of cigarettes I smoke per day and enjoy the ritualistic aspects of smoking more thoroughly. As all of my smoker friends are lighting up their second or third cigarette of the evening, I am just finishing my first, working on my smoke-ring technique.

Another fine reason that those of us who are slowly killing our lungs may want to smoke American Spirits, is because of their social and environmental conscience. Not only do they offer several organically grown alternatives to their regular natural tobacco lines, but they work hard at preserving native american culture and tout tradition, respect and moderation of tobacco use. Many of their proceeds go toward supporting Native American foundations and causes. Also, their advertising campaigns are geared toward smokers over 21 years of age. No lovable cartoon mascots or subversive teen marketing will ever be found in their ads. Most ads are clear and informative and each package of cigarettes they produce has the message "Sales to Minors Prohibited" printed on it.

I admit that all of this does not redeem them from making money off of an addictive and dangerous product, but sometimes the token gestures are nice, and it is apparent that they try a bit harder than many of the larger Tobacco corporations.

Though packs of American Spirit Cigarettes tend to cost between $.50 and $2.00 more than other brands, it is these reasons and several others that I choose to give more of my smoking money to the Santa Fe Natural Tobacco Company…

…at least until I turn 30 and quit smoking for good.

Note (01/05/06): Having made a promise to myself to not buy a full pack of cigarettes until the weekend, I went into full-on lawyer mode and split a pack of cigarettes with my co-worker Pete. So, your honor, if you examine the evidence I have submitted, Kevin did not buy a full pack of cigarettes before tomorrow... he bought a half pack of cigarettes. Therefore, I move to have this case dismissed.

Rating: 5 / 5

Cab Ride From Wicker Park To The Metro

Item Purchased: Cab Ride From Wicker Park To The Metro
Location Purchased: Wicker Park / Streets of Chicago, IL
Price: $14.00

Review: Our cab driver endeared himself to me with his cocky attitude toward the lost tourist asking for directions from his car window.

"I've got a question for you!" The burly tourist announced.

"I've got answers!" replied our cabbie. He then sent the lost soul on his way and continued taking us to the Metro.

It made me wonder if our driver had ever worked for Radio Shack in his past. Modifying and using their slogan without a beat was a nice touch.

There are two factors I take into consideration while critiquing a cab driver. First, whether or not he is able to recognize our destination without an exact address or specific directions. Second, whether or not he is courteous of bicyclists while careening through the streets of Chicago. There are other factors that come up that will change my mind about a cab driver, but they are more the exception than the general rule.

Since we didn't encounter any bikes on our way to the concert venue and the cabbie knew exactly how to get there without taking some meter-running, roundabout way, this ride was uneventful and smooth. Very little small talk was made and my friend Josh and I got to the Dirty Three concert in time to catch a few songs from the opening band, Freakwater, so this time around in a motorcage gets a 4.5. I have high expectations for a perfect 5 and there was no extra effort from the cabbie. And that's okay, because everything else was great.

Rating: 4.5 / 5

Oct. 15th - Purchases For Future Review on Mediatron

Live Entertainment

Performer: Dirty Three
Venue: Metro
Price: $16.00
Date: 10/15/05

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This event is slated to be reviewed on Mediatron in the near future.

Nachos Appetizer Plate (South Loop Club)

Item Purchased: Nachos Appetizer Plate
Location Purchased: South Loop Club / 1 E. Balbo / Chicago, IL
Price: $5.50 + tax

Review: South Loop Club has some great food. Unfortunately, this is not the case with their nachos. I'm not that picky, and nachos are pretty hard to F up. Though not completely bad, these nachos were just too plain for the price paid. Skimpy on everything, including the velveeta-like cheese. The menu at South Loop also mentions Hot Jardinaire. Jardinaire, or "Jardiniere" is defined by dictionary.com as:

1. A large decorative stand or pot for plants or flowers.
Or
2. Diced, cooked vegetables served as a garnish with meat.

As far as I could see, this appetizer came with neither. They were served on a flat ceramic plate and came with several raw veggies on top.

I hear the owners are Greek though, so I guess I can't fault them on their bad french translation.

The only saving grace is the inclusion and sparse sprinkling of little tangy carrot-looking things. I'm not sure if these are a kind of pepper or a kind of carrot, but I was sure to scoop as many of them onto my tortillas as I could before my friends took them.

All in all, the nachos were too little for too much. Stick to the South Loop's delicious wraps and other fried food fare. Not to mention their extensive beer list.

Rating: 2.5 / 5

Red Stripe Beer (12 oz bottle)

Item Purchased: Red Stripe Beer (12 oz bottle)
Location Purchased: South Loop Club / 1 E. Balbo / Chicago, IL
Price: $4.75 + tax

Review: Bottle short and stubby, and giving the illusion that it is a medium to dark beer, Red Stripe is a pleasure with mystery. The small brown bottle, wasting no glass on fancy long necks or paper on labels (it's printed right on the bottle), fits snugly in my hand and usually stays there until a rapid succession of sips empties it. The taste is always refreshing and unless you have ever poured your Red Stripe into a glass, you would think that this beer was a medium amber in hue. I suppose that the bottle plays a large part in misleading the general public. If you have ever enjoyed the fine taste of Red Stripe on tap though, you know that the lager is extremely light…almost albino. A tricky little tasty thing it is!

The back of the bottle says that Red Stripe reflects the culture and people of Jamaica. I'm not sure how true this is. I am from Milwaukee and I would hate it if Miller Brewing Company claimed to represent and reflect everything I am about. One thing is for sure, though. Red Stripe does reflect a pleasurable after-work drinking experience that aids me in winding down and relaxing over friendly conversation and complaints.

Take a minute for some of your own self-reflection. Enjoy a Red Stripe!

Rating: 4.25 / 5