From the Lost In Translation department:

Japan has passed a stupid law enabling electronics companies to maximize their profits. The law originally banned all resale of all electronic devices. Japan's trade ministry then backtracked to require electrical devices manufactured before 2001 to be tested and carry a safety sticker before they can be resold. They backtracked again by allowing resale shops to lease out old electronics. In the latest backpedal, the ministry released a list of 1,918 vintage products that will be exempt from the new law.

Man, stop backpedaling! I really want to see Brian Eno captain a vacation cruise full of DJs, musicians and video game nerds to Japan for the sole purpose of dumpster diving! (Knight Ridder)

Mar. 31st - Buy Nothing, Break Something (Legally) Day!

I won't be participating in the culture of consumerism today. Instead, I will be trying to raise money for my roommate's sculptural project, The Slipping Glimpser!

The slipping Glimpser is a contemporary interpretation of Chicago's World Columbian Exposition of 1892-1893. It is a large scale interactive and temporal artwork which carries on our history of exceeding the ordinary.

Tonight is the Slipping Glimpser's First phase... The Ball Drop! We will be smashing original sculptures (for a small donation). The fragments of the smashed sculptures will then be encased in P.B.A. certified clear bowling balls for later use in the Slipping Glimpser.

So, if you are in the Chicago area, please stop buy tonight and break something. I will most likely be lazily spinning tunes and perhaps taking requests (I hate requests!!!) for a small donation. All proceeds and donations tonight will go directly into material costs for the Slipping Glimpser.

Drinks! Music! Destruction! Come on by and show your support for Chicago arts and Consumatron.com. There may even be a chance to save one of the sculptures from its fate... for a price!

$10 entrance or give what you can.

More Info at Analogyshop.com.

The Slipping Glimpser is a sponsored project of the New York Foundation for the Arts.

From the Finally, An Ad-ition I Can Live With department

Satellite Marketing Communications, Ltd., a new advertising firm, is the UK's first ethical ad agency, committed to raising awareness of sustainable development. They believe (as I do) that consumer behavior has a huge impact on our planet's environment and are dedicated to producing ads for services and products that commit to corporate and social responsibility. The organization even buys recycled office supplies and furniture when possible. They have already produced ads for the Green Party, The Good Shopping Guide and others. In addition to advertising, the company has also founded the Green Awards, which is an awards event that rewards "creativity in sustainability." Just think... wouldn't Jessica Simpson carrying a sapling be a whole lot sexier than Jessica Simpson holding a greasy pizza during Super Bowl half time? (Sourcewire - Satellite Marketing Communications - The Green Awards)

From the Brother, Can You Spare A Dime? department:

Anyone have $2.1bn I can borrow? (BBC News)

From the Campus Life department:

Are you a college student who is sick of their mounting debt and living expenses? I mean, really, how much are you paying for that 15 sq ft. box they call a dorm anyway? Two students at the University of Alberta have some adviced for the adventurous student who wants to spend less and live dangerously. (The Gateway)

Mar. 30th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Small Fireside Blend Coffee from Caribou
Price: $1.70 + tax
Review: (LINK)
Note: I hate to admit it, but this was my only purchase for the day. That's not the shameful part, the shame comes in when I confess that I didn't buy anything else today because there was a large box of donuts at work and I survived off of sugary holiness, water and more coffee that was brewed for the UIC writer's group that came in tonight. Cigarettes? My friend Frank visited the store and bestowed upon me a pack of American Spirits because I used to bum him smokes all of the time when we worked together.

Good Humor Chocolate Chip Cookie Sandwich (4.5 oz.)

Item Purchased: Good Humor Chocolate Chip Cookie Sandwich (4.5 oz.)
Location Purchased: 7-Eleven / 1350 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.49 + tax

Review: Instead of my regular chocolate chip cookie from Caribou today, I felt I needed something with a little more oomph. I'm not sure if this did the trick, but it did have some mediocre ice cream between two medium-sized dough cakes. Sometimes I think Good Humor gives itself that name because that's what a person needs to accept what they have just purchased. Often, a Good Humor bar or other ice-cream product comes from a freezer which is turned up too high, making the ice cream, not only hard to chew, but painful to the nerves in my teeth with each bite.

The cookies in this sandwich are extremely chewy and doughy, making the whole snack taste like nothing more than cookie-dough ice cream that you can eat with your fingers. Not a bad thing, by any means, but the ice cream itself is just okay. It is a little icy and there is not enough vanilla flavoring in it. I guess that's what you get when you sell your company with humble beginnings to the Unilever company. Good thing I have such a GOOD sense of HUMOR about my late-night sweet-tooth purchases. Ha! Good Humor! Heh heh heh. I'm good. Whoo boy!

...

...See, the name of the company is Go...

Oh, you got it?

Okay, I'll shut up now.

Rating: 2.5 / 5

Mar. 29th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Drum Rolling Tobacco (40 gr.)
Review: (LINK)

Uncle Ben's Ready Rice - Original Long Grain (8.8 oz.)

Item Purchased: Uncle Ben's Ready Rice - Original Long Grain (8.8 oz.)
Location Purchased: 7-Eleven / 1350 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.19 + tax

Review: I've eaten a lot of different things straight out of plastic bags before. Candy, potato chips, nuts and guacamole. Once I even put a bunch of peanut butter inside of a ziplock sandwich bag to snack on during a long day at work. Never have I purchased, cooked and eaten rice straight from the bag. Sure, rice comes packaged in plastic bags all of the time, but usually it is up to me to add the water and find a suitable container to boil it in.

No longer!

Thanks to the miracles of modern convenience, I can simply run down the street to the 7-Eleven, buy a bag of rice (and water), microwave it for ninety seconds and enjoy. No pot or extra water needed. Weird!

Uncle Ben's has been one of the best selling brands of rice in America since the 1950s, when the Mars corporation bought the company known as Converted Rice, Inc. Converted Rice was known for preparing parboiled white rice products that retain many of the nutrients found in most brown rices. Even way back before the mascot, Uncle Ben, was slapped on every package (purported, by the company, to be an African American rice grower from Texas, but has been criticized as being an offensive Uncle Tom portrayal of a black man), Converted Rice Inc. had been making rice cooking a convenient task. It seems that convenient isn't convenient enough, now that we have these small single serving pouches to make our rice in. It used to be that even an idiot could make rice, but now it is almost to the point where you have to be an idiot to make rice.

The rice, itself, comes out tasty, but a bit rubbery and bland. I bought the original flavor, but even rice has more flavor than this stuff had. To remedy this, I poured my almonds over the rice, pillaged some soy sauce packets from the takeout graveyard in the office and crystallized my meal heavily with salt. This made for a filling and strange meal.

I've made it a point to seek out all of the odd convenience foods my local 7-Eleven has to offer. It amazes me that there are people who sit in office cubicles and labs all day long thinking of ways to make quick food preparation even faster. As I see the variety of crap 7-Eleven has on its shelves every day, I am more and more convinced that these scientists and thinkers are on the payroll of the store. Do I have to mention their root beer float contraptions?

So, while you would not find me picking up an item like "microwave in the pouch" rice on a regular grocery visit, my daily office boredom and fascination with our wasteful culture of convenience tempts me to make purchases such as these. I must not be the only one with said fascination. Amazon.com has an e-article for sale about this very product. The wonders never cease.

Rating: 2.75 / 5

Mar. 28th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Medium Coffee from Bake For Me
Review: (LINK)
Note: Again, I asked the woman at the counter what kind of coffee they brew and she didn't know. She told me that they get their coffee from the Bridgeport Coffee House which I learned roasts their coffee beans on site. My appologies for the false references to Superior Coffee.

Item Purchased: Camel Turkish Royal Cigarettes (Hardpack)
Price: $7.49 w/tax!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Chocolate Chip Cookie from Caribou Coffee
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Planters Smoked Almonds (1.5 oz tube)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Small Discovery Blend Coffee from Caribou
Review: (LINK)

From the Low Point Of Low Price department

Skyler Bartels, a sophomore at Drake University, decided to spend his spring break at Wal-Mart. In fact, for 41 hours, he never left. Skyler says it was an experiment to see whether or not Wal-Mart really could meet every need at every hour of the day like the store's television commercials proclaimed. Verdict? They can't. Some of the things Wal-Mart didn't have as Skyler spent two nights wandering the aisles and sleeping in the lawn and garden department? Showers, beds and miniature bottles of shampoo. I would add decent music and sanity to the list. (Des Moines Register via Obscure Store)

Apple Fritter from Bake For Me

Item Purchased: Apple Fritter from Bake For Me
Location Purchased: Bake For Me / 608 W. Roosevelt / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.20 + tax

Review: Either someone at Bake For Me is moonlighting at Krispy Kreme or vice versa. Regardless, they are harnessing their knowledge and tinkering with the improvements here at 608 W. Roosevelt. The dough in these apple fritters is almost identical to that of a Krispy Kreme doughnut, right down to the flakey sugar exoskeleton. Where the similarities stop, the flavor begins with just the right amount of cinammon, small but strong chunks of moist apple and a slight caramel taste. Since Bake For Me makes their bakery fresh every morning, you don't have to wait until the neon sign goes on either.

Rating: 3.75 / 5

From the New World Order With Fries department:

The great thing about having separate federal, state and regional governments is that they can pay attention to regional issues. For instance, if a shipment of food is making people sick, the local government can ban the sale of that product until the issue is resolved. This happens all of the time. Of course, the people in the food industry don't much like it when their profits are inconvenienced by silly little things like public health. What did they do? They lobbied of course. Earlier this month, the U.S. House of Representatives passed the National Uniformity for Food Act (H.R.4167), a bill that would require uniform labeling and standards on foodstuffs around the country. Yeah, because our country is small enough that the climate never changes from region to region and there is no variation in how certain foods react in certain environments. The food industry's reasons for wanting this bill passed is so they don't have to make 50 different labels for their products. The food industry's reason is a load of rotten milk. When pressed, one of their top lobbyists couldn't cite an example of a product that had even two separate labels due to differing state legislation. (USA Today Editorial - Food Navigator Article - H.R. 4167)

Mar. 27th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Medium Coffee from Bake For Me
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Bowl of Chili from Quiznos
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Chocolate Chip Cookie from Caribou Coffee
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Kraft Mexican Style Shredded Cheddar Jack Cheese
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Brownberry Whole Grain Classics 12 Grain Bread (24 oz. loaf)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Omega 3 Brown Eggs from Vegetarian Chickens (6 egg carton)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Jewel Brand Whipped Butter (8 oz.)
Review: (LINK)

Pepper Chicken in Black Bean Sauce from Ken Kee

Item Purchased: Pepper Chicken in Black Bean Sauce from Ken Kee
Location Purchased: Ken Kee / 2129 S. China Pl. / Chicago, IL
Price: $7.25 + tax

Review: Ken Kee, located in the large outdoor mall in Chicago's Chinatown, is a small, but accommodating restaurant that offers standard Chinese cuisine. This also means that Ken Kee offers a large variety. With over a hundred dishes available to choose from, you are bound to find something you will enjoy on their menu (available in a picture-filled or text-only version). The tables are set closer together than most restaurants in the area, which gives you an opportunity to make new friends (or at least an opportunity for the girl next to you to laugh at how you use your chop sticks). Tourists may not enjoy the intimacy of the seating arrangements, but that just may make Ken Kee a favored destination for me.

The black pepper chicken dish comes to your table still sizzling. Perhaps they should have let mine sizzle a bit more, because, though cooked through, the chicken wasn't as "well done" as I would have liked. Prepared with fresh and large onions, green peppers, black beans and several other vegetables, it packs a full flavor. The black bean sauce and pepper seasoning was thick and slightly sweet, making even the most bitter of the vegetables slightly spicy and easy on the palate. Ken Kee is not a gourmet restaurant, but it is a reliable lunch or dinner spot with fast, friendly service and a competent kitchen staff. Affordable and filling, I ended up taking home half of my pepper chicken, which I think I will heat up for my bedtime snack tonight.

Rating: 3.5 / 5

Cordon Bleu Omelette from Golden Apple

Item Purchased: Cordon Bleu Omelette from Golden Apple
Location Purchased: Golden Apple Restaurant / 2971 N. Lincoln / Chicago, IL
Price: $6.25 + tax

Review: I will be honest with you. It took me a couple of minutes to work out in my head why this omelette had no chicken in it. When I think cordon bleu, I think chicken. While I was working through this logical conundrum, I ordered this dish. Ham, Swiss cheese and hollandaise sauce folded inside of three fried eggs? Sounded good to me, chicken or not. It was only during my second cup of coffee and third bite of this creamy egg concoction that I realized that the egg was the chicken. Who knew, that all I had to do was turn toward philosophy to make sense of breakfast?

Forgive me, I am mentally slow in the morning.

Served with hash browns and a side of toast, this meal is what you would expect for $6.25. My only complaint is that the hollandaise sauce tasted as if it was made with sour milk. I don't think there was anything dire about the slathered topping. The sour taste probably came from an abundance of lemon juice. I wouldn't say it was a bad omelette, but I also don't know if I would give the Golden Apple's hollandaise another shot at proving itself to me.

Rating: 2.5 / 5

3 Coffees from Golden Apple

Item Purchased: 3 Coffees from Golden Apple
Location Purchased: Golden Apple Restaurant / 2971 N. Lincoln / Chicago, IL
Price: $4.20 ($1.40/ea.) + tax

Review: The Golden Apple is everything you could expect and/or want from a 24-hour diner and then some. They have a robust menu, serve breakfast all day, are crammed with regulars and other nighthawks throughout the day and they even serve beer and wine. The waitstaff is friendly and typically at each other's throat, dancing that line between venting frustration and wearing a happy face for the customer. Though a bit out of my way, the Golden Apple is one of those diners to remember. It was even profiled on Chicago Public Radio's This American Life.

As for the coffee, Golden Apple serves my oft-mentioned and favorite diner sludge, Superior Coffee. Its easy to wrap a conversation around itself several times after three or seven cups of this stuff. The Golden Apple isn't as quick to refill their small cups as I would like, but they were busy, so I will give them the benefit of a doubt. The price is typical of a dine-in coffee with unlimited refills.

Rating: 4 / 5

Mar. 26th - Unreviewable Purchases

Item Purchased: Pecan Waffle from Golden Apple
Location Purchased: Golden Apple Restaurant / 2971 N. Lincoln / Chicago, IL
Price: $5.99 + tax
Note: Purchased for Conrad.

Item Purchased: Side of Sausage Links from Golden Apple
Location Purchased: Golden Apple Restaurant / 2971 N. Lincoln / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.75 + tax
Note: Purchased for Conrad.

Item Purchased: Vegetarian Skillet from Golden Apple
Location Purchased: Golden Apple Restaurant / 2971 N. Lincoln / Chicago, IL
Price: $6.25 + tax
Note: Purchased for Michaelia.

Weekly Buy Nothing Day! Mar. 25th

I had a fantastic and hectic night at work last night. Haven't made that much money since summer when out outdoor patio is open. I'd like to thank the family who left me a one hundred percent tip and give a big shout out to my large party of art teachers from Michigan who allowed me to shamelessly promote Consumatron.com last night! You guys were great, I hope you have a fantastic time while you are here in Chicago!

After having such a good night, I'm always tempted to go out and splurge on something the next day, whether it is a fridge-filling grocery store jaunt or some serious time digging through the bins at my local record stores.

I can't think of a better time to impose a buy nothing day on myself to give myself a bit of a buffer to think about what I should do with my money. It's also a good time for me to catch up on some reading and start packing up some of my stuff in preparation for the move I will be making soon. Who wants to fight the Chicago crowds on the weekend anyway. There are better places to be than the Magnificent Mile on a Saturday. Maybe I'll even dust off my camera and finish that old roll of film that's been inside since August.

For other, more insightful, ruminations on living on less and curbing impulsive buying, check out the blog, Living On Less, written by an individual who seems to be finding herself in the midst of suffering from chronic fatigue syndrome.

Consumption continues (as it always does) tomorrow.

Reviewed on Mediatron Today!

Reviewed on Mediatron Today!

From the Big Brother Is Paying You department:

It has been only two weeks after one of the largest labor protests in Chicago's history (as well as several others around the country in places such as Milwaukee) rallying against the harsh immigrant laws imposed by H.R. 4437. We have my home state's Republican senator, James Sensenbrenner to thank for that one. England seems to be following suit (good job Tony Blush!) by putting together a comprehensive list of foreign workers to assess whether these people are contributing to the country's economy. I'm going to put together a list of people in both America and England who are actively waging war in the Middle East and other regions around the world to assess whether they are actively contributing to the economy. If they are not, I will simply take the two lists and swap the names. I would love to see Bush and Blair on a five-minute cigarette break after a long day of washing people's dishes. While I'm at it, I might also send Bush and Blair's children to Iraq where many of these immigrants' children have died since 2003. (The Daily Star)

Mar. 24th - Unreviewable Purchases

Item Purchased: Breakfast Burrito from Bongo Room
Location Purchased: Bongo Room / 1152 S. Wabash / Chicago, IL
Price: $7.50 + tax
Note: Purchased for Michaelia. I tried a bit. The menu said avocado, but what you got was guacamole. Also, ease up on the onions, Bongo Room! Our receipt failed to include our coffee or cranberry juice though, so I can't complain too much.

Mar. 24th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Gillette MACH3 Shaving Cartridges (4 pk.)
Price: $10.99 + tax
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Croissant Sandwich Breakfast from Bongo Room
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Camel Turkish Royal Cigarettes (Hardpack)
Price: $7.49 w/tax!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Review: (LINK)

SeaPak Jumbo Coconut Shrimp w/Marmalade Sauce (10 oz.)

Item Purchased: SeaPak Jumbo Coconut Shrimp (10 oz.)
Location Purchased: Jewel / 1224 S. Wabash Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $6.99 + tax

Review: Why is it that whenever you are hungry at work, someone starts talking about food? There I was, minding my own business, letting this woman peruse the impulse buys scattered around the front counter when she picks up a cookbook with large pictures and simple instructions. No more than thirty seconds after opening the book, the woman starts yelling to her daughter across the store. "Hey look! Here's an easy recipe for coconut shrimp! You should give this to your boyfriend then you can tell him what you want and he will be able to cook it for you!" Then, she started listing all of the ingredients and the instructions on how to make what sounded like mediocre coconut shrimp. At this point though, even mediocre coconut shrimp sounded like gourmet to me. My stomach grumbled in agreement.

So it was, that when I stopped at the grocery store after work, I made a bee-line for the seafood section and picked out the only box of coconut shrimp they had. Boxed frozen seafood tends to be a no no with me, but that cursed woman at the bookstore had bewitched me with her talk of palm fruit and sea creatures.

Sea Pak's box of jumbo coconut shrimp comes with thirteen sizeable shrimp that are larger than most diners' jumbo shrimp but significantly smaller than most seafood restaurants'. My kitchen is not the most advanced because of the loft space I live in, and we only have a mini oven to bake things in. This works fine for pizzas as most of them fit snugly inside on the rack. When you are baking something that needs a pan, however, it becomes tricky. The only thing approximating a baking sheet that I could find to fit in my oven was a cupcake tray. My shrimp were baked in the lap of luxury. Each breaded crustacean had its own tub to relax in as it soaked up the rays of the heating coil.

Twelve minutes later, when the shrimp were done, I heated the marmalade dipping sauce by placing the plastic bag it comes in inside a shallow pot of hot water for a few minutes. Perhaps marmalade dipping sauces usually go well with coconut shrimp, but I would have preferred a normal cocktail sauce. The shrimp was crunchy with a strong coconut taste and a subtle shrimp one. As with most breaded foods, the taste of the batter took over and the excessively large flakes of coconut often got stuck in my teeth. Though the shrimp was a bit too "frozen" for my tastes, this shrimp dinner is not too bad of a buy for seven bucks. I don't think I'll be making Thursday evenings seafood night or anything, but if you ever find that someone makes you crave coconut shrimp, this is an affordable option that will at least assuage the craving until you clean out the couch and can afford that lobster meal on the coast.

Rating: 3.25 / 5

Image from Damiao Santana's Flickr Stream.

Nissin Cup Noodles Souper Meal w/Shrimp, Tomato & Garlic (4.3 oz.)

Item Purchased: Nissin Cup Noodles Souper Meal w/Shrimp, Tomato & Garlic (4.3 oz.)
Location Purchased: 7-Eleven / 1350 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.59 + tax

Review: I must be on a Nissin kick. Only a week ago, I purchased Nissin's Original Chow Mein lunch dish. This week, 7-Eleven began stocking a new Nissin product which, according to the label information, packs only 0.3 oz. more product, but comes in a container the size of half a fried chicken bucket. Most of the increased dry weight comes from the double-sized packets of dehydrated toppings (I think I counted 6 tiny shrimp this time) and flavor powders. The primary difference from last week's meal was the amount of water I added to this behemoth of a digestive percolator. After filling this container five sixths full of water, adding the pungent flavor powder, I popped it into the microwave for a full six minutes. Six minutes! Nothing takes six minutes in a microwave! That's like two minutes inside of a nuclear reactor! The last time I microwaved something for over five minutes, I ended up running to the back of my apartment with a flaming bag of popcorn which I threw out our fire escape (appropriate, no?). Of course, our microwave is like a Shih Tzu, small and mean.

Of course, I've gotten off track. Where was I?

Ah yes, six minutes. Six minutes later, I pulled this steaming vat of noodles and broth from the radiation chamber and added "The Finishing Touch." That's what it is called, "The Finishing Touch."

"The Finishing Touch" is a small foil package filled with a brown oil that turns the already cloudy noodle broth a deeper and cloudier brown. This "Finishing Touch" is supposed to be a flavor enhancer and must be a top selling point of these Souper Meals because, while the other two packages of dehydrated additives are packaged inside of the cup, this tiny foil envelope is left on the outside between the cellophane and the cup itself for the discriminating consumer to clearly see. Since the package also says that one should "Microwave For Full Flavor," I'm not convinced that this "Finishing Touch" is all it purports to be.

After slurping down all of the noodles and guzzling down all of the broth, my stomach felt a bit like I imagine a baby cub feeling when its mother is taken away from it. Gassy too. They should call these noodle cups "methane cups." That's what you get when you spend less than two dollars on lunch I guess. For $1.59, the Souper Meal fills you and oddly satisfies.

Gurgling can be a sort of satisfaction.

Sometimes.

Rating: 3.25 / 5

Medium Coffee from Bake For Me

Item Purchased: Medium Coffee from Bake For Me
Location Purchased: Bake For Me / 608 W. Roosevelt / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.09 + tax

Review: The bus was acting stupid today so I decided to get out and walk the remaining four blocks to work. Because of this snap decision, I may have just found the most affordable cup of drinkable coffee in the vicinity of my workplace. Bake For Me has become a ubiquitous office caterer around the downtown Chicago area since its opening in 1993. Specializing in cakes and pastries, this out of place bakery is required to have coffee on hand. Luckily for me, it is pretty good coffee at that.

When I asked the woman behind the counter what kind of coffee they brew, she gave me a slight look of confusion, a shrug and a smile. Judging by the taste, I would guess that Bake For Me uses Superior Coffee, which has roots here in Chicago, but has recently been uprooted. Despite being owned by that bitch Sara Lee, I've always enjoyed Superior Coffee. Others say it is salty, but I don't see it. For my money, it is one of the only coffees found in diners that doesn't approximate recycled jet fuel. In fact, if you get it when it is freshly brewed, Superior Coffee tastes better than a $5.00 cup from a designer coffee shop. At $1.20 w/tax, I have a feeling I will be making frequent stops at Bake For Me before work this summer. There was even a plate of broken cookies by the cream/sugar station for customers to sample. Sure, they were unsold St. Patrick's Day shamrock cookies, but they were melt-in-your mouth delicious.

Note (03/28/2006): Again, I asked the woman at the counter what kind of coffee they brew and she didn't know. She told me that they get their coffee from the Bridgeport Coffee House which I learned roasts their coffee beans on site. My appologies for the false references to Superior Coffee.

Rating: 4.25 / 5

From the Thrift Store Roadshow department:

Bob Hampton, of Blue Springs, MO, paid $14 for a watercolor painting he thought "was quite good for a print." Later he realized it wasn't a print at all, but an original by painter James Milton. When he had it appraised at Christies, they estimated its worth at $2000-3000. I've found signed first editions of books at thrift stores for a quarter and sold them for $50-75 before. If you are going by percentages, I'm the luckier one. (NBC 17)

Mar. 23rd - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Planters Smoked Almonds (1.5 oz tube)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Crack N' Snack Hard Cooked Eggs (2 eggs / 3 oz.)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Palermo's Primo Thin Frozen Margherita Pizza (14.85 oz.)
Review: (LINK)

From the Reverse Engineering department:

In my stack of snail mail today, I received a paper catalog from Ebay.com. Does this strike anyone else as odd? The slim mailing is set up much like any department store's catalog would be with pictures and short descriptions as well as an additional line informing me as to what words I should search for on the website to arrive at listings for these items. Each listed price is prefaced by the word "From," letting me know that this is the minimum I can find each item sold for, but not necessarily making it apparent that I might not find this item at a price anywhere near what they list.

Has Ebay done this kind of mailing before? What is the purpose of such mailings. Should I expect a phone call from my grandmother asking me what "the ebay" is? Has anyone out there ever been swayed by a website's paper mailing before? Call me crazy, but this kind of marketing for an online company seems like a monumental waste of resources (financial and natural). Thoughts?

Small Discovery Blend Coffee from Caribou

Item Purchased: Small Discovery Blend Coffee from Caribou
Location Purchased: Caribou Coffee / 1328 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.50 1.55 + tax

Review: This is the darkest of Caribou's light roast coffees and it boasts itself as being carefully roasted in order to subdue its acidic qualities. Usually I don't believe that mumbo jumbo on any package, but either this time it is the truth or acidity never entered the equation here. Regardless of what the honest to goodness is, this coffee is extremely satisfying, with no sharp bites or lingering bitterness. What you get, or discover (cue slapping of knee sound), is a simple and tasty coffee with a bit of a caramel tone to it.

Rating: 4.5 / 5

Coffee from Cold Comfort

Item Purchased: Coffee from Cold Comfort
Location Purchased: Cold Comfort / 2211 W. North Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.95

Review: Cold Comfort show their 4-star pride by brewing Chicago's own Intelligentsia Coffee. The menu even says that the blend they use is the "Cold Comfort" blend. Sweet. Or not so sweet. As I have come to expect from Intelligentsia brews, the coffee was a bit too dark of a roast for my liking. Luckily you are brought a teapot of fresh cream to equalize the flavor with. Several sugar packets and a healthy pour later, I was able to enjoy this cup of coffee and its subsequent refills.

Rating: 3 / 5

Bacon & Muenster Cheese Omellich from Cold Comfort

Item Purchased: Bacon & Muenster Cheese Omellich from Cold Comfort
Location Purchased: Cold Comfort / 2211 W. North Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $4.50 + tax

Review: An omelette on a sandwich. An omellich! That's what the fine folks at this homey, laid back cafe and deli call it. Big deal, I've had an omelette in between two slices of bread before. The golden touch is the Ciabatta bread they serve it on.

Cold Comfort is a smaller cafe slightly off the beaten path of Wicker Park (just down the street from Sultan's Market, actually). I hear it gets a bit busy during breakfast, but breakfast is served all day so that all depends on when you roll out of bed. Unlike most cafes and delis laid out in a similar style, Cold Comfort's employees come out from behind the deli case and take your order just like in a honest to goodness restaurant. If you like what you had to eat, you'll have to belly up to the glass case in order to take some home though. Prices are extremely reasonable and portions are a healthy size. I actually felt full after finishing my sandwich. I rarely feel full on breakfast food.

The omelettes that Cold Comfort makes for their sandwiches are a bit slimmer than most omelettes you get elsewhere, but expertly prepared. Even the bacon wasn't as crispy as I usually like it, but worked well with the muenster cheese and large ciabatta loaf. Cold Comfort has made it onto my short list for breakfast spots in Wicker Park.

Rating: 3.75 / 5

Mar. 22nd - Unreviewable Purchases

Item Purchased: Nantucket Nectars Big Cranberry Juice
Location Purchased: Cold Comfort / 2211 W. North Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.60 + tax
Note: Purchased for Michaelia.

Item Purchased: Bagel Sandwich with Egg and Swiss Cheese from Cold Comfort
Location Purchased: Cold Comfort / 2211 W. North Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.25 + tax
Note: Purchased for Michaelia.

Mar. 22nd - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Planters Smoked Almonds (1.5 oz tube)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: 7-Eleven Smoked Turkey & Jack Cheese Sandwich w/Southwest Mayonnaise
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Stefano Foods Cuban Panini (9 oz.)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Killian's Irish Red Premium Lager (6 pk)
Review: (LINK)

From the Thunderbird @ $500/bottle department:

Wal-Mart is trying to reach out to their upscale customers by opening a new store with several luxury and specialty items for sale. The store is set to have rows of HD television sets priced over $2000, microbrewery beers, upscale foodstuffs and even hundreds of different wines priced at up to $500 a bottle. I want you all to do something for me. Imagine walking into your local Wal-Mart and having an average employee of that store speak to you about the finer points of wine selection. When you are done laughing, read the full article for even more bargain priced absurdity. (Denton Record-Chronicle)

From the Brass Tacks Cheaper Brass Tacks department:

Ender513 keeps a detailed blog over at SavingAdvice.com about his/her daily purchases and methods of cutting costs. It's an informative and interesting look at something I struggle with every day. Maybe I should start adding up my monthly spending totals here on Consumatron just to see what percentage of my income I am spending each month. (Ender513's Saving Advice Blog)

From the Fairer Sex Blues... Or Pinks department:

As if yesterday's news about Australia's spy agency luring women into its ranks with the promise of on the job shopping wasn't enough, now Ford is marketing its new Fusion midsized sedan toward women aged 25-39. Ford is sponsoring the Race For The Cure (you should too!) and setting up "Fusion Stuido D" locations in several shopping malls across the country to promote this new vehicle with makeovers, fitness training and other girly-themed promotional items. If I went looking to buy a car and they offered me a makeover, I'd tell them where to stick their tailpipe! Man, when women get the right to vote, things are going to change, I can feel it! (Autonews.com)

Hanes Premium Men's Cushion Crew Socks (6 pk.)

Item Purchased: Hanes Premium Men's Cushion Crew Socks (6 pk.)
Location Purchased: Target / 1154 S. Clark St. / Chicago, IL
Price: $7.99 + tax

Review: I am a bit embarrassed for two reasons. First, the reason I stopped in Target to buy a pack of new socks is because I had no clean ones on my bedroom floor this morning. I was afraid that by the time I walked the little more than a mile to work, my feet would reek, sending my managers and co-workers fleeing into the Romance section (hey, that's actually not so bad). Fortunately, the old pair of foot gloves I was wearing hadn't accumulated too much sweat and I was able to get away with keeping them on until the bulk of my co-workers left for the evening. After they left, I peeled off my socks like an onion's skin, let my feet air out and put two of these new puppies on my feet.

Ahhh......

There is nothing like a pair of new socks. The way I buy socks is pretty haphazard, but Hanes' brand of foot mops really make one feel as if they are shuffling around in their slippers while in their shoes. This only lasts as long as the first day you wear them, but that's six days of cradled foot comfort I have to look forward to. Well, five days now.

I'm not sure if the price is really worth this comfortable vanity. Over a buck per pair of socks? They do have the heels sewn into them, but still! This brings me to my second reason for being embarrassed. I work only a block away from the outdoor sock market of Chicago (Union street near Jim's Original Hot Dog Stand) where I probably could have hustled one of the guys hanging out on the sidewalk into giving me similar socks at $0.50 a pair. If only I hadn't been so self conscious about my smelly feet!

Ah well... next time.

Rating: 4 / 5

Jewel 100% Grated Parmesan Cheese (8 oz.)

Item Purchased: Jewel 100% Grated Parmesan Cheese (8 oz.)
Location Purchased: Jewel / 1224 S. Wabash Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.99 + tax

Review: How fortunate. My co-worker brought in some beef mostaccioli to share with me today but she forgot the cheese. Luckily, I needed some parmesan for this evening.

Jewel's store brand Parmesan is not the best you can get, but it certainly isn't bad. It seems ridiculous to me that the label says "100% Grated" though. Do they sell a 50% Grated parmesan cheese that just has a half a block of cheese sitting at the bottom of the container?

As a garnish for pastas and soups, Jewel's parmesan will do you well. I don't recommend it as a cooking cheese or as a primary flavor ingredient. For that, I would drop a few more bucks and get some fresh parmesan and grate it yourself. That being said, I must admit, that whenever I find myself alone with a container of this stuff, I do often eat it by the handful. What can I say? I'm from Wisconsin! Cheese is in my blood!

This cheese has a slight taste of the plastic it is sold in, but again, I only know that because I eat it alone. Stick to using it as a topping and you'll never notice.

Rating: 3.5 / 5

McCormick Oregano Leaves (.75 oz.)

Item Purchased: McCormick Oregano Leaves (.75 oz.)
Location Purchased: Jewel / 1224 S. Wabash Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.29 + tax

Review: My girlfriend is amassing quite the impressive and scattershot spice collection. Usually when we cook, we cook at her house because I don't have a working stove and there is only so much you can do with a hot plate (you can do quite a bit actually...remind me to invite you to one of my hot plate dinner parties...but for ease and convenience reasons, I prefer a stove). In the morning, when all is said and done and we are drinking coffee and getting ready to leave the house, I never want to be bothered by taking my spices with me, so I graciously give them to my girlfriend and her roommates. Even if they don't touch the plastic bottles of cumin and whatnot, I can rest easy knowing that those bottles are sitting comfortably in a cupboard instead of collecting dust in between bottles of scotch and wine.

Again, I resort to the spice candyman that is McCormick. Actually, I was going to buy a different brand today when I realized that the other brand of oregano at Jewel was McCormick's Gourmet Collection line of spices! Damn man! Eight ball in the cornered market!

Ah well, oregano has always been the most subtle of subtle spices to me. I don't really notice it much. Hell, even when I was a stupid kid in the sixth grade and my friends and I rolled an oregano joint with notebook paper, I didn't even cough when I smoked it. See? Subtle. McCormick is no different. Not that subtle isn't important. It is. If you make a pasta sauce without it, I'll notice. I'm hoping it will be as essential to the soup I make tonight as it is in sauces.

Rating: 3.25 / 5

Buy some oregano from Amazon.com: Consume.
Image From Amazon.com

Birds Eye Frozen Chopped Spinach (10 oz.)

Item Purchased: Birds Eye Frozen Chopped Spinach (10 oz.)
Location Purchased: Jewel / 1224 S. Wabash Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.10 + tax

Review: In the early 1900s, sometime between 1912-1915, field naturalist Clarence Birdseye was working near the Arctic Circle when he realized that fresh fish that were frozen in the Arctic snow retained their full nutritional qualities when thawed. From this experience, he began flash-freezing various foods and made a name out of it.

In the early 2000s, sometime between 10:30AM and 11:00AM on March 21st, 2006, I was shopping for soup ingredients when I came across this flash-frozen package of chopped spinach. From this experience, I began wondering if the refrigerator at work would keep the spinach frozen until I got out of work and went over to my girlfriends' house.

So far, so good. The foil-wrapped block of spinach seems to be holding up just fine. I'm not exactly sure how I feel about frozen spinach. I enjoy most other frozen vegetables such as peas or corn, but when it comes to leafy greens, the act of thawing such things scares me. I always imagine the end product to be something a bit too soggy. This thought crossed my mind as I was purchasing my groceries this morning but then I realized that I would be placing the spinach into a soup broth. They would be soggy anyway! Hurrah! Long live Clarence Birdseye and his wonderful flash-freezing machine! His legacy is helping to make soups everywhere healthy and full-bodied!

Rating: to be rated after trying the spinach tonight.

Go ahead Popeye! Buy some spinach at Amazon.com: Consume.
Image from Amazon.com

Mar. 21st - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Cinnamon Chip Scone from Caribou Coffee
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: 1 Large Lemon from Jewel
Price: $0.74 + tax
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Near East Couscous Original Plain Mix (10 oz.)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Swanson Certified Organic Vegetarian Vegetable Broth (32 oz. box)
Price: $2.79 + tax
Review: (LINK)
Note: Price went down by almost a dollar. This wasn't a sale or special either. Is vegetable broth that fickle of a market?

Item Purchased: Krinos Kalamata Olives (8 oz.)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: McCormick California Style Crushed Garlic (4.25 oz.)
Review: (LINK)

From the I Spy A Bargain! What A G'Day It Is! department:

Australia's top intelligence agency wants to double its staff by 2011. How will they attract more modern women that don't fit any specific stereotype of what a woman should be? How about by telling women that spying gives them an opportunity to shop til they drop... sometimes. According to a female spy featured in one of their ads: "Sometimes, when I‘m out following a target who‘s gone shopping, I get to go shopping too. Or sometimes, as I‘m passing through an area following a target, I might see something in a shop that I like and think to myself, hmmm ... I‘ll have to go back there." (Brocktown News)

From the Dressed By Divinity department:

Della Reese, who starred in that horrible occult show where spirits talked to humans and tinkered with their lives, has started a clothing line for plus sized women. Her reasons include her desire to "give women the opportunity to have some pizazz" and the fact that she likes "purple and pink, not just purple and purple and purple." I like clothing lines that sell me versatile, long lasting and interchangeable colors, not just something with a star's name attached and attached and attached. (CBS2 New York)

Medium Fireside Blend Coffee from Caribou

Item Purchased: Medium Fireside Blend Coffee from Caribou
Location Purchased: Caribou Coffee / 1328 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.70 + tax

Review: The Caribou website says that this coffee goes good with dessert. They say it has a hint of rare Ethiopian coffee called Harrar in it. They say it has a smoky berry finish. Blah blah blah!

Smoky? I say it tastes more like ash.

I was quite surprised at the flavor of this coffee this morning actually. Usually I like Caribou's medium roast coffees, but this one seemed to have a bit too much going on. You know how a child will color with a ton of paint, then mix it all together and get a brownish-grey color? That's what this coffee reminds me of. Ah well. You can't be perfect all of the time. Grey has it's place too. Just not in my morning cup of coffee!

Rating: 1.5 / 5

Kraft Easy Mac Cup (2.05 oz.)

Item Purchased: Kraft Easy Mac Cup (2.05 oz.)
Location Purchased: 7-Eleven / 1350 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.19 + tax

Review: Macaroni sure has come a long way. From its humble beginnings as actual cheese and fresh pasta, to the boxed Kraft Dinner (as it was once known) which is more commonly known as Kraft Macaroni and Cheese and requires milk and butter to be added, to this lazy-man's incarnation which requires a water fountain, a microwave and not much else (except maybe Ritz Crackers in my case). Hell, you don't even need a pot anymore, since the version of this ubiquitous lunchstuff comes in a styrofoam cup!

When I pulled back the top cover on the cup, I was greeted with a small cloud of white dust. I assume this was some kind of dehydrated butter (I always hated waiting for the butter to melt into the pasta when I was a kid). After adding the water and nuking the noodles for a couple of minutes, I was misled by the instructions on the side of my cup. The instructions referred to the cheese dust as cheese-sauce mixture. I thought that meant that it would be a real cheese sauce (like cheez whiz or something) but, alas! It was only the cheese dust we have all grown to know and love.

The taste of the easy mac is a little bland as compared to regular old Mac n'Cheese, but it works for the office snack. I really hate eating like this four days out of every week and have grown tired of my usual 7-Eleven sandwiches, so I suppose I am working my way through the microwave noodle shelf. It could be worse. I could just hit the Slurpee machine three times a day.

Rating: 3 / 5

Buy some Easy Mac from Amazon.com: Consume.

Nabisco Ritz Crackers (4 oz. box)

Item Purchased: Nabisco Ritz Crackers (4 oz. box)
Location Purchased: 7-Eleven / 1350 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.79 + tax

Review: I'm not sure when in my history it became a pairing. Perhaps it was during the years I lived in a lonely studio apartment that I paid far too much for, spending lonely nights watching foreign films on my video monitor and eating several different pasta products. Regardless of the specifics, I once took the remnants of a box of Ritz crackers and heaped some of my macaroni and cheese on top of it. The next time I bought a box of mac n' cheese, I instinctively picked up another box of Ritz. That time I crumbled a few of the buttery crackers in my hands and sprinkled them over my cheesy dinner. Ever since, I have rarely had a bowl of cheese-dusted pasta without a few of these crackers alongside.

Another memory I have is of spending Sunday afternoons at my grandparents' house where my grandmother would set out several plates with crackers and toppings to snack on while my grandfather and I watched golf. There were Triscuits and other crackers, but I remember reaching for the Ritz the most. I have also heard several stories claiming that when Ritz became popular in Europe, men would fill heart-shaped boxes meant for chocolates with Ritz and give them to their girlfriends (the wikipedia entry for Ritz says that this is how they proposed to their girlfriends. The girl probably just slapped the guy and said "Where's my ring?...More importantly, where's my chocolate!?").

Why all of this nostalgia and invention over a simple little cracker? I'm not sure. Maybe it is the buttery, salty and crisp qualities that so delicately melt in your mouth when you bite into one of these crackers. Maybe it is the red box that stands out when you walk down the primarily brown and white cracker aisle at the store. Maybe it is just a killer marketing campaign consisting of everything from whole wheat crackers to tiny versions of the cracker, filled with peanut butter and made into sandwiches. I don't know. All I know is that I had to have some Ritz crumbs on the Easy Mac I bought for lunch today. Since Nabisco is also owned by Kraft (who made the Easy Mac), I suppose my meal was very 1984. Now if I only had some Marlboro cigarettes to smoke since Kraft is owned by Altria (formerly Philip Morris).

Since I only bought the 4 oz. (1 tube of crackers) version of the snack, by the time I was done with lunch, all I had was a slippery butter tan cellophane wrapper and a few crumbs left. With potato chips I can just eat one. Not with Ritz. Someone messed up their slogans back in the day.



Rating: 4 / 5

Buy some Ritz crackers from Amazon.com: Consume.

From The What Have I Done With My Life In Aisle 4? department:

The Clerical Medical Group has recently performed a study concluding that the average British citizen will spend over £148,000 and six months inside of supermarkets during their lifetime. I hope they never do a study on how much time and money I will spend in record shops and bookstores in my lifetime. I have a feeling that would be extremely depressing. (Myfinances.co.uk)

From the Think Before You Buy department:

A St. Elizabeth, Jamaica high school has started a Consumer Affairs Club to help their youth become responsible, aware consumers. I wish I had a class or club geared toward analyzing consumer culture in high school. Many of the people I graduated with could have used it too since several of them spent a few weeks in Jamaica after graduation and came back looking like caricatures of Rastafarians. (Jamaica's Government Web Site)

Mar. 20th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Planters Smoked Almonds (1.5 oz tube)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Chocolate Chip Cookie from Caribou Coffee
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Drum Rolling Tobacco (40 gr.)
Review: (LINK)

Side Of Rice & Lentils from Sultan's Market

Item Purchased: Side Of Rice & Lentils from Sultan's Market
Location Purchased: Sultan's Market / 2057 W. North Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.00 + tax

Review: It surprised me when Josh told me to try this rice instead of the curry rice I was originally going to order. Heaped on top of this grey mixture were several large slices of onion. Josh hates onion, but he assured me that this was the "good stuff." He was right.

Seasoned to perfection, this small, but loaded, side tray of rice was a great accompaniment to my falafel. I'm not a big fan of onions myself, but I found myself eating every last one as I couldn't get over the deliciousness factor injected to this simple dish. The onion added a great all around flavor to the rice and Sultan's Market doesn't skimp on the lentils (why do other places?... they're lentils!). By the end of my five dollar meal, I was so full that I didn't ever want to eat again. However, when my stomach deflated from spare tire to rim, I almost ran back to Sultan's Market for another round.

I am certain I will be back soon. No Middle Eastern restaurant is complete in my mind, until I try their kefta. Even that will only set you back a couple of bucks. It is great to see a quality restaurant that doesn't try and play up its food as exotic to the condo-dwellers in the neighborhood. Sultan's Market offers quality food at a great price, making this the perfect place to work off a hangover or simply save a few bucks on the weekend. They even let you BYOB, so hit one of your favorite discount liquor stores before heading over. And for those of you who do think falafel is an exotic dish, you can comemmorate your visit to Sultan's Market by purchasing one of the restaurant's t-shirts or other gift items. As much as I hate a restaurant that markets itself through souveniers, it is nice to see a small corner store with humble beginnings able to do so. I'd rather be caught wearing a Sultan's Market shirt than a Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. one!

Rating: 4.25 / 5

Falafel Sandwich from Sultan's Market

Item Purchased: Falafel Sandwich from Sultan's Market
Location Purchased: Sultan's Market / 2057 W. North Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.00 + tax

Review: After living in this city for five years, I finally venture into Sultan's Market! Why has it taken me so long? Despite all of their train and bus stop ads that cover the city, I have never felt like falafel that the signs so loudly announce when I have been in Wicker Park. I'm a fool for waiting so long.

Though still not as good as the falafel at Old Jerusalem, these chickpea balls come close. For only $3.00, you get a large pita bread, stuffed until it is about to burst at the seams with chopped falafel, hummus, tahini, veggies and chili sauce (upon request). The employees behind the deli-style counter at Sultan's Market even put the thin strip of bread that they cut off of your pita (to open up the bread) back into your sandwich. At just the right consistency, the slightly crunchy falafel holds its own among the strong flavors of the hummus and tahini. The hummus itself is just the right amalgam of bitter and slightly sweet and the tahini has a bite to it.

You'll be impressed by the large crowds, long lines and quick service at Sultan's Market. With a corner-store salad bar feel, no one hangs around too long, but you are welcome to do so. On your way out, be sure to stock up on Middle Eastern grocery essentials that are sold by the front counter.

Rating: 4.5 / 5

Marshall McGearty Malawi Kings Cigarettes w/free cup of Coffee

Item Purchased: Marshall McGearty Malawi Kings Cigarettes w/free cup of Coffee
Location Purchased: Marshall McGearty / 1553 N. Milwaukee Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $9.00 w/tax

Review: Another lazy Sunday, another stroll through Wicker Park in search of a cup of coffee and, hey look at that, I'm out of cigarettes. Why not give more of my money to R.J. Reynolds and get a free cup of coffee while I'm at it? Not quite the happy ending one might expect when paying $9.00 for a pack of smokes, but better than nothing.

Marshall McGearty's newest tobacco blend is a musky spiced smoke that smells like a mixture of brown rice and chocolate before lighting it. Malawi Kings come in a black box with a picture of a lion on the inside as if to drive home the fact that the tobacco used inside is from Africa. With a flavorful smoke, heavy on pepper scents, these cigarettes come as close to cloves as I would ever be willing to smoke. Though I do enjoy a full bodied and strong cigarette, these tend to lean a tad to the bitter end, even going so far as to leave a chalky aftertaste in my mouth. Malawi Kings are the strongest smoke I have pulled from this controversial den of maligned legal substance, but I enjoy the subtleties of MM's Virginian Blend much more. These cigarettes are not a bad smoke, but also not as exotic as the packaging and advertising would have you believe. A little bit of chocolate and a little bit of pepper is what you get. If you don't expect a wizard, you'll have a fine time with the man behind the jungle-themed curtain.

Oh and just in case it matters to you (though I don't know why it would if you are making a smoking lounge a destination for yourself), the Malawi Kings blend of tobacco has the least amount of nicotine and most tar of any of MM's cigarettes.

Rating: 3 / 5

Mar. 18th - Weekly Buy Nothing Day

On this Buy Nothing Day, I would like to call your attention to an article I happened upon in the worst of worst newspapers, The Red Eye. It doesn't have much to do with consumerism, unless you take into account the mass amounts of money we Americans spend on gas for our polluting automobiles.

For those of you not from Chicago, the Red Eye is the Chicago Tribune's dumbed-down daily paper aimed at the 20-30s set. Actual news is pared down to a few sentences and the rest of the paper is focussed on sports, entertainment, hollywood gossip and horrible relationship advice.

Take this column by Gina B for example. It starts out well and good as a column about the warning signs that women should look for in a potential mate. Some of the "red flags" are common sense such as "does not follow through with anything" or "has no ambition." Some of them are lame attempts at being funny. Then, we get to the one that bothered me: "Has no means of transportation except his bike."

Woah woah woah! I know most women want a fat lazy rich man who drives a block in his car to get a frappe and not a man who is healthy, athletic and in shape, but what is wrong with a bicycle? I don't own a car or motorcycle and get around on my bike quite well, thank you very much Gina! If you lived in the rural country, I could forgive you, but you are writing for a newspaper in one of the largest cities in America. Do you really want all of the available men clogging our streets any more than they already are rather than gracefully zipping by on two man-powered wheels? C'mon, I mean, a lot of those dudes wear those annoying spandex shorts that women seem to like so much!

In fact, just to prove her wrong, today, I am going to bike around town, not buy anything and pick up a lot of women... If that's okay with my girlfriend... I have to check.

See you tomorrow.

Smithwick's Irish Ale (12 oz. bottle)

Item Purchased: Smithwick's Irish Ale (12 oz. bottle)
Location Purchased: Miller's Pub / 134 S. Wabash / Chicago, IL
Price: $4.50

Review: Despite being a bit overpriced and filled with the convention/wedding/tourist crowd from the Palmer House Hilton next door, Miller's sort of became an after-work haunt for me on weekends when I started my weekend restaurant job. There are plenty of reasons to steer clear of this place such as the aforementioned crowds and the stringy-haired regular who always stands around the front of the bar making conversation with anyone who will listen, drinking/spilling martinis and talking at a volume loud enough to make you work at ignoring him. I keep coming back because of the bartenders who are nothing but classy and friendly. Most notably, there is Luke, who usually works at the front of the bar. In my mind, Luke is one of the few bartenders in this city who knows how to be a bartender. He knows when to engage a person in conversation, when to leave you alone and, when you could still smoke inside of Miller's, always had a light for your cigarette.

Since it was Maewyn's Day, I decided to have an Irish beer. I'm not one for celebrating severely Americanized holidays, but...what the hell.

Smithwick's Irish Ale is made by the good people at Guinness breweries. Inspired by a recipe that dates back to the 1700's, this pale ale has a hint of sweetness to it at first taste. Unfortunately, the bitterness that kicks in afterwards lasts a bit too long for my tastes. Not as bad as most pales I've tried, Smithwick would be a good beer to remember if you happen to see it on special at an Irish pub, but as a regular drink, this beer fails. It is too expensive for too common a taste.

Rating: 2.75 / 5

Reviewed On Mediatron Today!

Reviewed on Mediatron.

Mar. 17th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Killian's Irish Red Premium Lager (12 oz. bottle)
Location Purchased: Miller's Pub / 134 S. Wabash / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.75
Review: (LINK)


Item Purchased: American Spirit Regular Filter Cigarettes (Hardpack)
Location: Clancy's Commissary / 1130 S. Michigan Ave. / Chicago
Price: $8.67 w/tax
Review: (LINK)

Hershey's White Chocolate Take 5 (2.25 oz. king size bar)

Item Purchased: Hershey's White Chocolate Take 5 (2.25 oz. king size bar)
Location Purchased: 7-Eleven / 1350 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.29 + tax

Review: I didn't know that they even made a white chocolate Take 5 bars. Had I known, I would have specified to my friend Pete, who made the trip down the street to pick up some snacks, absolutely positively no white chocolate. I mean, why would they even venture to make a white chocolate version of one of the best candy bars on the market today? Everything else is there. Caramel, peanut butter, peanuts and pretzels sit combined in a flavor packing ratio and then are smothered with waxy disgusting white chocolate. Who even likes white chocolate? It's not even chocolate! White chocolate is like the little brother who is always trying to talk like you but can't quite grasp your meaning or cadence so he ends up sounding like Abraham Lincoln in Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure. Here's a secret for you not in the know... WHITE CHOCOLATE ISN'T EVEN CHOCOLATE! It contains most of the ingredients of chocolate, but is missing the one crucial additive that makes chocolate chocolate. According to the FDA, if there is no Chocolate Liquor in a substance, it simply cannot be chocolate. According to me, it also ends up tasting like a mixture of marshmallow fluff and Windex.

This candy bar's one saving grace is that the wrapper says it is a "Limited Edition." Let us hope it is very limited.

Rating: .25 / 5

Buy some utterly disgusting crap at Amazon.com: Consume.
Image from Mikescandywrappers.com

Nissin Original Chow Mein with Shrimp (4 oz.)

Item Purchased: Nissin Original Chow Mein with Shrimp (4 oz.)
Location Purchased: 7-Eleven / 1350 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.59 + tax

Review: Something in my dustbowl of a wallet said "noodles" to me at lunch today. They fill you up, are inexpensive, and can get pretty creative if you are willing to spend more than the quarter it costs for a brick of ramen noodles. Take, for instance, this ingenious creation from the company who gave us Top Ramen and Cup Noodles. What you get with this plastic container of "chow mein" is a typical brick of ramen noodles (that's how they all start), and not one, but three seasoning/additive packets. The first packet is a clear cellophane bag of dried vegetables and dried shrimp. That's right dried shrimp. They look like the elders from a sea-monkey village as they are no larger than the nail on my heavily gnawed pinky finger. After emptying these flakes into the plastic container, you are supposed to fill it with water and microwave it for 3 minutes to get all of the dehydrated goods good and hydrated. Then, when everything is nice and moist, you mix in the universal symbol for "cheap bastard," the foil packet of powdered flavor mix and a separate packet of flavored oil. Another three minutes of radiation. Let it all sit for one minute and you are ready to eat. You are also ready to hear all of your co-workers comment on the cloud of stale-shrimp scent hanging thick in the office air.

For a little less than two bucks, this makes for a filling meal. If you can get past the idea of dehydrated shrimp, you may even enjoy the strong flavors of Nissin's glorified ramen. My biggest complaint is the packaging these noodles come with. Where most microwave noodle dishes come in a plastic dish sealed with cellophane or soft plastic, this container has an ill-fitting hard plastic cover that serves no purpose but to offer the illusion of tupperware freshness. A wast of resources if you ask me. Nissin makes up for this infraction by having an oil flavoring that is much easier to pour than you receive from similar dishes manufactured by Maruchan. Smaller complaints include the directions on when to add the powdered seasoning (by the time you add it, most of the water has been absorbed or evaporated and it tends to stick to only a small portion of the noodles instead of evenly mixing with the entire dish) and the minimal amount of dehydrated vegetables included in the package. Though, for only $1.59, I can't raise too much of a fuss.

Rating: 3 / 5

From the They Finally Noticed department:

Three people were injured on the corner of Toronto's busiest shopping corner, Yonge and Dundas, when a billboard fell 18 stories. One victim was sent to the hospital and received stitches. Thankfully, no one was seriously hurt. One bystander, 18 year old Courtney Forsyth immediately blamed the people who put the billboard up for not taking more precaution and was certain that a "nasty lawsuit" would ensue. It's good to know that Canadian shoppers are just as litigious as American ones. (Toronto Sun)

Mar. 16th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Planters Smoked Almonds (1.5 oz tube)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Medium Dunkin' Donuts Coffee (Cream & Sugar)
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Tombstone Brickoven Style Supreme Pizza
Review: (LINK)

Tall Small Coffee From Starbucks

Item Purchased: Tall Small Coffee From Starbucks
Location Purchased: Starbucks / 1588 N. Milwaukee Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $0.00 + tax

Review: From the Starbucks Coffee Break press release:

"This is what it's all about: exceptional coffee beans, expertly roasted, perfectly ground, and freshly brewed," said Jim Alling, president of Starbucks U.S. stores. "We want customers from Seattle to Miami, from Boston to L.A., and all points in between, to visit us tomorrow for a complimentary cup of the best coffee they've ever had."

Well, it is the Ides of March. Quite some time ago, Julius Caesar was duped by his best bud Brutus, and today I was duped by Starbucks. Well... not really.

The Starbucks location in Wicker Park was at its usual capacity for 10:30 on a Wednesday morning. A small line of about 4-5 people were all waiting ordering their pastries and grande lattes. When it got to me, I pointed at the sign behind the counter which urged customers to ask for a free cup of coffee, "Just Because!" The man behind the counter was all smiles about it and informed me that we would have to wait for a new pot to be brewed. Oh good! Fresh coffee. This maximized my chances of getting an enjoyable cup of coffee from Starbucks. While I was waiting for my free cup, I overheard a conversation between a customer and one of the store employees who said that he had received more calls about the promotion than he did actual customers. M and I were asked if we wanted anything to eat with our coffee, which we politely declined. Let it be known that I wasn't a complete bum. Where most of the customers were dropping a few scattered coins into the tip cube (you ever notice how Starbucks uses cubes for their tips instead of cups... spooky!), I dropped a solid dollar. Percentage-wise, that is an infinite tip. Or an imaginary one. Don't ask me. I haven't taken calculus since high school.

When I got my cup, it was filled to the brim. I made sure to dump out a bit into the waste bag and prepare the coffee in the exact same way I prepare my Caribou beverages so I would have a point of comparison. I was confused as to what blend I was drinking. It was either Starbucks' Breakfast Blend or the Caffe Verona which was being hyped on the counter. Either way, it was not the best cup of coffee I've ever had.

I will say that it was also not the worst cup of Starbucks' coffee I've ever had. The signature burnt and bitter tastes were present, resembling dark chocolate, but it was a milder burnt and bitter than I was used to. If I were stuck between a Starbucks and a Corner Bakery, I would definitely choose this coffee. Of course, that isn't exactly a glowing review.

The oddly subdued Starbucks flavor makes me wonder if this coffee was watered down for their free promotion or if they were simply cleaning out some backstock of nearly expired coffee. I doubt this is the case, since Starbucks is a large and wealthy enough corporation to afford a two hour coffee giveaway. I do appreciate the appreciative gesture that Starbucks offered today, however, I couldn't finish my coffee. By the time I got to the bottom of the cup, the bitterness and aftertaste was unbearable so I tossed the cup away.

This was probably the best cup of Starbucks coffee I have ever had. I mean that sincerely. The taste was tolerable at first and the value couldn't be beat.

I still wouldn't pay $1.50 + tax for this unless I was desperate.

So thanks Starbucks! I've enjoyed this little tryst for what it was worth, but I'm sorry, we can't continue to see each other. You are a bit too high-maintenance and shrouded by a strong facade for my taste. I like my coffee with subtle taste and a powerful punch. Not the other way around. In fact, I think I will go and see my other corporate behemoth drug dealer, Caribou right now. She knows what I like. Give my love to the other chain coffee shop I used to enjoy, Seattle's Best. She was a good girl, but proclaiming to be the best? You sure showed her by buying her out and painting her green!

Hugs and Kisses,
-Kevin

Rating: 2 / 5

Mar. 15th - Previously Reviewed Purchases

Item Purchased: Maxwell Street Polish Sausage w/Fries
Review: (LINK)

Item Purchased: Chocolate Chip Cookie from Caribou Coffee
Review: (LINK)

From the Caffreene! department:

Remember! Tomorrow is the day you can walk into America's biggest drug dealer and get a free cup of upper. Starbucks is offering free small cups of coffee tomorrow morning between 10:00AM and 12:00PM. They're calling it the "Starbucks Coffee Break." It's sort of a customer appreciation day. I would appreciate it if they were as greedy as I expect them to be and brewed their coffee weak tomorrow to save money. That way, it might actually taste like coffee and not like truck tires. (AZCentral.com or My Original Post)

From the Coffee, Tea Or A Good Look At Me? department:

Northwest Airlines has begun charging passengers extra for aisle seats and emergency exit row seats. Those who don't pay up become the inner workings of a cramped, heavy-breathing, screaming-kid sandwich. The beggar-like airline industry says that this is the first of many initiatives to crawl out of the pit of bankruptcy. I say, why not resurrect some of Braniff Airlines' old tricks? Or how about a reality show about women who are trying to induce labor on international flights? They could call it Air-Born! (Oh c'mon, that's not any worse than Black & White or any of the multiple other exploitative reality shows out there) (Reuters via Boing Boing)

From the Ethnic Shopper department:

Salt Lake City, UT has made a proposal to erect a "Latino-themed shopping mall" which would be backed by a loan from the city and employ up to 500 people. Latino-themed? This could be very bad. Let's hope that this doesn't just mean a bunch of Mormons eating in a food court with a Taco Bell. This idea has "Stuffy White Guy" written all over it. (KSL NewsRadio)

2 - Dynasty Maifun Rice Sticks (6.75 oz.)

Item Purchased: 2 - Dynasty Maifun Rice Sticks (6.75 oz.)
Location Purchased: Jewel / 1224 S. Wabash Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.58 ($1.79/ea) + tax

Review: These rice noodles are a bit skinnier than I would have hoped for, but when you are in a store where egg, flour and wheat are the only noodles it seems they have heard from, you take what you can get. Because there is only one kind of rice pasta at Jewel, there is also only one size of rice pasta at Jewel. I needed a bit more than 6.75 oz. so I decided to buy two. Ah well... more leftovers for the rest of the work week so I can save some money! Hooray!

Rating: 3 / 5

Contadina Tomato Paste (6 oz. can)

Item Purchased: Contadina Tomato Paste (6 oz. can)
Location Purchased: Jewel / 1224 S. Wabash Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $0.60 + tax

Review: Contadina is second only to Heinz when it comes to tomato products. I see this stuff everywhere! It's easily recognizable because the illustrated woman on the label is drawn in such a way so that some people with certain biases may view her as an all-American housewife from the 1950's while others may view her as a woman of South America working in the tomato fields. I'm not saying that there is an ulterior motive in Contadina's labeling. I'm just saying that I be it took the artist a long time to get the woman's features "just right."

As far as the paste behind the woman, I've never been disappointed. Contadina Tomato Paste is slightly sweet and extremely thick with a surprisingly fresh biting taste of tomatoes to it. One good option for this puree is to mix it in with a pot of freshly cooked rice, then top with olives. It sounds weird, but trust me, it's damn good... and simple.

Rating: 4.25 / 5

Buy some tomato paste from Amazon.com: Consume.
Image from Amazon.com

San Marcos Chilpotle Sauce (7 oz. can)

Item Purchased: San Marcos Chilpotle Sauce (7 oz. can)
Location Purchased: Jewel / 1224 S. Wabash Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $0.67 + tax

Review: Here's a fun trick to play on someone. Next time you make a pizza from scratch, smear some of this stuff on the dough along with your regular tomato sauce. Let your friends chow down, but keep the slices away from the pets. Getting a good laugh is great, but making your thumbless roommates gag uncontrollably isn't funny, that's just mean.

I've seen people use chilpotle sauce on its own as a dip for chips and as an additive in chili, but I actually do like making pizzas with the stuff. I figure, while I am young and healthy, I am going to enjoy my spicy foods because before you know it, I'll be limited to eating frozen peas and rainbow sherbet.

Unless you want mouth sores (from spiciness), one can of this is enough. Tonight it will be more than enough for the dinner I plan on making.

Rating: 4 / 5

Buy some Chilpotle Sauce from Amazon.com: Consume.
Picture from Amazon.com

Mexene Chili Powder (2 oz.bottle)

Item Purchased: Mexene Chili Powder (2 oz.bottle)
Location Purchased: Jewel / 1224 S. Wabash Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.93 + tax

Review: There are two major differences between Mexene's chili powder and McCormick's Chili powder. First, Mexene is a bit cheaper. Second, there is no garlic in the ingredients to Mexene's powder. I love garlic, but when can you actually taste garlic in chili powder? Isn't it usually too overbearing to distinguish the garlic taste? I think so. Also, since this chili powder has no garlic added, that means one thing to me... spicier dishes! If everything else is equal (the cumin, salt, chili pepper, etc...), then a tablespoon of this stuff will pack more of a punch than a tablespoon of McCormick's chili powder which has to leave some valuable chili pepper room for garlic.

Sounds good to me.

When tasted on my finger, the taste is more earthy and roasted than most other powders. Perhaps this is because it is not as finely ground as I am used to. Mexene Chili powder has a stronger smell than many others I have purchased in the past and I look forward to tearing up as I ingest it tonight.

Rating: 4 / 5

A Taste Of Thai Coconut Milk (Unsweetened/First Pressing - 13.5oz.)

Item Purchased: A Taste Of Thai Coconut Milk (Unsweetened/First Pressing - 13.5oz.)
Location Purchased: Jewel / 1224 S. Wabash Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.89 + tax

Review: Despite all of my aversive instincts when it comes to large supermarket chains, I shop at Jewel a lot. Mostly because it is only a block away from my apartment and open 24 hours. Well, today, one of the primary reasons for my aversion to supermarkets was shattered. I was on the hunt for coconut milk and was about to give up when I decided to ask one of the stockers if they knew where it was. The woman had no idea, but immediately asked another employee dressed in dress shirt and slacks. This man, who I assume was a manager or someone else from the higher echelons of the grocery world, swept me over to the ethnic foods in aisle two and pointed to a can of Cream of Coconut, but instead of flitting away, leaving me with any old product that had the word "coconut" in it, he immediately realized that this was not what I was looking for. With urgency, the man pulled some kind of supermarket tricorder and began typing codes into it to aid him in his search. Just then, another slacked employee passed us. In moments, I had two grown men searching for coconut milk as if it were the final scene in Wargames. Finally, we found the can of desired product squirreled away on the bottom shelf of the Asian foods section.

I have never before encountered anything more than an incoherent mumble when asking for assistance at the Jewel. This experience gave me the neighborhood grocery feel that I haven't experienced since living on the same block as Candy's Grocery. A very special thanks to the three Jewel employees who pulled my expectations of customer service out of the muck with their diligence!

The only time I have ever had coconut milk was from an actual coconut, not in a can. I'll only be cracking this can of tropical nectar to cook with tonight, so I don't know if I can say too much about the actual product. I will comment on the packaging though. Right next to the word "unsweetened," the label also says "First Pressing." First of all, I would hate to think of the coconut milk that yields from a second squishing of the hard and hairy fruit. Second, this label makes it sound as if this can of fluid is a rarity. "Dude! I have an unsweetened coconut milk, first pressing! I'm selling it on E-Bay!" Maybe this is just a result of my torrid and embarrassing history as a collector and nerd.

Rating: 3.75 / 5

Buy some ToT Coconut Milk at Amazon.com: Consume.
Image from Amazon.com

Morton Coarse Kosher Salt (48 oz. box)

Item Purchased: Morton Coarse Kosher Salt (48 oz. box)
Location Purchased: Jewel / 1224 S. Wabash Ave. / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.99 + tax

Review: I'm not Jewish, but a lot of recipes seem to call for Kosher salt, so hopefully this three pound box will be put to good use. If I had known what a little skimming of Morton's website had told me, I would have just bought Morton's Iodine-Free salt. The only difference is that the Kosher salt is a flake salt while the Iodine-Free salt is small enough to be used in your standard salt shaker. Still Kosher, just smaller.

Kosher salt and sea salt always seems to taste better to me. I doubt my chemical dependent taste buds are actively sensing the iodine, but the larger granules and flakes just seem to make the salt flavor pop a bit more. My only problem with Morton's Kosher salt is that they don't seem to sell it in a smaller size. Online and at the store, I have only been able to find a 3lb. size for sale. I only need about a teaspoon for the Spicy Coconut Noodles I am making tonight. I can't complain too much. At $1.99, it is worth every ounce. If that is the breakdown, I only hope Lot's wife weighed a lot more than three pounds.

Rating: 4 / 5

Buy Morton Coarse Kosher Salt from Amazon.com: Consume.
Image from Amazon.com