Tall Small Coffee From Starbucks
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Price: $0.00
Review: From the Starbucks Coffee Break press release:
"This is what it's all about: exceptional coffee beans, expertly roasted, perfectly ground, and freshly brewed," said Jim Alling, president of Starbucks U.S. stores. "We want customers from Seattle to Miami, from Boston to L.A., and all points in between, to visit us tomorrow for a complimentary cup of the best coffee they've ever had."
Well, it is the Ides of March. Quite some time ago, Julius Caesar was duped by his best bud Brutus, and today I was duped by Starbucks. Well... not really.
The Starbucks location in Wicker Park was at its usual capacity for 10:30 on a Wednesday morning. A small line of about 4-5 people were all waiting ordering their pastries and grande lattes. When it got to me, I pointed at the sign behind the counter which urged customers to ask for a free cup of coffee, "Just Because!" The man behind the counter was all smiles about it and informed me that we would have to wait for a new pot to be brewed. Oh good! Fresh coffee. This maximized my chances of getting an enjoyable cup of coffee from Starbucks. While I was waiting for my free cup, I overheard a conversation between a customer and one of the store employees who said that he had received more calls about the promotion than he did actual customers. M and I were asked if we wanted anything to eat with our coffee, which we politely declined. Let it be known that I wasn't a complete bum. Where most of the customers were dropping a few scattered coins into the tip cube (you ever notice how Starbucks uses cubes for their tips instead of cups... spooky!), I dropped a solid dollar. Percentage-wise, that is an infinite tip. Or an imaginary one. Don't ask me. I haven't taken calculus since high school.
When I got my cup, it was filled to the brim. I made sure to dump out a bit into the waste bag and prepare the coffee in the exact same way I prepare my Caribou beverages so I would have a point of comparison. I was confused as to what blend I was drinking. It was either Starbucks' Breakfast Blend or the Caffe Verona which was being hyped on the counter. Either way, it was not the best cup of coffee I've ever had.
I will say that it was also not the worst cup of Starbucks' coffee I've ever had. The signature burnt and bitter tastes were present, resembling dark chocolate, but it was a milder burnt and bitter than I was used to. If I were stuck between a Starbucks and a Corner Bakery, I would definitely choose this coffee. Of course, that isn't exactly a glowing review.
The oddly subdued Starbucks flavor makes me wonder if this coffee was watered down for their free promotion or if they were simply cleaning out some backstock of nearly expired coffee. I doubt this is the case, since Starbucks is a large and wealthy enough corporation to afford a two hour coffee giveaway. I do appreciate the appreciative gesture that Starbucks offered today, however, I couldn't finish my coffee. By the time I got to the bottom of the cup, the bitterness and aftertaste was unbearable so I tossed the cup away.
This was probably the best cup of Starbucks coffee I have ever had. I mean that sincerely. The taste was tolerable at first and the value couldn't be beat.
I still wouldn't pay $1.50 + tax for this unless I was desperate.
So thanks Starbucks! I've enjoyed this little tryst for what it was worth, but I'm sorry, we can't continue to see each other. You are a bit too high-maintenance and shrouded by a strong facade for my taste. I like my coffee with subtle taste and a powerful punch. Not the other way around. In fact, I think I will go and see my other corporate behemoth drug dealer, Caribou right now. She knows what I like. Give my love to the other chain coffee shop I used to enjoy, Seattle's Best. She was a good girl, but proclaiming to be the best? You sure showed her by buying her out and painting her green!
Hugs and Kisses,
-Kevin
Rating: 2 / 5
posted by Kevin | permalink |
3 Comments:
You probably were drinking the Caffe Verona. I can understand a bit of what you described, considering the caffe verona is one of the strongest coffees the company offers. If you wanted a coffee with a "subtle taste but a powerful punch" I would watch out for the mild blends, or perhaps a shade grown mexican.
My, my, my those Starbucks loyalists won't stand for any badmouthing now, will they?
I bet you're the same kinda guy that wears big ol' Nike logos on his shirt. I'm talking to you--review writer number one. Unnecessary information my buttocks. Whadda they pay you to be a walking billboard for their muddy pre-ground shite coffee, huh? You only drink it because the logo calls out to you in the middle of the night,
"Doooooouchebag......Dooooouuuuchebag......you want mooooooore Staaaaaarbucks.....douuuuuuchebag."
You know, Kevin-you hit it on the head, my friend. Starbucks is the place where real coffee drinkers go when they're desparate. If I wanted to lick the muffler of a 67 Chevy, I'd buy one, pal. Keep your coffee, Mr. Schultz---
Corporate drug dealer #1
j
Now now, play nice! (both of you!)
Thanks for the feedback both of you. I agree J, that Chevy muffler might taste better, but to judge someone on their taste in coffee as a douchebag is a little bit harsh, enh?
That could have been my father commenting (who loves Starbucks and hates Nike) or a Starbucks employee (they've been visiting my site all day. Call one a douchebag, that's your opinion and I don't mind. Call the other a douchebag and that's when I take offense. I'm sure you are smart enough to figure out which is which.
As for unnecessary information, I don't know if that was a comment on my review or the comment left as it pertains to me. Either way, it's as necessary as anything else in the blogosphere.
Opinions, assholes and blogs. We've all got 'em.
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