Small Peanut Butter Cup Gelato from Massa

Item Purchased: Small Peanut Butter Cup Gelato from Massa
Location Purchased: Massa Italian Cafe / 807 W. Roosevelt Rd. / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.95 + tax

Review: I didn't spend any money on lunch today (brought some leftovers from home and was given some leftovers at work) so I thought I would treat myself to some gelato at the end of the work day.

I remember swallowing down countless Reese's Peanut Butter Cup and Nerds Blizzards from Dairy Queen as a kid. I couldn't get enough of them. I was also overweight, out of shape and had rather bad digestion. Why is it, we only remember the pleasurable things when it comes to desserts?

This gelato is made with ground up peanut butter cups and is a sweet and creamy delight at first bite, but as I scooped more and more of it into my mouth at ever increasing speeds, I gave myself a super sweet, supersaturated stomach ache. The velvety beckoning of this masterfully made dessert was no match for what little will power my work-a-day ready-to-go-home appetite had left.

Though at first taste, Massa's PB gelato seems harmlessly tasty, it may be just a bit too sweet for an entire dessert. My advice is to take a sampling of this flavor and then move on to the hazlenut or pistachio.

Rating: 3 / 5

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Primo Panini from Massa Cafe

Item Purchased: Primo Panini from Massa Cafe

Location Purchased: Massa Italian Cafe / 807 W. Roosevelt Rd. / Chicago, IL
Price: $6.59 + tax

Review: Grilled panini bread. Check. Tender grilled chicken. Check. Crispy bacon. Check. Fresh avocado. Check. Swiss cheese. Check. Warm and soggy lettuce. Che... What the hell?

Everything was going so well with this sandwich until I realized that Massa heated up the lettuce along with everything else, reducing it to the consistency and texture of a re-used tissue. Note to Massa: heating up lettuce is only okay some of the time, but not usually on a sandwich.

Everything else about this sandwich is great. The fresh avocado tastes like a nature made guacamole and the combination of bacon and chicken (strike that... the combination of bacon and anything) makes any sandwich better.

With every sandwich purchase at Massa, you receive a free bag of Vitner's potato chips. Vitner's brand chips are neither here nor there. They taste like any other potato snack product. Their mascot, however, is something to be pondered. Named Vinnie, the Vitner's mascot is on the front of every bag of chips. He is pictured as a cool saxophone player with sunglasses on. Out of the horn of Vinnie's saxophone flow five potato chips. Now, I'm sure Vitner's designer meant for the potato chips to represent musical notes, but I can't help but think of them as something else. See, Vinnie is, himself, an anthropomorphic bag of potato chips. With puffed cheeks and eyes hidden behind his large sunglasses, it looks as if Vinnie is vomiting into his saxophone and spraying his potato innards all over the place. I may have a perverse mind, but my friend Josh views Vitner's Vinnie in the same way, so you can't use this as evidence.

Fortunately, eating Vitner's potato chips doesn't elicit the same response from me.

Rating: 3.5 / 5

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Slice of Pepperoni Pizza from Massa Cafe

Item Purchased: Slice of Pepperoni Pizza from Massa Cafe
Location Purchased: Massa Italian Cafe / 807 W. Roosevelt Rd. / Chicago, IL
Price: $2.99 + tax

Review: I know what you're thinking. You're thinking: That looks like four pieces of pizza you lying pig!

Well, in a sense, you are right. It is four slices of pizza and sometimes I am a pig. What you don't know is that there are four slices of pizza because the slices that Massa offers up for the low price of $2.99 are so hugantic that they have to cut it into four pieces to make it manageable.

As for the taste... Massa's pizza dough is the perfect medium between thin and thick crust with both crispy and chewy qualities. The tomato sauce used is fresh and slightly sweet and the slathering of cheese atop these American staples is cooked to a pleasant golden brown that will make even the staunchest deep-dish purist squeal with glee. There are several pizza places in Chicago that do pie better, but for something so close to my work location, I'll take it!

$2.99 for fresh baked pizza this good and this big? Helloooo Massa.

Rating: 4.25 / 5

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Adriana Salad From Massa

Item Purchased: Adriana Salad From Massa
Location Purchased: Massa Italian Cafe / 807 W. Roosevelt Rd. / Chicago, IL
Price: $6.49 + tax

Review: Back from the holidays and into the grind again. I had so many cookies and candies and meats over the last four days that I couldn't imagine ordering another prosciutto and salami sandwich. I also didn't think I could quit the meat cold turkey. I had to come down from my binge slowly, so I opted for this light greens bowl with a grilled chicken breast on top.

Though not as flavorful as the Mandalay salad that I usually order, Massa's Adrianna is still tasty. Loaded with sliced tomatoes, feta cheese, red peppers and lightly laced with red onions, this romaine salad is enough to fill you up without making you feel full. Though the price is a little higher than the rest of Massa's salads (due to the chicken breast), the price is still worth the quality of the food.

Rating: 3.75 / 5

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Half Sandwich (Soprano) and Half Salad (Italian Chopped) from Massa

Item Purchased: Half Sandwich (Soprano) and Half Salad (Italian Chopped) from Massa
Location Purchased: Massa Italian Cafe / 807 W. Roosevelt Rd. / Chicago, IL
Price: $5.99 + tax

Review: I actually wanted to purchase the Caprese Salad from Massa today, but when the employees told me that they didn't have enough Mozzarella cheese to make it for me, I had to change my mind. I suppose running out of Mozzarella is a good sign for an Italian cafe. It means that business is good! Running out of Mozzarella, however, is high on my list of things an Italian cafe should never do. Fresh Mozzarella is expected. More importantly, fresh Mozzarella is loved... by me.

I'm not a big fan of chopped salads, but I wanted to try something new from Massa. Like G.I. Joe would say during the coke-addled eighties... Knowing is half the battle. Now I know that I definitely do not want another chopped salad from Massa as long as I live. I guess the other half of the battle is getting the aftertaste out of my mouth. All of the ingredients are fresh and tasty when eaten alone, but when you mix turkey, ham and salami together along with gorgonzola, greens and vinaigrette, the resulting taste is that of a pickled meat bomb that was just foraged from a field.

The sandwich half of my meal was tasty, but lacking. I should have realized when I was told that Massa was low on Mozzarella cheese, that they would skimp on my favorite part of this panini. Deep within the depths of salami, gardiniera and tomato was a sliver of cheese the size of a large toenail. I had to brush everything else aside.

Lesson learned. Steer clear of Italian restaurants when the Mozzarella is gone.

As another series of PSAs from the eighties said... The more you know.

Rating: 2.25 / 5

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