P'EatZZa Sandwich w/Turkey Breast & Pepperoni from 7-Eleven

Item Purchased: P'EatZZa Sandwich w/Turkey Breast & Pepperoni from 7-Eleven
Location Purchased: 7-Eleven / 1350 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.69 + tax

Review: I don't watch much television, but I've been told that this monstrosity of a lunch was created as part of a contest on NBC's show, the Apprentice.

If this is the kind of quality product that Trump's empire is spitting out, I'd like to fire every last one of the employees on Donald's payroll.

Seriously folks, there is no need for this anywhere in the already ridiculous American convenience arena! Educated reality show contestants (oxymoron?) came up with this thing?!? Really? If I had to guess, I would say that a hung-over and high fratboy with several brain hemorrhages rolled out of bed one morning, grabbed two cold slices of pizza from the top of an empty keg and whatever else he could find in his hops-encrusted refrigerator to make a sandwich. I think I'd have a better meal if I sliced my freezer into bite-size pieces and ingested them, freezer-burnt venison and all.

Furthermore, why the hell would the epicenter of convenience store ingenuity (7-Eleven) use a trailer-park invention from a real estate mogul's reality show when they have so much more to offer from their own creative team?

I knew this would suck. I knew so thoroughly. I also knew that there are people around the country who think this is the greatest invention since sandwiches and pizza. That is why I felt obligated to purchase one of these things and set the record straight. Pizza and coldcuts have been around for years. There is a good reason why the two haven't met in any lasting form for this long. Mark my words, these P'EatZZa (was the name thought up by jump-roping kindergarteners with sidewalk chalk, by the way?) sandwiches will not last long. If they do, I'm moving to Anarctica to open a restaurant specializing in penguin burgers and oreos.

Rating: 0.05 / 5